High n' Dry Podcast

Fantastic Four Reviewed: Retro Hope Meets Today’s Reality

• Ryan Baron North, James Crosslin, and Luke • Episode 102

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Three hosts get high, sip whiskey, and sort out why a stylish, 60s-set Fantastic Four feels both gorgeous and strangely soft. We rate the acting, roast the CGI baby, praise Galactus and Silver Surfer, and debate whether retrofuturism is a comforting lie or a clever setup for future conflict.

• 60s-set retrofuturism as aesthetic and thesis
• Galactus and Silver Surfer visuals landing with weight
• Performances: Kirby shines, Pascal contained, Reed underused
• Score motif memorable but overplayed
• Desire for inventive “team powers” problem-solving
• Comparison with Superman’s hopeful grit vs naïve optimism
• All art as propaganda; family and compliance messaging
• Hopes for X‑Men to introduce social friction and stakes
• Final ratings and rewatchability judgments
• Teasers for Dolby screenings, Tron and Avatar trailers

“Go see this movie. See it in Dolby. It fucking rocked me in Dolby.”


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SPEAKER_01:

What'd you say, Ryan?

SPEAKER_03:

I said it's my deep. By the end of this are we good? I could go delete uh I think we could news deeper.

SPEAKER_01:

We could we could go deeper. I'll keep that in mind for the next filming of this audio meeting.

SPEAKER_03:

You could work on that if you ask me. As deep as possible, really. So how's it going, fellas? But not too deep. Not too deep.

SPEAKER_01:

It's going okay. Alright, well, hey everyone, welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast keeping alive the fandom of the OC. I'm your host, Ryan Barron North, with me as always, James Crosslin, Luke. I totally watch the OC.

SPEAKER_03:

I know we do this a lot with shows where like none of us ever heard. I watched the OC and I was like, this is real life. This is real life. This is what life is like. So is this like a like what type of television show would you compare this to?

SPEAKER_01:

It was a hardcore drama.

SPEAKER_03:

Teen drama. Yeah, teen drama, life of the rich and famous, party. One Tree Hill, perhaps? Oh, so One Tree Hill was from OC. Oh, okay. OC was okay, okay, okay. So same vibe. I got it. Same basic premise. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Well, I liked One Tree Hill, but maybe I'm gonna have to give the probably won't relate as well. Let me just tell you, I live in California now, so it worked. It got me out of here. I'm a basic bitch who loves drama.

SPEAKER_04:

Here we are.

SPEAKER_01:

I will say from the OC, uh Adam Brody. You guys familiar with him? I like him, and I wish he was in more.

SPEAKER_03:

I do like Adam Brody. Everything's an asshole.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah, he always plays like kind of yeah, he's kind of dick. What I like him most ready or not with uh Samara I'm trying to think of. Where he was an asshole with a redemption arc. We lost Ryan and he's back.

SPEAKER_03:

Alright. Let's run into the first, let's run into our first rounds.

SPEAKER_01:

Alright, so hey everyone. So uh thanks for joining us. Uh we're high and dry, and uh we're not gonna be talking about the OC. Um, we're actually this week gonna be talking about the Fantastic Four. Um, we're gonna break it down to the same this is the same fucking thing. Same fucking thing, and that was driving me crazy in theaters. We're gonna break it down in three-part methods. First, we're gonna get you the definitive score out of five. We're gonna rate this bad boy. Next, we're gonna dive onto the golden path, and we're going to go into the fuller, deeper message of this film. And finally, we're gonna insert ourselves drugs andor alcohol into the movie. And what makes it so great and special and fun is that we're gonna be doing it drunk and high.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god. What? Oh my gosh, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02:

We're doing I have to do drugs. What? Oh my god on this program.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you both of you will be doing drugs. Um what are you smoking? I'm a repeat offender.

SPEAKER_02:

Pineapple Express.

SPEAKER_03:

Nice, nice. I just I if it's gonna be the same, I had to spice it up this time the way I introduced it, you know. I like it. I like it. I am also a repeat, but this is a blast from the past. I'm doing Galactic Jack, but let's call it Galactus Jack for this. Galactus Jack.

SPEAKER_02:

I like it.

SPEAKER_03:

On theme, yes.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll be uh joining you boys with uh one of my old favorites too, the old Forester. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_03:

I already knew before you lifted it up.

SPEAKER_01:

I almost said it as 50 horsepower. You're gonna get me right. I've already been sipping it a little bit before we got on here, so I'm primed and ready. So this first toast, first shot, first hit, then I'll be taking in our high and dry podcast shot glass. Yeah. We got more look at that. We'll be to the film. Fantastic four. Cheers.

SPEAKER_02:

Cheers to the Fantastic How they did it in the movie.

SPEAKER_01:

For those of you who haven't seen it yet. I was almost at it.

SPEAKER_00:

Spoilers. Yeah, almost edited.

SPEAKER_01:

That old Forester hit me.

SPEAKER_00:

Did it now?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I took that just like right on the head there.

SPEAKER_03:

Next time.

SPEAKER_01:

Alright, the second toast, and it like it started to give me kind of a sultry edge to my voice there for a second. The second one goes out to our newest listeners. These ones are coming at us from Hell.

SPEAKER_02:

Cheers to Hell.

SPEAKER_01:

No, actually. Adelaide, South Australia.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, South Australia. Very cool. Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know much about Adelaide, so I can't comment. But I know a lot about them. They listened to our Prometheus episode.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, excellent. Good. I'm glad they came back after Prometheus, where we had to like, hmm, well, it didn't rate our best. Oh, Ryan's way ahead of it. Okay, cheers.

unknown:

Cheers.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, goddamn, you're going in. Sorry, there was a shot in front of me. I didn't know to do. I panicked. I get that.

SPEAKER_03:

I 100% get it.

SPEAKER_01:

Didn't mean to cut you off. I was just politely trying to drink in the background of what you were saying.

SPEAKER_03:

All I know is that Adelaide is next to a place called Kangaroo Island. Aww shit. It's got listeners from Adelaide invite us. We'll all go to Kangaroo Island. Luke's been to Australia before. Could be fun. I definitely haven't been to Kangaroo Island, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you need so you can actually text us from our Buzz Sprout website if you guys text us. I'll bring shot glasses for sure after you'll five thousand dollars and gets the three out there.

SPEAKER_03:

It'll be worth it though. Trust me, they're nice shot glasses.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yes. And we're a fun time. That's true. At least four out of five. Assuming I don't get out of control. It'll be a good time. So uh finally, this last toast, this last hit, uh what's this one too? Pedro Pascal's inability not to touch his fellow actors.

SPEAKER_03:

Cheers! He had his hands all over everyone in that movie.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it was very what's the word, apropos his role in that.

SPEAKER_03:

What in what way?

SPEAKER_01:

I'm missing it. Oh, he so he's uh the stretchy handsy guy.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh they literally cannot escape him touching them. Yeah. His wife has to go invisible. He can just flail around, he'll get her. Where are you at?

SPEAKER_01:

I could I'm I could reach everyone's room. A strange deleted scene. Uh, you guys will see that on the DVD. Um, but anyway, so it's time to dive into this thing. So we all went into theaters this weekend. We came out having seen now another fucking phase one Marvel movie. Uh what did we think about it? How did we feel? Uh Luke, did you want to kick this one off?

SPEAKER_03:

It started off a little bit opinionated. Uh yeah, I can kick it off. I think I think that I think that it overall was not like a bad movie. I I did enjoy it. I was it was I like I found myself during the I was never like falling asleep. I saw it at a late movie, so um I I I did think it was entertaining. Yeah. Pedro Pascal is someone who I really, really like typically, and um especially in like uh weird ones like that Nicholas K the uh the unbearable weight of my massive talent. Um I thought like he was really funny in that. I think he's got a wide range, um, and I really like started to like him in Narcos. And he didn't do it for me that well in this movie. Oh, that's too bad. And I don't know if like and that's like very it wasn't, and again, not like bad, right? Like nothing genuinely, I don't think any part of this movie was like bad. Like I don't have a bad thing to say. But I'm not along with you. Yeah, but a lot I'm not like a lot of it, I'm not also it standout. So yeah, Pedro Pascal didn't stand out for me in the acting, and I didn't find that they utilize oh sorry. Oh my gosh, Susan Storm as well as they could have. I I I find Susan Storm to be a very dynamic character in power, just such a cool really she closed the deal. Yes, she did, and I liked it. But the thing about that delivery was the exact same delivery as her giving birth. Like there is no difference between one note, yeah, yeah. And like it again, it was like her pa I guess the power thing was not the correct thing to say, but it more like the delivery of the character. Um, but I agree, like it did show like she's that has that ability to even like he seems immovable, like a moving and immovable object.

SPEAKER_01:

So um, I will say though that I love Vanessa Kirby.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I think I would kill any two of you if she demanded it of me. Um she is incredible, um absolutely amazing.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I found that the cinematography looked good. I I did think Galactus.

SPEAKER_01:

Um yeah, he looked really good. Yeah, Ralph Benison, by the way.

SPEAKER_03:

I thought that was so cool. I thought that was so cool. Um, but yeah, I really, really thought that uh they did well on CGI. And in the most recent movies, I felt like CGI was shit. So, you know, I was kind of happy with that. I knew this was gonna be CGI heavy going in because a character like Galactus is has to be, right? Um that scene of him dropping in in the water, I don't know, that was really cool. I was like, this looks good. I'm like, dang, that's scary, that looks real. Um, and I think it was because they also chose to do it in like the 60s and almost this like patina like like a vibe of of that. And I feel like the filter, yes, and I feel like it helped with the CGI, like it made it like easy. I don't know if it was easy to do, but it yeah, good. So I don't know. It made it like digestible.

SPEAKER_01:

I want to bring up the 60s point, definitely, when we get on the golden path. Just started there were some things that were introduced there, and I felt like we were ignoring a lot of the problematic things of that time period.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, yeah, I have a lot to say about that going along with the theme and the style of the movie and just retrofuturism in general. There's a lot to say. Yeah, yeah. The the score and soundtrack, I during the I when they gave me the preview, I was super excited because like that that preview, that sound was just like I'm like, oh yeah, I love it. And then they did it 19 times in the movie, and again, it was it was just it was good every time, but then like each time they did it, it hit a little less until the end where it's like, yeah, again, like that's awesome. And I feel like what Superman did that it didn't was they used the same thing, but they used them in like again, they was like the same that epic music, and then he had the you know, he was Superman, he lost his identity, a little bit different, electric soundtrack, and then it went back to like Superman and it worked, and I feel like they just didn't hit with Fantastic Four as well. Story and plot I thought was pretty solid. I don't know that that much about Fantastic Four, and I remember as a kid loving the original. Like, I really love the original, but something, yeah, I did actually, but I was it's really digestible. It's digestible. You got four people, they're all they're four humors, four white people, their family.

SPEAKER_01:

It's fantastic. One of them turns into a rock, and every movie about the rock is about him falling in love. It was very that's always weird to me.

SPEAKER_03:

It's yeah, I don't understand that's his biggest challenge that he has to overcome is that he looks like a fucking freak. Yeah, like that's his challenge. There's no issues, he's strong as shit. He's also like his kind guy.

SPEAKER_01:

I was thrilled to see Natasha Leon.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Seeing Natasha Leon's also. Yeah, I'm a huge fan of hers, also. So she had a bit part, and it was like crammed in.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I I liked it. I was a good man. I was happy that it was her that was crammed in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And honestly, there was some points picked uh storylines that I also felt a little shoved in. I feel like the I lost the I lost my train of thought there. Either way, but with the story or plot, I felt like uh they didn't utilize Mr. Fantastic enough. I feel like I did not get the complete, like they would just be like, yeah, he invented this machine that does this, and it's kind of I don't know. I didn't get the like they did not sell his genius to me during this movie. Um sorry, go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, but he's supposed to be like one of the smartest beings in the universe. Like like Reed Richards is is known to be that, and it just didn't sell it to me.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, but the retrofuturism doesn't do it.

SPEAKER_03:

You think that's what like retrofuturism kind of hurt that in a way? I think I think that well, we'll get to a golden path, but like the retrofuturism as like a concept will affect all of these things, you know, and we talked about it with like Jurassic Park not having it and Superman having like this vision and like this theme and like this vibe throughout the whole thing. It could add and it can subtract in ways. Okay, okay. Well, yeah, well, I I definitely just yeah, it wasn't sold to me that his genius, like the best thing that he invented that really like kind of sold was the robot Herbie. I felt like that was like I really liked the dynamic. It was funny too, because right at the beginning of the movie I made a uh note. I was like, super weird. Like, why did they design that face like that? Like, I don't like that it just is kind of like, oh, like a tape recorder because it's just and then later he drops in a probe, and I'm like, oh sick, yeah, I'm really glad you closed that for it. Like, I don't know why, but that like really closed off just like a thing that bothered me very early on. But it was in fact a breadcrumb left for you that they paid off later. And that's always nice to have that happen. Very, yeah, very nice. I was like, Oh, thank god you guys didn't like. I was like, it looks kind of cool. I like the design of the robot, but I felt like they're me cute to for the sake of being cute, kind of thing. But give it a little function. I'm all there for it. They gave me, they were trying to go for like droid from Star Wars, like a cute little droid from the club. I thought Wally. Oh, Wally's good too. Yeah, like Wally's really good. And also, did you hear the robot person? He was super Wally. Did he say fuck? He was good. What the fuck and asshole. What? Oh yeah. He was like, what the? Yeah, I don't know who got it, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh man. Alright, well, that just increased my rewatchability.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so um, I definitely think that um the movie overall was like I said, it wasn't bad, and I did enjoy it. Um and I feel like it was a decent starter to like Thunderbolts was pretty solid and I enjoyed it as well.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And this I felt was a little bit better than that, and you know, has me a little more sold like on the on the screen. Hopefully it keeps going up, right? Hopefully, yeah, just keep going on the scale. And I also want to say that I do think, I wonder, and I thought had this contemplation today, if I had watched Fantastic Four before Superman, how would I have felt about it? Because I am not gonna lie, it set a bar like I was missing things that I just got from I didn't feel that way.

SPEAKER_01:

I've been thinking about it. I am so happy. Look, we are in the worst timeline. Well, the United States is 50 third world countries in a trench coat, and we got this orange dictator who's ruling it all, and it things are just terrible all around. But I'm so happy to be alive at a time when three superhero movies came out, and fucking Superman was the best one. It's just something you've craved for a long time. Ever since I was but a boy. And I'm I'm um yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And you know, there's it begs the comparison, right? Because they both have similar themes, they're both like kind of this, you know, you don't give up on anyone, everyone is important, you know, respect life is the most important thing, and people's autonomy. But Superman, like, the reason it was better is because it confronted the reality that we're all now used to. That that people actually reject it, like there's gonna be friction, and a lot of people will argue against it, and they don't just all come together and they're like, Yeah, we'll all save power and we'll all give up resources and all work or they lived in a universe where, like, yeah, okay, let's listen to sense.

SPEAKER_01:

She came out with her baby and talked it was a perfect group that eventually, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

The only thing they had to worry about was Galactus. We have to worry about the world destroying itself.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we agree. Let's come together. Where Superman he does the same shit and he gets fucking beer cans thrown at the back of his head. Yeah, and then he's trying to kill him with bats, and it's yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

He says, even though that's happening, I choose to be good and radically good, yeah, and and use my power in a way that saves everything. Cannot break my character. No, yeah, that's yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel the Fantastic Four, and this is probably a golden path thought, but it would have hit harder if people from the 60s were right about the future.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yeah, well, it may not have hit harder at all, though. You know, it's it's our knowledge of having to live through things is what solidifies the value of things, yeah, right? Yeah, all only our experiences can help us truly judge the value of things. Yes, yeah, that is but yeah, I definitely, you know, like I said, so I'll I'll run through my scores quickly. Um, I gave the acting a four. There was some good performances. I want to say another I didn't say during, but Joseph Quinn as Human Torch, I've really liked his character. Um he gave me the one bit of action I kind of enjoyed with Galactus when he was kind of melting off his feeding tubes or whatever those were. Um that might not have been acting specifically, but the character itself I enjoyed during the movie. He's just kind of a uh done and that's who Johnny, that's who Human Torch is. Like he's just not and the actor portrayed it well, yeah, yeah. Um so I liked the acting and not like I said, Pedro Pascal specifically was not at his top tier, but I thought it was fine. So uh I gave the cinematography a four. I really uh uh four point five. Um I really liked the CGI, I think that was a big part of it, and I thought they did a really good job, especially out of some of the pet things recently were really bad. So uh I gave it a 4.5 score and soundtrack. I ended up giving a 3.5. The one like the one score they did was really good, and it and it really was, but it just did you can't get at least two other things, please.

SPEAKER_02:

Like it was truly the one- Take my score, take my fucking score, open your ears, dude, and show me bitch.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, so but I think yeah, but like it's still at the end of the day, I was still singing it when we got on. I've sang it since, like it's it was kind of iconic, but just like the repeated. Yes. Uh I gave the uh story plot a 3.5. I think Mr. Elastic was underdeveloped and just not done well, and he's such a cool character, and his power is so dynamic um and can be used in uh so many better ways. You wanted more fun and games with the powers. Yeah, I just felt like That's kind of what the Fantastic Force is a fun of the powers. Yeah, yeah. It's goofy. Yeah. It's not meant to be. Like the cartoon they were showing. I'm like, yeah, give me more of that. Like, yeah, that's the stuff I want. Make a Mr. Fantastic do a parachute. I don't know. Yes. Yeah, give me that. That's the shit. And I think there was a guy on uh TikTok who actually gave the reference to The Incredibles um as one of the best Fantastic Four movies. And he's like, it's not a Fantastic Four, but it's basically Fantastic Four. Dash is Johnny Flame, Violet is quite literally has definitely fucking but better. It's yes, because it's done in a fun cartoony, it's a fun way. So yeah, um I think you have the fun in game where they think of unique ways to utilize powers. That's the whole thing. Like when Dash runs on having her. Yes. Yeah. Violet turns invisible. Powers of treadmill, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, and they did it a couple times during this movie. I I actually liked when Suster used her Travolet to show the baby. I I didn't like necessarily how it looked, but that's a really cool concept.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You were Ryan?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, your score, sorry. Your score.

SPEAKER_03:

Story plot is going to be um a 3.5, and then rewatchability I gave a uh three. I'll probably watch it again at some point. I'm not like in dire need to watch it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, chopping it a bit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, but I definitely will watch it again. Especially if like they're gonna continue to put out like decent looking movies. I'll I'll at least be like, uh, maybe I need to rewatch that before I go see it, especially if it's gonna like really tie in or something like that. So yeah. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I I am excited. You start your list now, Ryan. Yeah, continue with this thought and start your list. Well, I'm gonna try. I mean, we're we are here at the precipice of a Marvel Phase 1. I mean, this is who gives a shit?

SPEAKER_03:

Just give me just give me serialized stuff like they do with the Justice League cartoons. Just give me serialized where it's like it's not canonical, shit just happens. You just it's it's action figures. You throw them all together and you're like, what are these action figures gonna do together? Give me that. That's totally fine. I don't need a continuing in a room and just like have them fight and whatever they do. And he boxed them in the head. Sounds good. I do not need a continuing arc.

SPEAKER_01:

I I'm interested to see where this goes. I felt that um the original phase one that turned into Zach's Zack Snyder, in my opinion, should be crucified in a public square somewhere. I I've seen what he's a little harsh, but I'll allow it. I've seen Rebel Moon.

SPEAKER_03:

Only did you see the director's cut where it's like a solid minute of like torturing a naked woman? Like he like he his director's cut. Yeah, it's like right at the beginning of the movie.

SPEAKER_01:

Jesus Christ. Fuck you, Zack Snyder. And look, I love Henry Cavill, and that's why I like the original DC. I love Superman, and uh that's why I was all for it. I I always felt Marvel characters were just fucking lame. Yeah. With a few rare like Carnage is cool, Venom's cool, Spider-Man was cool for a while, but they kept fucking him up. So I'm not a Marvel fan. I am not a Marvel fan, but I walked into this thing because I'm on a show with tens of fans, and there's expectations. Yeah. So I sat down and started on this phase one film of a Marvel movie, and I thought it was pretty good. But at the same time, I liked phase one with Captain America and Iron Man, and then it just turned into shit. So we'll see what happens. It's okay just like this thing and not care.

SPEAKER_03:

But that's I guess that's the question. Is that where we're at? Does art that's made in reference to other art affect the original art's quality and value and perception? It affects its perception, certainly. I think it affects its legacy, but it does affect actual well.

SPEAKER_01:

I would say so, because Jurassic Park most recently taught us that Scarlett Johansson is not a good actress. Right.

SPEAKER_03:

It does affect it, literally cause so the way we view things presently is literally the only way that things are viewable. Isn't that interesting? Because even if we try to put ourselves into the past to remove our frames of reference and our context, we're still actively talking about that context because we're removing it.

SPEAKER_01:

Acting. I agree with Luke. I felt there were a few points. Well, I felt the opportunities weren't given. Like Superman, where tears were falling from eyes, and Superman is like that. Um had some tears to fall, and it was like, holy shit, that makes sense from his social media. Especially when he was yelling at a point, like frustrated to frustration to the point where you're like here those scenes weren't provided by the script. So the characters weren't as dynamic as exactly. So I'm gonna go uh a 3.5 on the acting. Cinematography, I thought was fantastic. I I thought it was amazing. Uh I loved Galactus. I thought he looked uh incredible the way that he was portrayed in such a way where he was terrifying. Like in comic books, I always thought he was like this nerdy fucking like nerdy dark side.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And but in this, I'm like, whoa, he's scary.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, like he is a a god of destruction, basically.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. And Silver Surfer was they they did her so well. Yeah. Like she was scary and sexy. Yeah. Like the living eyes and the way she would move on the board. I was like, I was sitting in the theater going, oh my god.

SPEAKER_03:

But she's like looking down at him. Yeah, I'm like, oh boy. You just like the idea of seeing your own reflection in a woman. You're literally seeing your own reflection in a woman's face. But I was focused on the eyes. It's your eyes. You're looking at your own eyes. And they're reflecting fantastic.

SPEAKER_01:

And they look fantastic. Uh I thought her movements, especially surfing on the black hole. Oh, that was cool. Yeah, I agree with how they used it. When we like, for the first time, we visually realized the concept of a cosmic surfer. And knocked out of the park. Fucking fantastic. So cinematography, I'm gonna give because there were some weird parts when Galactic was my biggest pull away.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm like, the baby CGI this baby. Give us a real goddamn baby.

SPEAKER_01:

Dumb bitches. Yeah. Like, what kind of Twilight Renezme bullshit is this? And for the baby, for the city, I'm giving it a four. They were reaching for greatness, and they stopped short.

SPEAKER_03:

If you're gonna CGI me a baby, it's gotta be doing shit that a normal baby couldn't do. It's gotta have like you gotta see like a level of sentience that a baby could not act to act. Have you guys seen a baby before? That's what they act like.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, what is wrong? Yeah, but I mean, yeah, it was just the baby being a baby. We could have done that. That was totally practical. Anyway, so four. Score was completely unmemorable.

SPEAKER_03:

You remember fantastic four? You can't tell me it's like it did its job, it did its job.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh uh, not it did not at any point Jurassic World rebirth me.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Where I'm like, what the fuck is in my ears right now?

SPEAKER_03:

Why why are you doing why are you doing this to me? I thought you wanted me here.

SPEAKER_01:

Why am I being punished for watching this film? So three. Um 2.5, 2.5. Um uh the story. There was so much plot armor in the just don't worry, it's gonna be okay. Yeah, and like the next scene was always brought about by the concept of eh, don't worry about it. Right. Uh handsy over there, he'll figure it out. And doodle on a board, and now we're good.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, episode story. I'm gonna give a a 3.5. And then rewatchability. Um, I'm gonna give it a two because I would like to see if the robot actually did say fuck.

SPEAKER_03:

And assholes. And you just and you'll fast forward to all the silver server scenes.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Uh, and Galactus. Galactus was awesome as well. But yeah, uh, a two. I I'm not I'm not chomping at the bid to see this one again. I could go a long time without seeing this one again. Truth be told, Fantastic Four always kind of turned me off, and I get that like Marvel's contractually obligated by the ghost of Stan Lee to keep them alive. But like they're in my opinion, they're like Jetsons lame. So it's like, you know, whatever. Man, I can't wait to talk about this.

SPEAKER_03:

Are you hedging right now, James? This is this is so much good shit. We're not on the path yet. Fuck. All right, go. That's mine, that's mine. What did I get through? Let's see what we speedrun. Well, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh well, I need to know what I get for my letterbox. By the way, fans, you can follow me on letterbox.

SPEAKER_03:

God damn it, you gotta tell me that well before you gotta add all these up because I already have it added to the main score. Motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01:

Wait, wait, wait. Say that again. I need a pen. God damn it. I'm just doing it for you.

SPEAKER_03:

How about I go, and then you guys can, once you figure it out, we can talk at the end. Son of a bitch. I'm gonna go. Okay, let's go. So for acting, I agree. Acting was generally passable. I didn't think anyone blew me away. Thought Johnny Storm was good, thought that the baby was excellent. Don't you fucking say that's anything? Everything was serviceable. I give it a 3.5. Uh nothing blew me away. Uh cinematography. So we talked about that all this is gonna lead back to retrofuturism, but they put the filter on it. All the buildings were like really smooth, and this idea that the world is kind of smooth, you know? But the world things things kind of move pretty smoothly, and their things are cut and dry and simple. And the filter they added on that kind of made it more pastel and stuff, helped with the CGI to put it more in the world. It didn't feel as goofy because everything was kind of built in a way that was not brutal, like our world is. So cinematography, I I I rated it really high, give it a 4.5. I didn't feel like anything took me out. Maybe once or twice some took me out, but not there's no chance that baby didn't take you out at all. That baby, that baby was not good. I couldn't I was I just couldn't believe it.

SPEAKER_01:

I was just like the Twilight Renesme, baby.

SPEAKER_03:

Everything looked so good. Like they had just shown me Galactus, and I was like, oh my god, holy shit, you guys are going off baby. I'm like, why? Why'd you do that? It was at the end where it pulled me out the most when the baby was trying to get to her, and it was like it was all like the baby was too liquid. It didn't sell that revival at I was like, Yeah, this feels weird. Like, I feel like you could have just put the baby on the chair, a real baby on her chest, it would have been more normal. I wanted to like levitate fucking rays like coming out of its head and like Yeah, yeah, something. Yeah, don't make it like oh it's all well anyway. That's part of the that's part of the retrofuturism, though, is this kind of like uh everything is like stupidly light, where it like it didn't really consider like the vast implications of things, yeah. Like everything was really like stupidly simple, so that and it was it's a veneer of the future, right? It's it's what someone in that period, the 50s or whatever, thought the future would be like without giving it very much thought. It was all aesthetics, and that's what the cinematography was that did a great job at it. So that's why I gave it a 4.5 on sound. Even if they were like, listen, simplicity, do the thing over and over, it was still not enjoyable to me. It's gotta be enjoyable to me to make it good. I know it was like uh the it's a it's a well-thought out vision with the if if this if the the repetition, the simplicity of the soundtrack, uh you know, was purposeful. Uh, but for me it just didn't land, and uh but the Fantastic Four theme and stuff are really memorable to me. So I'm gonna give it a three point three. I'll just give it a three. Uh for story and plot, I thought it was simple. And again, it's the for this reason I'm actually going to let it be retrofuturistic with the story and plot and give it a lot of leeway because that's the kind of uh mindset that retro future is. It's really simple and it's really straightforward, and it's like here are the motivations. The motivation of our villain is that he he is compelled to live. He's compelled to live just by the act of sentience, and it's in a way that he doesn't feel like he can die, he won't allow himself to die, and he's controlled by his own impulses, and he's like a genocidal maniac because he feels uh insecure about his ability to not control his impulses, and I feel like that's like a great villain, that's like a great villain motivation, and they took it to an extreme where it's it's after an eternity, he's just like, I just need to consume. And I can't stop if I'm gonna stop, I need somebody else to. Yeah, I literally cannot stop myself. Uh, I will consume everything. And I thought that was a really interesting villain. And the story and plot I found to be simple but effective. Like, there was no pleaing with him, too. Like, you know, there's no plea with that because he just it's what do you want to do? It doesn't matter what you it doesn't matter what you have. It's very it doesn't matter. It's a good cosmic. Yeah, it doesn't offer any challenging questions about it, and the silver age of comics and retrofuturism never really did. What we saw with something like Fallout was a subversion of that where they took it and they're like, okay, let's ask the really fucking interesting questions, like what does it mean when you do a little nuke or whatever? Oh, people get irradiated and then mutated and then they turn to like fucking vampires and shit. Like Fallout was like, and let's make it goofy. But anyway, Fallout did a thing where it confronted the reality of our future where people don't work together, and this didn't. So that that makes it hurt. So there's a lot to think about there. I give it a 3.5 on story or plot. There are a lot of things upped and downed it. Uh rewatchability. Uh, I'm gonna give this a three. I would like to do it. I would like to see it again because of uh because I want to track how well they they injected retrofuturism and this idea of simplicity and wanting return wanting to return to a simpler time, this feeling of our age that we want to return to a simpler time with simpler moral decisions and uh and a simpler idea that things will just work out.

SPEAKER_01:

That's just not where we're fucking at.

SPEAKER_03:

But that's the golden path. I think that's why I do the golden path. It was easy to watch, like I said, nothing was bad, right? I enjoyed it. Yeah, but I also didn't come out of it like again, I laid in bed just like wow, thinking, just like my mind was running. Something that provokes thoughts like that is it's just on a different level to me. That's enjoy when I watch movies. You weren't stimulated, yeah. And it was still enjoyable, yeah. But yeah, I I just want a little more into it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like most Marvel outings, it's just a fucking roller coaster ride.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Ooh, sometimes it's excitement, but it doesn't make your brain get hard, you know? Can I please have a hard brain? I want my brain to be turgid, swollen.

SPEAKER_01:

Vascular.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Like a Snick bar.

SPEAKER_03:

But I think that's our golden path. I think we're on the golden path now for sure. It's been sprinkled in. What'd you say?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, then what's your final score?

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, I I don't know. I gave all my stuff. The final score is a 3.5 out of five, which is exactly where I thought it would land. That's fair.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's fair. Very serviceable movie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

This method is proven. Like we come out at the end and like, oh, yeah, that that tracks. That makes total sense. We were right all along.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh every time we're like, we're geniuses.

SPEAKER_01:

Jesus Christ, we got this down.

SPEAKER_03:

The good thing is, is though having three different opinions is always good. Um coming in to it.

SPEAKER_01:

It always comes out right. So um I hope there was one where I want one.

SPEAKER_03:

I've been waiting for it for just drastically different answers. Where it's like, your score is good one out of five, but mine's like a 4.5 out of five. I want it so bad.

SPEAKER_01:

I it's just hard to do because like I I was talking to a friend um recently, and my dog found a speaker. My dog found a speaker. Let me take that away from her.

SPEAKER_03:

That's just me fucking my girlfriend.

SPEAKER_02:

That was so fucking. Squake, squeak, squick, squeak.

SPEAKER_03:

For one moment I was like, he's just gonna ignore it. He's gonna try to just let it run pretend.

SPEAKER_00:

No, the problem is I have an American Akita. Um, and I'm on wheels right now. Let him go to the other room. We got shit to do. I'm trying to take the squeaker away, but god damn it.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, go wrestle it away. We'll keep talking. We'll start the I'll I'll start I'll start the golden path. You take the squeaker away.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, he got a squeaker. I got the squeaker. I'm sorry, I love you so much, but you can't do that right now. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03:

Later. He was talking to me. I was masturbating.

SPEAKER_01:

So, yeah, you're a go boy. You're very good boy. But anyway, so it's time to get on to the second part of this show. It's time to get on to the golden path. You know the definitive answer to what this movie rates and how you'll enjoy it. You're gonna give it a 3.5. Just so you're aware. So, just so you're aware. It's a 3.5. Uh, there's no argument, so shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_03:

So easygoing, just straightforward hero movie works for people, don't there'll be some high scores. Yeah, yeah. I just realized Luke is named Herbie. Lucas named Herbie today. I'm Herbie. Let's get on that golden path. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01:

So here is to retrofruit futurism and uh the lessons therein. Cheers.

SPEAKER_03:

Cheers. All right. So let's start talking about propaganda. So all movies are propaganda. They have something that they're trying to convey to the audience. And it's like this with all art. There's no art that's not trying to convey feeling or an intent or something. That's the whole point of art. And so uh and this movie, it chose as its ideological stance, you know, it's propaganda to try to convince couples in their 30s to pump out children. Hell yeah. This is 100% getting dinks to make babies. Because immediately when that scene came on, Cheryl was like, oh my god, and she started crying.

SPEAKER_01:

Dude, that first scene was a fucking thing, dude. All of a sudden I wanted a goddamn child.

SPEAKER_03:

It was wild. Yeah, this was like this was like this propaganda was crafted in a laboratory to make you want to have a baby. Nobody have a baby because of this movie. I don't care how bad you want one. This movie is a liar. That's what retrofuturism is. It's a big liar. Don't trust it. Bullshit. The problem is it's bullshit because of the inexorable passage of time and how we as humans have completely killed the retrofuturistic dream. The thing about retrofuturism is it's like an ideal. It's an idealism. And the thing is, we never really live up to idealism. But the problem, back in the day, you could do that. Nobody knew shit. Nobody knew anything. They were living on a farm for most of their life, and they'd probably travel like 15 fucking miles away if they were lucky. Yeah, so a computer just doing something because it does it just is like, yep, that makes sense. I know nothing about you know.

SPEAKER_01:

That being said, I see an opportunity here for Marvel to realize Marvel, is the way Stan Lee envisioned it. Because he put out Fantastic Four, Retro Futurism, the idealization, and then he went and did the X-Men as an entire uh uh re reference to the civil rights movement and put them into that same universe. So if they managed to do that, it would honestly fix a few of my complaints about this retrofuturism view.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. I mean, like we might look back on this movie and and feel, and this was what I was talking about. Does later art affect the like the the value of earlier art? Because it might come out later that they have like a turning point in their behavior where they get like pushed to another dimension where things did not progress the same way, and then they have to confront those things. Then we that criticism is that they didn't confront it, it moves us away from it. It says, Okay, this really is a bottle universe where we are under where we are in a world where people just fucking work together and the stakes are pretty fucking low most of the time. You got fucking mole man or whatever, and the stakes are really low and the powers aren't crazy, and then they get like an injection, you know?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, well, I would first I will say that I thought it was really cool that JD Vance was willing to act in this film.

SPEAKER_03:

Don't bust on my boy like that. Not JD Vance. J.D. Vance isn't my boy. That's not what I meant. Paul Walterhauser is my boy.

SPEAKER_01:

When he had the glasses on, I was like, holy shit, it's JD Vance.

SPEAKER_03:

I thought I thought Mo Man, I like that actor, Paul Walterhauser.

SPEAKER_01:

I do too. I think he's good. Yeah, no, he's great. He he is nothing, nothing like the vice president of the United States, JD Vance. But I will say, uh, if they were to insert X-Men now into this universe, I would be there's rumored they are going to. I would be much more enthralled. Uh like I'd be like, all right, all right, let's see what happens.

SPEAKER_03:

There's gonna be a confrontation. That's the thing. That's the that was our that was our thing, is that this thing was simple and it was flat because it was very black and white, and X-Men is a gray area.

SPEAKER_01:

And so maybe they're just maybe they're just building the ground floor. Maybe they're just building the ground floor. And if that's the case, I can go back and maybe adjust my score if I look at it as a whole.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I would agree. And I think that later content can affect it both positively and negatively. Sure. Yeah. Because you look at the Mona Lisa now. What a piece of shit.

SPEAKER_01:

Piece of shit, dude. Oh my god. Cast face little bitch.

SPEAKER_03:

I've seen way better portraits. But but Luke, you had a point. Like, and that kind of it's funny because my golden path on this movie wasn't uh something that I really want to talk about on the golden path specifically, was Marvel's idea that this had to be a continuation. I had already thought about this, and I feel like they like end game should have been the end of that era in that in like of that should have been like a work of art for Marvel, if that makes sense. Like leave it as is, and then start going off into these individual movies, and I feel like Marvel will have will have forever changed the industry to continue to strive for that, and that's why DC did so often. Because DC was never doing that until Marvel was like, oh, like you guys like like movies that all tie together and are all um symmetrical. And I feel like we gotta go back.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, well, I feel like we need to blame that uh that so that's that's Warner's brothers, and that that's not DC. That's Warner's Brothers.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you think Warner's when? On what?

SPEAKER_01:

And like Batman Dark Knight or So every director in terms of like working on these films from Aquaman to Oh, Marvel's the problem.

SPEAKER_03:

Marvel is the real problem. Exactly. And all studios they bought into it and fucked everything up. You're right.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so DC is working on a film, and then the Warner Brothers executives come in and say, No, this is not Marvel enough. And like, dude, it's not fucking Marvel.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And that's what I was saying. They kind of ruined that aspect where it's like we have to do that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

It's just a crazy thought to me that um something like that can almost hurt hurt an industry in a way. And again, it was so good. I loved the original um Marvel um universe. What what was it series? Step one. Cinematic Universe. Yeah, cinematic universe. Phase one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, phase one, sorry. I love the phase one, and I I feel like they forever, forever changed it. When I watched this movie, I was like, I just wasn't pulled in as far. And I feel like because I was like, alright, we're doing it again, I guess. And it was good still. I was like, yeah, I enjoyed that, but I'm like, I feel like I've done this before.

unknown:

Oh.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I mean, if you remember the original phase one, like I really enjoyed Captain America phase one. I enjoyed the first Iron Man, even though I I am personally, I think Iron Man is the most boring fucking dude ever. And uh I do not care about Robert Downey Jr. But but then Thor phase one was trash. That movie was ass.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, yeah, I did not like the first Thor.

SPEAKER_01:

I liked Thor back. I liked the first Thor. Like I did. Maybe Natalie Portman just needs to go away too. I I don't know. Don't you dare say that.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I like Natalie Portman. She's pretty great.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm in love. I don't know then. Because I I thought it was just the only good part about that whole freaking movie was the when he slams a mug down and says another. I'm like, that's kind of funny. Is this movie over yet? That was my experience.

SPEAKER_03:

No, I didn't get that from it. It was a riches to rags story. It definitely wasn't as much of a superhero movie as it was like a man out of time. Like what is it, a Prince in Manhattan or whatever? I can't remember what. But it was like it was a movie from like the 80s or 90s where like um where like a dude from Victorian times gets transported to Manhattan, and then and it was a fun it was a fun romantic comedy. And then they just that was just Thor. They did that. Enchanted, like enchanted, yeah, like enchanted, yeah. Yeah, that's what it was. That was the movie. I liked it. I was like, yeah, I like that. I'll watch that. So is a Disney princess.

SPEAKER_01:

So well, I had watched Iron Man, and then I'd watch Captain America, and each time I'm like, alright, that's pretty cool. And then I watched Thor, I'm like, ugh. Do you like romantic comedies? Depends on the one. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I I do I if you like some romantic comedies, then I can say a few of them.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm totally into you know, romance and finding love when it's least expected. Like, forget about it. I'm I'm totally down. But some of them are trash. Some of them are problematic, like that one with Gerard Butler. Absolutely. Yeah, but anyway, Catherine, we're not here to do that.

SPEAKER_03:

And then another point that you guys kind of brought up and I had also written down was the fact that it was kind of I felt like, and I compared it to Superman that it everything's just gonna be okay, and it was kind of jamming that down our throats a bit more instead of I felt like James Gunn was trying to uh bring up points and really reference realm, and this just didn't.

SPEAKER_01:

Superman, it was everything's gonna be okay because we are gonna fight tooth and nail to make it okay. In Fantastic Four, everything's gonna be okay because as a society we just managed to agree that everything's gonna be okay. And like that.

SPEAKER_03:

We trusted in our exceptional individuals. You know what they should have done? They should have had the townspeople steal that goddamn baby, and then Galactus comes and like they have to save the baby from the people and it's showing them not hurt the citizens, but still fighting them in a way.

SPEAKER_01:

Because it's 1960s retrofuturism, it's a it's a bunch of minorities lifting this child up to the dark god. And we're all like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh no, I I feel like it would have, you know, it just could have told more and you know, just like we said before, it given us more thought. Like deep. Here's the thought I had. Again, you touched on it about like how to correct this problem. Like to have something like that happen and then have the color, have the film uh the uh um have the filter switch, have it go from being retro futurist to being like brutal futurist, where it's like everything is in shock definition, and everything is like, and then like that's where reality kicks in. I thought about that. All of a sudden Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up. He's like, What are you doing?

SPEAKER_01:

I'm innocent.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, Pedro Pascal doesn't look, you know, perfect hair, and like with that soft focus, he now looks like an he you can see the definition in his face instead of it being all smooth, and like see that his hair's wild, and like everyone goes, it does look almost like and then it then it does look like a war zone. Nothing ever looked like a war zone in. No, never, never and then it does. Like that's how I thought would be like an interesting way to speak with the camera to do a transition like that. But I respect these, I respect the director of carrying the whole theme all the way through. And like not everything has to be undercut.

SPEAKER_01:

If the plan is to if they're phase onening, retro futurism, as Stanley envisioned for the Fantastic Four, and then Stanley envisioned to insert the X-Men, yeah. I'm gonna be thrilled. I think that's gonna be awesome. But standing alone, Fantastic Four is hollow because like this this world is is lame. It's naively hopeful. It's naive, it is totally naive.

SPEAKER_02:

That's what retrofuturism was.

SPEAKER_01:

That speech that uh Susan Storm gives was lame as but it it the whole planet was like, yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Like you two, like you're about to die. Mind you too, you're telling me only that neighborhood's block of people is gonna show up at that place. The whole world's about to die because of this baby. Like the world's overthrowing it. I'm sorry. I know.

SPEAKER_01:

But six billion people would rip them apart and get that baby, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, or they'd have to kill all those people, and they don't want to kill those people either. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

Killing six billion is gonna be bad for the yeah, that's that's bad for retrofuturistic PR. But you know, propaganda.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, it is important. No, we gotta keep going. There's so much to talk about here, man. So the naivety is part of the retrofuturism, right? It that's the thing that makes me think this might be looked back at as a really, really good movie. Is because it's kind of like what it is with Starship Troopers, where it's like meant to be like it's it's plays like a Nazi propaganda film because that's what it's trying to embody. And it's also trying to point the camera at us and say something to us about it. And I think that's what this movie is doing, and it's saying that you wish you could be blissfully naive and that the world fucking worked like this, and you would be so fucking calmed, and your anxiety would be lifted away if the world was this fucking black and white and simple as Red Hart Futurism. You just made me think of the fact that like the television show that they did, like it just like it's okay, the Fantastic Four are here. Like really, like, oh, they leaned into it so much and throughout the movie continued that theme, which is interesting because like the TV show even at the end was tied off. Like it was like still even after Galactus left, the world just kind of went back to like, all right, the Fantastic Four are here.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, and I was thinking the whole time was and and like I said, if they if they come out with the X-Men and the like the other things that were happening in the 60s and 70s that Stan Lee touched on, I'm gonna be really happy. But the whole time I'm going like, and then we just gave her political power. That's the and we just gave these four fucking people just keys to the society. Like, you'll protect us, you decide for us, we'll give our weapons up to you, you do whatever, you got that one guy who turns into fire. Do whatever, I don't give a shit.

SPEAKER_03:

It's what people want. Like, that's literally what happened with the election of Donald Trump. Is is like this is what the world wants. It's pointing the camera back and saying, You want everything to be super fucking simple. It makes sense that this is made by the versus evil. Yeah, yeah. No, but it was, but I think it's calling it out too. I think it's doing it so purposefully that it is a reflection on it. Like that's just like Starship Troopers was, just like Starship, because remember, Luke watched Starship Troopers and he was like, that movie was dope, like this future fucking rules. And then we're like, it's a giant Nazi film. Hold on, it's kind of like propaganda film. And it the thing is, the Nazis were really good at propaganda, so and so it becomes an artistic commentary on it that thing's place in our world, which is called postmodernism. And so this might be a postmodern masterpiece. I know I do this a lot, maybe I know I do this with every move. Like, what if it's a postmodern masterpiece? But what if but this time I think they did it really good. I think it was a perfect time to release something where they're like, you want a naive, hopeful future where everything just kind of works out.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, so that that's that that that's like and and that's what scares me the fuck about Disney is because they obviously have a plan for us.

SPEAKER_03:

This is manipulation, yeah. It's propaganda. That's what I said at the beginning of this. All art is propaganda. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Have children, have children, have children.

SPEAKER_01:

So and so like I think of like Beauty and the Beast. Alright. We're gonna talk Disney for a second. Let's talk beauty and the beast. All right, we we have this uh a singing teapot giving our society permission for a fucking uh sociopathic, narcissistic male who's a beast, to kidnap a woman, threaten her father, they fall in love, it's all good to go, don't worry about it. And and that's why I will ne Beauty and the Beast is why I will never fucking trust Disney because that there's that story is so fucking problematic. And there was actually, so in 1976, there was an adaptation of Beauty and the Beast, and that was directed by Fielder Cook, and it stars uh George C. Scott and uh Virginia McKenna and Trish Van Deveren, I believe. No idea who any of these people are. Nope. So anyway, 1976, and this was the only time I've seen Beauty and the Beast portrayed as the like disturbing horror film that it is. Right. Where they looked in the face the fact that this beast kidnapped the father, said, Alright, I'll let you go if you give me your fucking daughter, and she starts banging a creature and looked at it for how ugly this story really is. Um and that's why I will never trust Disney, because like it's it's Beauty and the Beast has been told from that standpoint, and so like I've said a few times here, if if they introduce the difficulties and the um problematic situations that revolve around this retrofuturism and this sort of Jetsons thing that Stan Lee is jumping off of, if we actually look at it with a lens, and if that's their plan, I'm gonna be thrilled. But I think I don't trust.

SPEAKER_03:

Are you not tired of gritty superheroes? You're not tired of it yet.

SPEAKER_01:

I love Superman because he was a good superhero, and our world fucking sucks, and it didn't ignore that. Yeah. But this is just good superheroes in a world that's good and don't fucking worry about it.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. But I think that I think that you know, I think what you brought up about not trusting is important. I think if you don't trust this movie and you force yourself to look into it, it may it kind of makes you recognize how purposeful everything was. Yes. After it forces you to look into it and it makes you recognize up for and that takes like a really great vision. That takes like a really strong vision to make everything that purposeful, which I think makes it a good movie. Sucks. But I got also I'm never I'm never gonna I'm never gonna change my score, but it just I keep I have so I I have so much to say about this. I could keep going, but we shouldn't. There's the four humors, they're the ninja turtles. It's very it's a very common scheme. Look for it in all your movies.

SPEAKER_01:

Have four people Vanessa Kirby's awesome. So moving on to the third portion of this.

SPEAKER_03:

Vanessa Kirby's awesome.

SPEAKER_01:

It's time to get into the last part of this. It's time to insert ourselves into the Fantastic Four. What would happen if you guys were in the Fantastic Four? Or just the movie itself? Um James, you want to take this one away?

SPEAKER_03:

So I'd be a mole person. You'd see me near the end of the movie as people were coming down into the shafts and be like, come on, come on off the buses. We're yeah, you join us with the mole people. I'd be handing out you know food and stuff. I'd be like, enjoy your mole food and you know and be a good old time. I yeah, that's the that just that's how I'd I would survive because no one in the tunnels died or anything.

SPEAKER_01:

So everything would be fine, it'd be as scary for a little bit. Just you and JD Vance down there.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. And I I trust my leader. He got up there, he got stuff done. We helped them, they helped us save the planet. Like the mo mo subterranean seems like an excellent uh society. It does. Alright, all right. Uh that's pretty early. I'd be I'd be I'd be smoking weed also. That we'd be I'd be sharing weed with the children, especially.

SPEAKER_01:

Calm them down. Look, you guys are all you guys are panicking. Take a pup off of this.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh it's actually everyone's super high because there's no ventilation in the tunnels. So the tunnels are just filled with fucking weed smoke. Everybody's getting a clock.

SPEAKER_01:

It's skunky down here. And you're like, they'd enjoy it though. This is good shit. It's legalized. Retrofuturism.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it's legalized in subterranean. So come down here for a party, boys.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. You can't ignore politics down here where it's legal.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, uh Luke. Luke, how about you? I want to be the robot and I want to curse a lot more. I want to curse the whole movie. I want to constantly, like, just under my breath. I just want to be like, like just say wild shit.

SPEAKER_04:

What my dude?

SPEAKER_03:

I would be like Yeah, shit like that. Uh it would definitely be just like 28 inches later. Oh, I'd have a shiny no giant penis. Giant robot, obviously. I I would like to be always there, like just every shot. I'm in it. Herbie's in every single scene, no matter what. Herbie was in it a lot in this movie. I want to be in it more. I want to be the star of this movie. I want it to not be a force of anymore. I want it to be a fantastic class. The camera's just on you all the time, and things are just happening around you, and the camera has to swirl around you to get whatever's happening in frame. Yeah, exactly. Perfect. I want it to be like an NFL player. There's like line cameras that go next to him and just shoot out the bottom. Exactly like that. That's I want the whole movie to be shot. Perfect. From Fantastic Four from Herbie, and it's just me cursing. What the fuck?

unknown:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03:

Hell yeah. So yeah, that's uh Fantastic Four. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I I would meanwhile be I'd be bringing the dark to this fucking thing. You guys want 60s retrofuturism? Alright. I'm Shea Guevara with mutant superpowers because why the fuck do the four of these people have access to our government? They were astronauts, they came back with power. Why are we giving them keys to our entire society? Why do they get to side who we are? They were smart and good. And I'd be like, no. Socialism and guerrilla warfare are gonna take them down. And uh I would have some sort of cosmic superpower because they obviously have issues with that. But I'm gonna combine no, I'm just gonna be a teleporter. I don't think they know what to do with a teleporter. It's true. I'd be a teleporter with an AK-47 of an hand. He built a teleporter, also, though. So I just destroyed all that. I would destroy all of that. That's gone. That is gone. Um, if you could teleport, you're a god because you control space or time, and um that's gone. That's gone, that's over. Yeah, and I would teleport into his bedroom as he slept and you know, place knives with you know messages on his pillow and shit like that. It would I I like you guys want to play the 60s and 70s. All right, here's uh the Cuban Missile Crisis, here's the civil rights movement, here's they did you know Cuban. Did you like X-Men First Class? Honestly, it bored the shit out of me, and it was only saved by Man Nito.

SPEAKER_03:

That's the thing, is man it's rough because a lot of the things were like they could fix it, is they've done it, and it's like it seems pedestrian to us now.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, no, yeah, I get that, but it was just bad writing. It was just bad writing. It was writers who aren't worried about their next paycheck, so they don't come up with anything good. I truly believe that Superman was so good because the writers and directors were approached by CN Warner Brothers and said, if this isn't a success, we will kill you. Do you understand me? Do you fucking understand me? And there was like a gun put under Gunn's chin. And they're like, We will blow your brains out. Do you understand me? If this movie doesn't work, and I think that's what happened there, and it just didn't happen.

SPEAKER_02:

Do it, motherfucker! Do it! How dare you?

SPEAKER_01:

How fucking dare you? So they that's when they brought you know images of his family to him, and they're like, Alright, if you're not afraid of death, obviously.

SPEAKER_03:

And he's like, Those people are meaningless to me, they're strangers, all I do is work on movies.

SPEAKER_01:

So and that's uh honestly, I think that what we just created there is a very accurate portrayal of what top-tier A-list Hollywood is. Yeah. You think I know who they are? I impregnated that woman 10 years ago, and I've been sure when that one was born. So go fuck yourself. And then they threatened him to something that well, I don't know. They had pictures of him naked with someone. I don't know. He was on the Epstein flight logs, maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's get those things out there, people. Come on. So, how would you be in the background of my Herbie shot movie? Oh, just teleporting around? That's the end. Killing your family. I'd be killing your family.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Tragic.

SPEAKER_01:

I'd be killing your family. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Would you kill Herbie though? That's my question, really.

SPEAKER_01:

I have no reason. You are a byproduct of this, you know, warship slash industrial complex to these four folk. Sure. And I I think of you as a victim.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I like that. Yeah. I can be, I can. And I would arm you with an AK-47 and say, join me, brother.

SPEAKER_03:

Does this global population of dummies need someone to look up to?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Um, yeah. And eventually, like 20 years later, you'd realize that I became power crazy as I changed the world order, and you would shoot me with the very AK that I gave you. It would be a whole thing. Um and that would be the end of this iteration of the Marvel franchise. Phase two.

SPEAKER_04:

Herbs. Phase two is loaded.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Fighting white um Shankovarian teleporter.

SPEAKER_03:

I'd watch it. That's my endgame.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it'd be fantastic cinema. Uh five stars.

SPEAKER_03:

I like I our movies usually do end pretty good, I have to say.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah. Everyone would be going, what the fuck just happened?

SPEAKER_03:

What did I just watch?

SPEAKER_01:

We we make some real bangers. Just give us a few hundred million dollars, guys.

SPEAKER_03:

Come on. Yeah, give us a shame.

SPEAKER_01:

Make the bangers all goddamn day. We just described probably one of the most original, wildest fucking superhero movies that will ever be filmed. Get with us. You can text us on our website. It's it's all gone. We'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_03:

This guy just fucking kills the Fantastic Four while they're sleeping. Just murders the shit out of it. And then it just really starts going about him and this robot fucking going on rampages killing Kimmy's universes. What the fuck is going on here? You gotta see this movie.

SPEAKER_01:

He makes Nycrawler look like a bitch. Like he knows how to use teleportation. But anyway, there you have it, folks. I I I I don't know how you feel about that one. I do recommend that you see Fantastic Four. Give it a wide. Go see this movie.

SPEAKER_03:

See it in Dolby. It fucking rocked me in Dolby. Also, the Tron. Did you guys have a Tron? I did. I did. If you were in Dolby, that shit fucking shook my ass. It was so strong. I want to see that movie so bad. Doing that one.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm not even into tron.

SPEAKER_03:

I didn't get it this movie, but I got it before. I did get the uh the new Avatar preview. I did too. I did too. I was not excited. No? I think I thought it was an interesting concept. I thought it was an interesting concept. They're running into people that are not always good. And they're not gonna have to actually there's like a little bit more. Yeah, just it was just a yeah, it was like interesting.

SPEAKER_01:

When the bad girl stepped out of the the ship there, and there's like that moment there, I was a little like, oh, oh my. But uh I'm sure it'll wind up on this show. So something to look out for. Um, I think uh next, I don't know what's coming out next, but we'll find out. Um check out our super naked gun is soon. Naked gun. That was it. It's time for us to do a comedy. About time, it's about fucking time. So I think Naked Gun is next. So uh stay tuned for that, folks. Uh, thanks for listening. I'm your host, Ryan Bear Northwest with me as always, James Crosslin, Luke. It's been a pleasure. Bye. Bye.

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Ryan Baron North

Host