A Drunk And Honest Review Of Mortal Kombat 2

We get a little drunk, a little high, and put Mortal Kombat 2 on trial with our three-part review system, ending with a final score that’s more forgiving than the plot deserves. We dig into what makes the sequel feel more watchable than the last reboot, then spiral into fandom drama, plot armor, and the only question that matters: what would our fatalities be. 
• our three-part scoring method and why it fits franchise sequels 
• quick Mortal Kombat 2 setup and what the movie prioritizes 
• acting highs and lows across the cast 
• cinematography, VFX, and why some sets feel empty 
• soundtrack choices and the missing iconic theme problem 
• plot complaints versus “it’s about the fights” expectations 
• unpredictability, body count, and whether deaths feel earned 
• fandom toxicity, Cole’s role, and why plot armor kills stakes 
• inserting ourselves into the roster with custom powers and fatalities 
Like, subscribe, follow, do all the things. Let us know in the comments what you think about Cole. Let us know what your fatality is.

Transcript

Cold Open And Missing Co-Host

unknown 0:15

Here.

SPEAKER_05 0:15

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Get over here.

SPEAKER_05 0:18

I'm ready to talk about one of the best movies I've ever seen. Hands down. Hands down. So, all right. Well, let's let's do this thing.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

So big robotic hands down.

SPEAKER_05 0:33

Well, big robotic hands down. Hey everybody, welcome to High and Dry Podcast. I'm your host, Ryan Bear North. With me as always, James Crosslin. Will not be joining us for one more of these things. He's currently having a little bout of the scurvy. Sorry, the rickets. It's the rickety.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Yeah, I thought we used scurvy before. I was gonna say rickets is a good choice.

SPEAKER_05 0:51

Yeah, he's doing rickets this time.

unknown 0:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Which is really funny. Rickets is like one of those uh illnesses that's been like pushed out of modern society. It like it affects you when you're young. It's like a vitamin deficiency when you're growing your bones. And if you've ever seen like an older person who walks around and like they have they wobble and have like a little bit of like bowed shin, uh like you've ever seen that wobble, uh, that's because of rickets.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

A lot of people may not know that.

SPEAKER_05 1:22

Yeah, and that is what Luke is currently battling.

SPEAKER_02 1:28

He's gonna he's going to Turkey for shin implants, and he'll be back.

SPEAKER_05 1:32

He'll be back with us. He'll be back next week. If he's not back next week, he'll have prageria. And we'll just but he he is on the way, he has not forgotten you guys, and uh uh we'll have him with us shortly. But uh anyway, so we're high and dry podcast, the only podcast that's keeping alive the fandom of Erie, Indiana.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Oh, eerie, Indiana. So so you're originally from Illinois. You may not have been have did you watch Erie Indiana? Oh yeah. Is that close enough to Indiana? All right, yeah, eerie Indiana.

SPEAKER_05 2:05

It was on there. That was one of the fee like I caught it every once in a while, but we were more of a a cartoon network household versus that's I was on Nickelodeon, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Yeah, yeah, it was on Nickelodeon. For me, it was like the it was like children's ex-files or chill, you know.

SPEAKER_05 2:19

Yeah, that's pretty much I I will always remember. I don't know why I cannot forget this fucking episode where the kid who looked oddly like um the kid from Hocus Pocus.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

But uh oh yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_05 2:32

He uh they had moved and it was daylight savings time, and then his dad is like, no, we don't have to set back the clocks here. And the kid's like, well, why not? And he's like, which just doesn't, and we don't have to change time zones here because it's eerie, you know. And I remember the kids It's just Eastern Indiana. I remember the kid like throwing a little bitch about it, and he hops back on the bed and he turns back his watch. Like, I'm gonna turn my watch back like the rest of the world. Like, why is that the hill you gotta die on?

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Like, what's wrong with you, kid? Like a slavish devotion to the systems that run society.

SPEAKER_05 3:11

Yeah, like, oh my god. Like, can you just not be angsty about fucking anything? No, that was the whole conceit of the I I know teenagers are insufferable, but uh that was a little over the top. Any normal kid would be like, oh, okay, cool.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Or a sweet deal. One thing or less I have to remember.

Eerie Indiana And Old TV Memories

SPEAKER_05 3:31

Yeah. Or they wouldn't even know that it was daylight savings time. It wouldn't even like, you know, maybe years later you'd be like, hey, didn't we used to have to like turn back clocks or something? And they're like, no, talk about that time. Yeah. But anyway, so um, yeah, Erie Indiana. But no, we're not actually gonna be doing that. We talked enough about Erieana. This week, we are going to be discussing the new film, Mortal Kombat 2. And we are going to break Mortal Kombat 2 reboot. Yeah, Mortal Kombat 2 reboot, the the fatality. And we're gonna break it down into a three-part method, guaranteed to get you the best results for your podcasting buck. First, we're gonna get you a definitive score out of five, better than anything, Fandango, Siskel, and Ebert, uh Rogers and Hammerstein's have ever done. And it um indisputable scores. Then we're gonna dive onto the golden path, explore the deeper meanings of the film, and then finally, we are going to insert ourselves, drugs, and alcohol into the film. And what makes it so special and fun is that we're going to be doing it drunk and or high. So, James, how are you? Uh, I know you're on a uh special imbibing journey right now. How are you gonna be?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Well, I just took a shit ton of lithium, but I'm also gonna have some C V D. So I should be really calm for this uh for this heart pumping action adventure. Uh uh that was Mortal Kombat 2. You're gonna see you're gonna see me and the audience going, woo.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Woo.

SPEAKER_05 5:04

Well, I'm gonna be joining you.

SPEAKER_03 5:08

No.

SPEAKER_05 5:10

I'm gonna join you with my favorite. This is Old Forester Prohibition style, 1920. Haven't even broken the seal yet, so this is fresh for you. Oh, nice. Yes, I discovered this in a particularly uh self-destructive period of my life and uh just stuck with it.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

What was that? This year, last year, the year before, the year before that, the year before that. This was the past year.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Ten years ago, 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_05 5:38

About two years. It's past two years. Two years, that's that sort of period.

unknown 5:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 5:44

Found myself in uh rural Missouri, getting up to no good. So let's line them up. This first toast, first shot, first hit. This one will go out to our newest listeners. These ones are coming to us from Anti of the Hong Yan province. That's a new one. That's a good VPN. I have no idea. China, I guess. Uh let's see. Then we got uh Norfolk, Virginia. Okay, Virginia and Prof. Got some of those Navy folks. Yeah, yeah, so you guys. Nice VPN.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Cheers. We love the Navy here.

The Three-Part Movie Review Plan

SPEAKER_04 6:31

Oh man. Oh, I forgot. That uh that hits you like a brick. I forgot what I was drinking. I'm not used to that. Holy shit. I've been drinking all the like normally on here, I'm like the buffalo trace and the G. Knob Creek. Yeah, knob creek.

SPEAKER_05 6:53

Just polishing that knob Creek. Yeah, this is yeah, because this is this guy's 115 horsepower. 57% alcohol.

SPEAKER_04 7:06

Wow. Yeah, good stuff. Pickle your liver.

SPEAKER_05 7:10

Yeah, no, he's he's he's dead. Luckily I take care of myself in all the other ways. Sure. Let me have this.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Kidneys will uh they'll pick up the slack.

SPEAKER_05 7:25

Yeah. There you go. So yeah, I diet, I exercise, I do all those things. I think I'm looking really good for 36, you know. But I also feel that that seems to be like a boon of our generation.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

That we don't look as old as previous generations, that's 100% sure.

SPEAKER_05 7:43

Yeah. Yeah. It's all the smoking.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:47

Tobacco. We smoke now. So that's the that's the key. So this next toast, next hit. Yeah, here's to uh yeah, here's to uh the youthfulness of the millennial.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

Cheers. Look back at old photos, like 35-year-olds look like they're 50.

SPEAKER_05 8:05

Oh yeah. Well, I mean, just look at cheers. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Walking into that bar of 30-year-olds who all look like they're like touching 50 easily.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Oh yeah, for sure. I think that um I think that uh uh Frasier, what's his name? He was probably like 25 in that. Kelsey Grammar.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 8:32

No, they uh they they all look ancient. Fucking uh I forgot Woody Harrelson was in that. I think Woody Harrelson was the youngest person in that thing.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Yeah. Yeah, he was actually he was actually 14 when he shot it.

SPEAKER_05 8:51

Looked like he had spent a life in the mines. But he he was even looking old. Like he was like looking a little uh a little ragged. He was getting there for sure. Alright, well, this final toast, final hit, final shot, line him up. This one goes out to our movie this week.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

Here is two Mortal Kombat 2. Cheers, Mortal Kombat 2. Fucking hell.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_05 9:28

I didn't uh because we I didn't drink yesterday, but we we recorded one of these the days before. Oh, thank you. I saw a thing the other day, you know, with uh Jean-Claude Van Damme doing the splits and slowly like doing his Tai Chi. Someone put this is how I feel when I haven't drank for 24 hours. But no, I I uh I because we drank for the recording. I didn't drink the next day because now I'm good, and then I'm drinking today, and I just feel my body's like, just pull me right back in.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

I I I watched uh the GIF that uh a clip of him dancing in the kickboxer. That's how that's how I feel.

Tournament Setup And Quick Synopsis

SPEAKER_05 10:07

Well, that's how you feel after that's how you feel after three days without drinking. I don't know what that's like. So alright, let's talk about this movie. So Mortal Kombat 2. So it uh there's not a whole lot of surprise here. I don't know how much of a synopsis we have to give.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Well, I mean, there's definitely there's plenty to talk uh there's plenty of synopsis to give. It's it's a movie. It's got Well, you see, there's a tournament.

SPEAKER_05 10:35

Alright, there's there's a world. There's a bunch of worlds, right? And the gods decided that you can't just invade each other. You have to fight karate. Yeah, yeah. In the basement, uh, the garage, in hell, wherever. You gotta fight karate.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

Only one guy does karate, Johnny Cage.

SPEAKER_05 10:57

Yes. Well, he doesn't even do karate. Yeah, he doesn't do karate either. No. He does Hollywood. But uh so uh yeah. And we have this one finds us on the 10th tournament before the our antagonist, Shao Kahn, is able to take over Earth Realm. The Elder God Raiden has gathered a ragtag group of humans to uh and showed them their powers. This sounds familiar. Stop it. Yeah, it sounds like Mortal Kombat. It sounds like that one kangaroo martial arts movie.

SPEAKER_02 11:34

Oh, the uh the four virtues. What was it called? The the four arts. Yeah, I absolutely the seven virtues, but I do remember the kangaroos. Kangaroo Martial, yeah, that was such a fuck yeah, I remember that. Such a position. Sub Jones was in that one.

Acting CGI Music Plot Ratings

SPEAKER_05 11:51

He was one of the kangarooes. What I did appreciate on this one, they finally said it out loud. Um, because like Ed Boone had already stated it that he ripped uh Mortal Kombat from Big Trouble in China. And um in this movie when Johnny Captain. Yeah, they referenced it. He's like, oh, nice cosplay. What is that? Big Trouble. Warriors of Virtue was the kangaroo movie. Warriors of Virtue, that was it. I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to download that, give that a download on Amazon Prime, see how yeah, it's gotta be, it's gotta hold up. See how it holds up. Oh my god. They they made that movie, like but I mean, honestly, we need a movie industry that's more like that, though. That's gonna try willing to go fucking crazy. Yeah, just say I am so sick of seeing the same shit with rich people's kids. Take some chances. Yeah. Well, and I don't know, you think they did that with this one? Well, do you wanna you wanna run through your ratings on this guy?

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Sure, sure, sure, sure. So there were uh there were things that I liked about this movie and things that I didn't like about this movie. But honestly, I'd say it was probably more like than dislike. Um for the acting, the acting wasn't good. No. The acting the acting was bad, and so is the acting in every single Mortal Kombat movie. So I don't know how that and the game, right? Uh uh, I don't uh I don't know how much I could fall. It's not as not as bad as some movies is how I'd rate it. Not as bad as some movies. It it got the job done. I think that I think that I think that every all the dialogue was rushed. That's a really difficult part, is that they just rushed all they rushed through.

SPEAKER_05 13:40

Was so like when she had dialogue, it she slogged the scene down. Like she, in my humble opinion, she should never be allowed near a camera again.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

It's kind of the joke that Sigourney Weaver uh tells in Galaxy Quest, where she's like, I just repeat the computer, it's my job, let me do it. It's she you think that's what's going on? Sonia Blade just repeated things. She, you know, she only said things in response to other people, essentially. I confirm that that's the case, or you must do this, or you know, uh uh yeah. So I think she was really hampered by by a bad script. I think she was better in the first movie, even though the first movie was not good. I think she was better in the first movie. She had more to do. I think that it was better than the first one. It was better than the first, it was so much better than the first one. Yes, even though Adeline, Adeline Rudolph, who was Katana, not a great actress. No, not a great actress. Gorgeous, though. She's just super gorgeous. Every time she was on screen, I was like, wow, that's that's a beautiful, beautiful woman. Um, but she's not a good actress. No. One thing though that I really liked about this movie was that they did not there was there was, I can't remember a single sexist joke uh for the entire movie, which the first movie was really bad about it, where they're like every time a woman was on the screen, they were like, Your tits! You know, you're at like look look at you look how hot you are, you slut. And it's like uh the having the the the the the dialogue they had for Kano in the first movie was such a turnoff for me because it wasn't the joke that he was a bad guy, it was that it uh what I saw, especially from audience, was everyone clapping along with him, being like, ha ha, he's so funny, like you know, instead of this guy's a real piece of shit. Yeah, um and and they took that out for this movie. I really liked that. There was no like degrading, not a single degrading of women joke in the whole movie, which I was like, I I look kind of looked back on it, I was like, oh fuck, they didn't like that's awesome.

SPEAKER_05 15:52

Now that you actually now that you mention it, that that actually helps a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

Yeah, yeah. That I was like, I was like, why do I like this one more? And that's why it didn't feel mean, it didn't feel like it was punching down on anybody, uh, which was which felt really good. Except for Cole. Uh well, well, yeah, they got rid of him, which is great.

SPEAKER_05 16:11

Or yeah, which I want to talk about that later on.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, feel free. Uh that guy sucked. So the acting, the acting was most of his pat a lot of it was over the top or like really blatant, which is like the Mortal Kombat. Yeah. That's the Mortal Kombat genre. Have you ever played uh Mortal Kombat Storyline?

SPEAKER_05 16:37

You have, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

Yeah, yeah. I've played Mortal Kombat Storylines. I started with the Shaol. They're really bad. They're so bad. There was only one good one. It was on the Xbox, and it was like uh something Shaolin, and it was like open world. Shaolin Monks. It was open world, it was super fucking cool. That one was really good. That was dope. Um you got to travel to all eight realms, it's it was pretty pretty dope. But uh, but yeah, I've played through Storylands before, they're all bad, all the acting is really bad and stupid, but that's like Mortal Kombat's brand. And so for this one, I'm gonna give it a three because it like fulfills the brand, but it's also not great.

SPEAKER_05 17:15

Well, he did also I I do appreciate Johnny Cage in that Carl Urban had stated like no one wants that 90s shit anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's essentially what Mortal Kombat storylines never left. They were just they were just different in their gratuitous violence. Right.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

So this one did depart a little. It departed, it departed, yeah, departed differently. And seriously, watching that clip from Kickboxer just showed up in my feed. I really did watch that clip recently, and it's and it he did such a good Van Dam impression. Like Carl Urban did such a good Van Dam impression. That's the they really captured 90s uh 90s uh martial arts uh uh schlock. Oh yeah. So for so that's that's a point toward it for cinematography. I did think that there was like so much CGI in this movie that they might as well have just made a movie. Some of it was really bad. They might as well have just made an animated movie. Like it was so animated.

SPEAKER_05 18:20

Uh and yes, like some of those wide open halls and like even the the uh poison basement. Yeah. It look it looked real bad. Yeah, it didn't look fantastic. You guys threw up a bunch of fucking green towels in some dude's garage.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

Yeah, for real. So uh I did enjoy, you know, it had some good fight scenes. It had there was a lot of fun in the fight scenes that seemed like they were having fun with them, and that helps. Uh, so I'm gonna give the I'm gonna give the cinematography a 3.5. Oh. Let's see, for score.

SPEAKER_05 19:01

They did not use the 90s Mortal Kombat song until the end credits, and for that, I'm gonna dock it.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

I'll tell you. Yeah, for sure. I'm docking it absolutely because it's not it's not super memorable. The the one from the original is memorable. They could have done a remix or something on it, but there wasn't there wasn't enough.

SPEAKER_05 19:20

Yeah, there was no 90s techno. You guys stayed 90s on everything else, but not the music.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

They progressed at some. Like I said, no sexist jokes. I remember the first Mortal Kombat and Sonya Blade, and all everything she knew about her was sexist jokes. Like, I can't wait to get my hands on you, little girly.

SPEAKER_05 19:40

You know? And then then she killed Kano between her thighs.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Yeah, and then at the very end, she gets kidnapped and they they blow out her hair and put her hair down so it's all sexy over her leather, leather cleavage vest. Like, I I remember, like, not good. No. Yeah. Uh so score score is getting a 2.5. I don't remember it at all. And it didn't, it didn't add to it for me. Uh, and they didn't, and they didn't use they didn't use the memory, like like brands spend so much time and effort to like get a recognizable something for their brand. Yeah and they got a recognized like they have one of the most recognizable pieces of music in video game history.

SPEAKER_05 20:30

Well, you know how they're getting ready to make this new Lord of the Rings movie? Uh imagine if we don't hear the Shire or we don't hear Helm, like like fucking wild. That was a that was a faux pas, right? That was that was a fuck up. That was a fuck up.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Uh for plot oh boy. For for plot, uh this was for the plot, this was Mortal Kombat. That was that was the plot. Um we got we got a reluctant, a reluctant hero who's over the hill.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

That's a plot that's happened a billion times.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

And it didn't didn't didn't bring anything new to it. This is this movie didn't bring it. This movie didn't bring anything new to anything, but it was passable. It was passable. It it I I could I could predict things coming from a mile away, but it was also passable, and it didn't make me hate it. It didn't make me hate it through its execution, which I think is the is one of the most important things. You can do something that's been done a million times as long as it's enjoyable and not a slog. And so for that, I'm gonna give it a three. And then uh when this one comes out, I'm gonna watch it again because especially because Sheridan get a chance to join me. But I'll definitely watch it again. Uh uh yeah, yeah. Carl Urban, you know, friend of the pod. He uh he's in it, of course, and uh yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I uh I I I thought it was I thought it was enjoyable.

SPEAKER_05 22:13

I sent him a text, you know. When it came out, just like, hey man, watching the thing, you know. Congratulations. Yeah, I'm not gonna tell him how to really feel, but you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

Yeah, yeah, you got a great, you got it. I hope it was a good paycheck. I hope you're enjoying your time in back home in New Zealand. Well, I well, like I'm glad.

SPEAKER_05 22:29

You know how he's been talking about they were talking about cutting his electricity off, so I'm glad he got something.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

Yeah, yeah. Electricity in New Zealand is pretty expensive. But they were talking about hobbits hostage and forced them to run on giant hamster wheels.

Deaths Fights And What Worked

SPEAKER_05 22:49

That's a little behind the scenes that you only get here on high and dry. Well, for me, so uh yeah, the acting here was god-awful. This was this was bad.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

This was Jade was Jade was particularly bad.

SPEAKER_05 23:06

Raiden sucked. Jade was awful. Uh the only people who had good acting had characters to work with. Um like like Johnny Cage, Kano, Scorpion. They had something to work with, you know, and and they were uh they were popular enough that the writers obviously paid a little attention to them. Um but everyone else, like Liu Kang sucked. Uh Kung Lao, awful.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

Like it just fucking I didn't I didn't think Kung Lao was awful.

SPEAKER_05 23:45

I didn't think he was if we're talking about the ability to read a line and look your part, I thought he did awful. If we're talking about choreography and all that sort of thing, then I mean, but I don't know how much of that I can give to a stunt man. Like I'm I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

I thought Luke Kang was pretty good. I thought as an actor, I thought Lu Kang did a good job.

SPEAKER_05 24:07

I I like I also I I feel like I have to make concessions just for your work with what you're handed. And you they weren't handed a lot here. That like that's clear.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Jax Jax said about six lines in the whole movie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

Baraka had more lines than Jax.

SPEAKER_05 24:25

Yeah. Uh, but I I will say something I did appreciate about this was that a fight would start, and you weren't a hundred percent sure who was gonna make it out. Yeah, that's true. I definitely appreciated that that for me was the saving grace of this film because a fight would start, and I was legit like, oh shit, which way is this gonna go? Yeah. Because you know, like, because I mean, spoilers, a lot of people died in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That I didn't expect and in brutal ways, but and I'm like, good, that's Mortal Kombat. I I was very like, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

One thing I was disappointed about was the method of killing a few of them, because uh, I think four people died getting just poked through the chest neck area with the with the end of a hammer. And it's like, come on, yeah, that this is just slowly poked to death with a hammer.

SPEAKER_05 25:28

Yeah, like this this is the uh the world of fatalities.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

And yeah, do something a little more interesting.

SPEAKER_05 25:35

I don't feel the only fatality I feel like we saw was to Sindel.

SPEAKER_02 25:41

Oh no, we also got Kung Lao on the buzz saw.

SPEAKER_05 25:44

Yeah, and but even that, it was like he's holding his hands and shit, and like like it it didn't have the same, like I guess, gravitas of uh Mortal Kombat fatality. Cole's head got smashed. So that was a brutality. That was a brutality. Yeah, sure, sure. He got brutality.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Uh but but uh what about the fatality for uh for uh Shao Kahn right at the end with the fans? Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_05 26:14

But it like this they just didn't reach this, like it wasn't the same. Like it wasn't enough, it should have been more. Yeah, it should have been more. So yeah, for me acting I oh boy. It looked like they were having fun.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:30

I like to think Carl Urban was having a good time.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

You got to wear a leather jacket the whole time.

SPEAKER_05 26:36

Yeah. It's like one of those things like, hey guys, I'm Carl Urban, you're lucky you got me in this piece of shit. Go ahead and roll it. So I um I'm gonna give acting a 2.5. Cinematography, there was some bad cinematography. There was some real bad room designs. Uh, they felt empty.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

It did feel like big empty places, didn't it? Big empty places, especially that that little that town that uh that the first fight happens in, very empty. And then they go back there, they go back to the empty town and and do the Jade and Jax fight.

SPEAKER_05 27:16

Yeah. Yeah. But there was some cool scenes, it was fun. Um, you know, they there were like the combat was uh adequately shot. Um it just it was just dragged down by a lot of instances of really poor CGI. So for that I'm gonna give cinematography a three. Okay. Score. You guys have you guys have one of the most recognizable sounds like up there next week.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

On the street, eight out of ten people on the street, if you just played the theory.

SPEAKER_05 28:00

That should have been the first the first fucking fight should have had that. Yeah. And they but like you're up there next to the Matrix, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Mortal Kombat, like and they didn't use it.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

That would that was what do you mean for Matrix soundtrack? What what is the matrix soundtrack? What is that? Or do you just mean just mean movies in general?

SPEAKER_05 28:24

No, I mean as far as as far as like recognizable hearing the sound. I could for matrix. So I could switch it to blade.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

I don't know blade sound. What? What?

SPEAKER_05 28:37

Uh but I'm I'm trying to like find the realm that's clear. Jurassic Park. I don't know if it's at that level. Yeah, but it's one of those. Like you you play it on the streets and people are like, oh shit, Mortal Kombat. It's weird that you listen to that into a subway, but uh yeah, uh yeah, Mortal Kombat. So yeah, and they they fuck that up.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

They fucked that up. Iris of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, they all have pretty iconic Yeah. Um so for that I give it a two on the sword.

SPEAKER_05 29:07

Sophie's choice.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

Um hey, that's Sophie's choice. That's my favorite movie.

SPEAKER_05 29:19

And the guy who's playing is like, really? I was being ironic. Plot. This plot was ass. Wait, what did you give the score? Uh uh two. Okay. Uh this plot was hot ass. Um like it was dumb.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

Dumb, dumb. They didn't even show Shinnok.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

Come on, show Shinnok! Where's Shinnok?

SPEAKER_05 29:49

Yeah, so uh uh, but it yeah, but like look, if you guys and a lot of people are gonna argue with me, like, hey, it's not about the plot, it's about the fights. I'm like, well, okay, cool. Make the fights better then.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

We should have we should have had less time establishing the villains. We did not need all of the conversation between the villains. We just needed you get into a fight with them and and they're an unknown thing, and you figure it out as you go through the as you go.

SPEAKER_05 30:18

Well, yeah, like the weird Quan Chi expositionals were like, guys, I don't know. And and when did our Quan Chi become so autistic? Like, what is going on? Um, it was we did not need any of it. It was yeah, it was very just off-putting. It was very bizarre. Yeah, uh plot, I give it two. Uh rewatchability, I will re-watch it when it when I can stream it and I got some people around. I'm like, all right, guys, let's put it on. Um waiting for the director's cut. Yeah, it's a fun time. It's a fun time. So, rewatchability, I will watch it again. Uh, I like I have never watched the first one again.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

Yeah, neither have I. Watched it one time and I was like, it was off-putting how bad the how bad what the focuses of the characters and the the the movie was. It was off putting it so bad. This one wasn't off-putting.

SPEAKER_05 31:15

No, it wasn't. It wasn't off putting. I felt like I was playing the shitty Mortal Kombat storyline. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I'll and I I every time a new Mortal Kombat comes out, I begrudgingly buy it. I know I'm only gonna play it for a day and get bored because it's a fighter, but I'm still gonna buy it and I'm still gonna watch this. So for that, I give rewatchability a four.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

Was it was was it ever established in the rules that you can only have five fighters per side? No. I didn't think so.

SPEAKER_05 31:50

No, you could literally, like, even in the game, you pick the size of the tournament you want to play. Like they they they could have literally been like, all right, boys, 30 fighters each side. We're gonna see them all. Let's do it. Let's have some fun. And honestly, that I would have preferred.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

Yeah, for real. They should they should have just had a Rolodex of all the enemies. And we didn't know. Let's just roll through it. We didn't need story for it, just fucking roll it.

SPEAKER_05 32:17

Yeah, I didn't need to see the scoreboard in the sky. I all I needed to know was who's fighting next, and let's get it on. You you guys have three minutes of dialogue between fights to like deal with the consequences of what just happened, and then I want another fight. Let's go. Like, if we're gonna do this, let's do it.

Final Score And Rewatch Value

SPEAKER_02 32:36

Alright. So the scores are in. Uh beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. So rounding up, Mortal Kombat 2 gets a three. It's fair, which is surprisingly good. Yeah. Uh and any and and the scores kind of average around that area. I kind of expected it to be a little lower because there's like the same amount of twos, 2.5s, and 3s, you know. But it ended up being rounding up to three.

SPEAKER_05 33:04

Well, the genius of us and our system is that the scores always come out correct, and it accommodates for shitty movies that are just a good time.

SPEAKER_02 33:15

Yeah. Yeah, this is just a good time. It was just enjoyable. The the what the rewatchability is meaningful.

SPEAKER_05 33:23

Yeah. Yeah. No, is this is this Godfather 2? No. But it it's fun. It's just about Godfather 2.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

Right there. Just close. Oh, so close.

Fandom Backlash And Cole’s Death

SPEAKER_05 33:36

Yeah, yeah. No, this is this is definitely a citizen game, no doubt. Um all right. Well, it's time to dive onto the golden path and unlock the deeper meanings behind the cultural phenomenon of Mortal Kombat. Which I I feel there's something there.

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:59

But that being said, it means we have to get a little more drunk and we have to get a little more high. So line them up. I I gotta tell you, I I'm not used to this shit. I I because this this stuff right here is$70 a bottle.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 34:14

Do a do a half shot. No, I can handle it. I can handle it. It just feels different.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 34:24

Yeah, I'm not a punk. I am, but not like that.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

No punks here.

SPEAKER_04 34:30

Cheers. Cheers. Like I'm a punk, but I'm not a punk.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

Uh so the first thing I have to say about the golden head of this movie is, you know, I felt that it wasn't very realistic.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

You know, when I first got it, I was like, I was like, I don't think I don't think this is real. I don't see this. In regards to what asked. I don't see this movie happening in real life.

SPEAKER_05 35:05

I feel a lot of people would agree.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Oh, well, there you go. I don't know what's deeper about that. I guess can't, you know, sometimes, you know, we can let our fantasies we can show our fantasies on a screen instead of real. Well.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

Oh my gosh. It's that's the baseline we have to set to try to establish any meaning, any deeper meaning for this movie.

SPEAKER_05 35:33

Well, I mean, I feel like one of the things we could talk about here is fandom. It's toxicity. And we can do that around Cole. Okay. So I mean, like so how did uh how do so we we both saw number one. We both fucking hated number one. I think we established that. Um coal sucked. I think we established that. Oh, absolutely. See, but you and I we're not the type of guys who are going to run to Reddit and run to Facebook and run to Instagram and run to TikTok and bitch about it and moan and do all the that that's not, you know, we're not those type of people like we don't give a fuck. Like we, you know, we got things to do. But that that was clearly a uh like uh succumbing to fan pressure. And and I I while I was watching the movie, I was even looking it up um just about what the current like discourse of Cole's death was, and there were a bunch of articles popping up of people saying that it was gratuitous and it was a really cruel joke, and what was the cruel joke? The like that you know, they spent the whole first movie. Yeah, um, and that it was like succumbing to like the darkest parts of the internet of trolls and things like that. And I don't know. How do you feel?

SPEAKER_02 37:02

How do I feel about the succumbing to the darkest part of internet trolls? It's fucking mortal combat. Like the the whole Sometimes you die. The whole point of Mortal Kombat is that people die. Like it's not it's so so what Lucan got stabbed in the chest. Yeah, what that says to me is that main characters should have plot armor. Is the is anybody who complained that like main characters should have plot armor and be immune to any kind of death any death, and we should have no stakes for main characters, is is what that sounds like to me.

SPEAKER_05 37:42

Um, how do you personally feel about Cole's death?

SPEAKER_02 37:47

It's mortal combat. I don't feel anything about anybody's death because they're all they're all fuel for the meat grinder that is mortal combat. Yeah, he is.

SPEAKER_05 38:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

If if Johnny Cage died again, I would feel nothing. If Carl Urban died, I'd be like, I thought they were gonna, I thought Katana was gonna fucking kill him in that first fight. And I was like, that's unexpected, that'd be fucking dope. And then they didn't.

SPEAKER_05 38:20

Because like Carl Urban's got other shit to do.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

Yeah, yeah. Carl Urban's gotta be on the set of dread too, you know?

SPEAKER_05 38:27

Yeah. Um, yeah, no, and uh, yeah, definitely. Uh and honestly, the the the people who are now attacking it for killing Cole that way, like I I want the receipts because I believe that they were the same people who were pissed that he was involved.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

Did they feel that Sidel Sindel's death was overly gratuitous, or Kung Lao's death was overly gratuitous, or Xiao Kahn's other that it's fucking mortal combat.

SPEAKER_05 38:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:58

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_05 38:59

Well, and and honestly, honestly, I was happy to see it. I thought that that was it could and I I I was reading that like the pr like the producers, the directors and writers, and everything like that, with Cole, they were trying to create a surrogate for the audience. Sure. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:18

Which is like, all right, cool. They can do that. That's that's a that's a valid technique in film. Yeah, but Cole sucked. I think I didn't care that much about Cole. I don't care if he s I I said he sucked earlier, but I think he was given poor like he was overwrought, right? I feel like I feel like the first the first Mortal Kombat reboot was uh what's a good word for it? Belabored is the word I'd use for it. Is everything was fucking belabored.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

Like he's a he's a good guy, he's he deep, he fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 39:58

Now he's gotta use that for for the right reasons, and he he's got a family, and he he we he's got so many feelings, it's so conflicted, and it's and it's nothing was subtle, and it was all in your face, and it was too much. And and Mortal Kombat 2, everything was obvious, again, nothing was subtle, but it wasn't belabored. Yeah, it wasn't belabored, which it was with in that first one, which I think is the reason people I don't I don't know if people hated Cole, but they hated how much devotion to to his an attempt to it it felt like it felt like the studio was like, okay now, you care about Cole now, right? You care about Cole now, right? I want to make sure. I want to make sure here here's another you you you okay, so I'm getting some feedback. You still don't care about Cole. Now you care about Cole, right? And that's what it felt like, which is not which is not good filmmaking. No, we fucking hate him. It made you hate him. You didn't have to hate him. I didn't have to hate Cole, but but someone when someone tells me I have to like someone and care about someone a bunch of times, I'm less likely to do it because I I have oppositional defiant disorder.

SPEAKER_05 41:20

Agreed. I I'll I'll take that. Yeah, I I got that. I'll check that off. And uh like for the other part of it is like take Mortal Kombat Armageddon. 63 playable characters. Uh-huh. We didn't need 64, we didn't need a cole. Pick one. Let's follow him for a minute. Like we didn't we didn't need a new there are so many fucking characters in Mortal Kombat. Like, we we don't need you to make a new one. And if you're if you're fucking uh deep throating him on me, I want him to die. Like, get away from me. And yeah, I I would agree with you. I think if you're mourning Cole's death or you felt it was like a cruel joke or something like that, then maybe you don't understand Mortal Kombat. Yeah. Yeah. I I do I did appreciate the the careless sweep into the poison pit. Like, all right, that's enough of that. Goodbye. Like maybe maybe this universe isn't for you if you uh you know can't handle that.

SPEAKER_02 42:31

Like everyone dies, can't handle a character dying, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:34

Yeah, like every match, 50% of people involved are gonna die.

SPEAKER_02 42:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:41

So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

Honestly, not enough people died, in my opinion, in this movie. More people should have died.

SPEAKER_05 42:49

Agreed. Agreed. But then that's the other thing about Mortal Kombat is like, yeah, 50% of people die, but everyone comes back. There's gonna be a zombie, there's gonna be and they and they showed that the zombies were fucking everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

Um yeah, we had zombies already, and they're like, the next movie's gonna be about zombies. It's like this movie was about zombies.

SPEAKER_05 43:11

Yeah, like he with this one wait, wait, was this one not? We had like four zombies in this one. Well, hmm. Yeah. Well, anything anything else about this uh uh Citizen Kanean film that uh needs touching on, or is it time to do that? Wait, listen.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

You can't outrun your fate. Can't outrun destiny, can't hide from it.

SPEAKER_05 43:39

Sometimes your destiny's take a hammer to the head.

SPEAKER_02 43:44

Sometimes destiny will teleport you to an abandoned medieval village, and you'll have you'll you'll have a sexy ninja princess attack you. All right, you just can't help it.

SPEAKER_05 43:58

If I if I had a nickel, I'd I'd be at about 20 cents right now. So you know life is wild. Life is wild, life is wild. Yeah, no, and uh each time though, I uh I'm still here, obviously. So each time I I gutted them from groin to hearts, so. So you know.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

No, they let they let me live. Yeah. Yeah. They they they pulled a car all urban on me. They're just like, yeah, go ahead. Like, oh thanks. That's nice. Yeah, good on you. Yeah, that's nice. I just I just I just always uh I always seem unprepared. So there's like that wouldn't be fair.

SPEAKER_05 44:32

Well, which I'm glad for because every time I see those orbs in the sky and I know you got pulled in, I get really fucking worried. So I I've been happy about it so far.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Thank God it's always honorable princesses who uh who invite me. I've geek I hope my number keeps coming up.

SPEAKER_05 44:49

I keep having to fight uh sexually aggressive Australians, and it's getting old. It's getting old. Oh, the laser eye. No, it's those dudes from Apex. It's those dudes from Apex.

SPEAKER_02 45:01

Oh, yeah, yeah. All right.

Our Mortal Kombat Powers And Fatalities

SPEAKER_05 45:03

Hey, come on out here, love. We're just trying to be friendly. Um god damn it, guys. It's more than no, no, I come out and just stab them to death. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so if it is time now to insert ourselves into this film. Well, so my question for you. Alright, we're inserting ourselves into Mortal Kombat. What are your powers? Ooh, oh that's good. How does the movie change with um when when the player selects James to get involved in this particular fight?

SPEAKER_02 45:45

Uh okay, so the player the player selects me. And uh uh when they're on me in the uh in the character selection, as they as they click me, you hear the uh bong rip. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then uh and and you see me like in a in a cloud of mist. Uh and then I'd say, okay, so so in combat, in combat, I would be most of my stuff would be getting out of the way, getting out of the way, or or blocking. Oh right. But with a bong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's it's a really it's like a six-foot bong. It's it's the it's a it's a staff, but it's a it's a big pipe. It's a big pipe. I what I do is I I put the pipe out six feet and I I I I inhale and then I blow the smoke in their face and I get the opponent fucked up, and then uh and if I get them fucked up, we get the friendship. Uh the the friendship instead of the fatality, we get the friendship where we end up smoking together.

SPEAKER_05 46:58

No, or if they if they don't want to be friends, when you hit them with the bong, their controllers are reversed.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

Oh, that's great. Yeah. Or yeah, like up is down, down's up, left and right are switched. Yeah, yeah. Punch and kick are switched. You don't you don't know which one. You don't know which one it's gonna be. It always changes.

SPEAKER_00 47:20

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:21

There you go. It's a pretty good one. What would my fatality? My fatality would be that I uh crush them into a ball and I have like a giant bong and and I smoke them. I put I put them in a pipe and smoke them.

SPEAKER_05 47:44

Hell yeah. All right. Uh and how does Mortal Kombat 2 change with that loadout?

SPEAKER_02 47:53

Uh what character do you swap with? I replace Cole because Cole's the audience answer. I replace Cole and so smoke shot. I get my I get my head smashed and pushed into an acid pond, I guess. I guess I don't it wasn't very effective. Ineffective. Yeah, yeah, he uh yeah. Okay, he's a god, I don't know. I I guess I just die. You didn't have to fight him. I didn't have to be that character, but I was. It's not I know that I'm gonna be like combat.

SPEAKER_05 48:38

That's more combat. Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah, for me, uh so movie doesn't change at all.

SPEAKER_02 48:47

Movie changes none, except there was uh a 420 friendly call. Yeah, a little bit of comic relief for the beginning.

SPEAKER_05 48:56

Okay. Yeah. For me, um as far as Mortal Kombat characters go, I I'm I'm huge on smoke. Uh huh. I I love I love the character smoke. If if I could do all that stuff, I'd be good. So I would I would be a uh drinking Americanized smoke.

SPEAKER_03 49:21

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05 49:23

And uh yeah, like it moves would be punctuated by shots out of my prohibition style bourbon. And uh the the movie itself would uh like the in-between parts of it would take on a much uh melancholic tone, I suppose, as uh their new smoke is getting lost in the bottle. And uh yeah, the thing I like I I would use my powers more well, what's the word? Uh I'd be very utilitarian about my powers.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 50:03

There'd be much less one-on-one fightings, like because if I had some of these powers, there would be much less reliance on martial arts and much more reliance on the fact that I could enter your pores and explode you. And like I'm like, yeah, I I got a decent roundhouse kick. I I got a decent kick, sure, but you're not gonna be able to get a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02 50:27

You gotta play it up for the for the for the audience. You gotta go. You gotta juggle a little bit. There's no there's no movie if you just go in, if you just every single person you blow them up through their pores or whatever.

SPEAKER_05 50:41

But that's what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 50:42

Okay. Yeah, so the movie becomes just scenes of characters blowing up.

SPEAKER_05 50:49

Yeah, yeah. Like I'm like like this dude's trying to kill me in a ninja village, and I'm sitting there just and like first, I feel like hold on, hold on, hold on. And then I disappear in a fog and they explode.

SPEAKER_02 51:07

And that just keeps happening.

SPEAKER_05 51:09

Yeah, I'm not waiting for them to get dizzy to do a fatality. I'm just gonna do the fatality. And uh, I don't know how many of them could stop me. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:24

So yeah, skin's just real strong. You can't blow everyone up unless you soften their skin with roundhouse kicks. I got a roundhouse kick them a couple times. Yeah, you gotta soften them up. Literally, you gotta tenderize them before you can blow them up.

Closing Thoughts And Listener Prompts

SPEAKER_05 51:41

Well, then I think the first person who it doesn't work on immediately I'm gonna come out of and go, I'm like really fucking confused. And then I crack the bottle over their head, and then I'll enter them and blow them up. Perfect. Yeah, there it is. Uh yeah, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna use my power effectively instead of um focusing on the roundhouse kicks, I think is is what I'm gonna do. Good choice. Well, well, there you go, folks. Let us know in the comments what you think about Cole. But uh that's the end of this shit. So um I'm your host, Ryan Bear North. Uh, with me as always, James Crosslin. Luke obviously is uh fighting with a battery's right now, and he will be back with us next Monday. So shins and all new shins and all, send him your well wishes. He's currently, you know, uh insurance in America, you know what it is.

SPEAKER_02 52:39

So he's currently out of country uh crossing under some Turkish surgeon's knife.

SPEAKER_05 52:48

And we're wishing him the very best. So good luck, homie. So there you go. Yeah, yeah. Uh like, subscribe, follow, do all the things. Let us know what your fatality is. Bye. Bye.