High n' Dry Podcast

I Was Jeff Goldblum the Entire Time (Jurassic Park): High n' Dry Episode #75

• Ryan Baron North and James Crosslin • Episode 75

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Have you ever wondered if "Jurassic Park" could legitimately send shivers down your spine as a horror film? Join James and me as we raise our glasses, in honor of both Sam Neill's iconic role in the dino-epic that shaped our nightmares. 

Picture Jeff Goldblum, shirtless, amid the chaos - yup, we're talking about that scene, and so much more. The episode isn't just about paying homage; we critically examine character arcs and narrative choices that left us itching for a rewrite. Plus, our conversation isn't bound by the thematic fences of the Jurassic era; we extend a heartfelt saludo to our listeners in Hermosillo, Sonora, Mexico, embracing the global community tuning in to share in our filmic musings and what-ifs.

We wrap this cinematic feast with a spotlight on the exceptional range of Sam Neill, contrasting his enigmatic roles from the dinosaur-ridden islands to the gritty streets of Birmingham. Our banter is seasoned with humor and a dash of enlightened thought, promising not just an entertaining episode but one that stirs the pot of contemplation - all without the typical podcast preamble. Ready your preferred libation and settle in for a podcast episode that's as extraordinary as the tales we're toasting to. Cheers, film aficionados!

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Ryan Baron North:

Hey everybody, welcome to High Enjoy Podcast, the only podcast keeping alive the fandom of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I'm your host, Ryan Baird North.

James Crosslin:

Legitimately Enjoyable stupid movie.

Ryan Baron North:

Answer with me, as always, james Crosland. James, what's going on Thoughts?

James Crosslin:

Thoughts on League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It's great. I really loved all the underwater stuff with Nemo. You know I'm into diving. Now I actually went diving today.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, it was actually meaning to ask you. I'm not sure if our viewers are aware how you spend your random Sundays.

James Crosslin:

Oh yeah, I spent my time out in the cold ass water. It was like 58 degrees in the water, cold as shit and I went around I found a scallop patch. Yeah, so I'll be grabbing some scallops next time I'm out. I didn't take anything today because it rained recently in San Diego and it just floods the water with like motor oil and dog shit and stuff, so I don't want to eat a scallop that's been eating that.

Ryan Baron North:

Makes sense, makes sense, all right. Well, that's super interesting. I wish I had something like that to do in this Texas hotel room. I've been trapped in for a month.

James Crosslin:

You could probably hunt something in there. Probably not as tasty a scallop.

Ryan Baron North:

I just leave little breadcrumbs and I've been convincing this mouse to come out of the wall.

James Crosslin:

You got your speargun ready. One of those little electric shockers they use on the velociraptors Got you little slumbitch.

Ryan Baron North:

So we're high in dry podcast. Thank you for joining us. Today we're going to be talking about if you haven't cast, or if you haven't seen it, or you just have no idea what the fuck we're doing. We're going to be talking about Jurassic Park.

James Crosslin:

We're a philosophy thing. Why did you not?

Ryan Baron North:

have seen this movie. We're going to be talking some philosophy of the pop culture. We're going to break it down into three parts for you. We're going to start with our sober thoughts and then we're going to move into our enlightened thoughts and then we're going to follow it up with some what ifs. So we're going to insert drugs and alcohol into Jurassic Park. So before we jump into it, James, what are you smoking this week?

James Crosslin:

So this week I'm smoking. I've got a return of the Oster Dam OG from Originals California. I don't think this is a very good flower. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not impressed by what they've got. If you want to change my mind, reach out OriginalsCA at originals underscore CA on Instagram. If you want to give them some shit for their weak ass products, I'm going to be smoking that I'll tag them.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, tag them. I'm going to be smoking this with a bunch of keef in it because I need it, because otherwise it won't get me high.

Ryan Baron North:

Jesus. Well, all right. Well, I'll be joining you with Makersmark number 46. Ooh nice, the French Oaked, I'll see here it's 47%. It's supposed to have notes of vanilla, caramel and spice, while offering a longer finish without the bitterness of my dad, was supposed to.

James Crosslin:

I've met your dad and he's pretty bitter already.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, this is, according to the bottle, that's from Bill Samuels Jr.

James Crosslin:

Oh, okay.

Ryan Baron North:

Son of the founder.

James Crosslin:

Sorry, Sorry, Mr Baron North.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, our first one, first toast, first hit, first shot, here this one's going out to the film today Jurassic Park, cheers, cheers.

James Crosslin:

Wow, that's some good ass, keef.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh, there's no way of doing this one with a straight face. Maybe it's just because it was my first go, oh, but holy shit, yeah, it's not meant to be a shot. For those of you who are wondering the four Oaks, not the four Oaks, the number 46, it's not supposed to be a shot. You get hit by that cask strength right there. There's a lot of strange flavors that come at you with their pants down on that one.

James Crosslin:

Feel free to swirl it around a little bit. Enjoy it. You don't have to slide it down. Your goal immediately. You take your time, man, it's fine.

Ryan Baron North:

I think I might, on the second one, see if I can maybe enjoy the flavor a little bit.

James Crosslin:

Yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, let's load up the second one. That was a heavy pour. So originally today, when I started the day, what was I doing? I was doing something. I was talking to somebody and he was talking about fasting for 36 hours once a week. You know how I am when I hear any weird thing that you can try and do to your body.

James Crosslin:

I'll give that a shot. What the fuck? Yeah, you want to do it, which is crazy.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, and so this morning. I had completely. I hadn't eaten. I didn't eat today until I think closer to two when I realized, well, dude, I'm going to have a fuckload of drinking. I got to do here soon, it doesn't matter at that point. So I broke that fast a little prematurely. Good.

James Crosslin:

I'm glad. I'd hate to see you die on camera and I'm like I don't know he's in some hotel in Texas. 911, help him.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh yeah, I couldn't even imagine this barrel fucking thing hitting my stomach with nothing in it. So luckily today I have had keto bread, peanut butter and some ribeye.

James Crosslin:

So we're responsible consumers on this podcast.

Ryan Baron North:

That's right.

James Crosslin:

Fast before we drink, before we do it.

Ryan Baron North:

So our second shot, or second toast to this one comes, goes out to Hermosillo, sonora.

James Crosslin:

Oh, it would be Hermosillo and Sonora, mexico.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, it's Mexico, so I was looking at it and my thing at. Color codes are viewers based on country, but United States and Mexico are blue, so I'm thinking this is some place in the United States I have yet to hear of. But yeah, no. So Hermosillo, yeah, hermosillo, is it? Two L's, yeah.

James Crosslin:

Hermosillo.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, hermosillo, yeah, here's to you guys.

James Crosslin:

To the entire state of Sonora. Thank you.

Ryan Baron North:

Yes, cheers to Sonora. Little easier on that second go. There it is there it is, so it tastes like sucking on a cigar humidor.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, that makes sense.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, that's.

James Crosslin:

When Keith burns it tastes totally different than the flour itself. It's like bitter, but it's so much more potent. Okay, gotcha, Just a heads up for those of you who want to try a Keith or whatever. It is pretty bitter when you smoke it. Be advised.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, got it. I've had some really good bourbons while I've been here. I generally really do enjoy the standard makers mark. It's one of my favorite, especially for whiskey sourced and things like that. Yeah, I'm not really a fan of this $20 markup.

James Crosslin:

Really, it's just too aggressive.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, Punching Way too much. Yeah, way too much. It's like when you're barbecuing and smoking you want that smoky flavor. Yeah, Imagine if someone cooked your steak on a pan and then just dumped liquid smoke onto it and said it's the same thing.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, liquid smoke is really. I feel that a lot of people go way overboard on liquid smoke. You have to use it really sparingly. I put some in my carnitas and it's like half a teaspoon for an entire huge six quart Dutch oven and shit. Some people go way overboard. Yeah, I hate that overly smoky taste.

Ryan Baron North:

This number 46 is the liquid smoke of barrel aged bourbon. You could quote me on that. Makers mark, get them carcinogens. I'll tag them too. Our third one. This one goes out to, I guess, using your liquid smoke responsibly.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, always. Our episode is going to be about that today. Be responsible with the power you have.

Ryan Baron North:

That's right, there you go, cheers, cheers.

James Crosslin:

They were so worried about whether they could put that smoke flavor in they didn't stop to think if they should.

Ryan Baron North:

They just before they knew what they had. They got it just slapped into bottles on the fucking store. Sell it, sell it, sell it. And now here we are All right. So if you've stayed with us so far, you're a great sport and we appreciate you, so let's jump into it. We're talking Jurassic Park, the original one before it got all Chris Prattie.

James Crosslin:

Totally turned crazy. You know it's kind of like the alien franchise. I feel like it's very much like the alien franchise in that way.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, no, and I was turned off forever against the new iterations of Jurassic Park when they horrifically mutilated the assistant girl.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, the assistant who she dumped her niece and nephew on, or whatever.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, this woman who did nothing but like roll her eyes once as you were just fucking mistreating her, and there was a message that they were sending to young millennials and people.

James Crosslin:

She was on her phone. What the fuck is wrong with her? She was on her phone. Who's on their phone ever?

Ryan Baron North:

It was just such a sadistic scene and after watching it I was like, well, I'm done, I am good. You know, I thought Chris Pratt was funny when he was on the Leslie Knope show, but then I learned that he was a fucking raging dickbag.

James Crosslin:

So I'm good. And now he's just in like military thrill, like.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, seal Team 6 and biceps and yeah.

James Crosslin:

Seal Team goes to the future. He was one of those.

Ryan Baron North:

So I'm good, I'm good. And then fucking Anna Ferris with him from the early days when he was in that B movie about porn and the second he saw any level of success. Just fucking kicked it like, just said fuck it, and he was like married and a month later or some shit, yeah, what a dick. I might, I might. Anna Ferris is great. Anna Ferris is amazing.

James Crosslin:

If you want a really good high movie, there's one with Anna Ferris called Smiley Face. We only found out about it recently. It does a really good thing. No, it's not the horror one, it's called Smiley Face and she has this loop where she gets high, is confused and then nervous and then paranoid, and it does this loop of throughout the movie of her doing that over and over. It's great Interesting.

Ryan Baron North:

Okay, yeah, no, I had never saw that one. I remember her character of herself in Keanu.

James Crosslin:

Yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

I thought that was really good, not five.

James Crosslin:

No, it's just scary movie. One, two and three, not four Two old. She's very funny. Yeah, she was really good.

Ryan Baron North:

But anyway. So Jurassic Park, what are your initial thoughts? Oh, Re-watching the classic.

James Crosslin:

I mean, should I go first? Maybe you should go first, because I think I feel like you already know what I'm going to say.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, let's see here. So I had not seen it in a very long time. Yeah, so I did re-watch it yesterday and that was my first moment coming into the movie. For real, I'm like why is he making that noise? It is so bizarre in the scene. It is so weird Every time Jeff Goldblum is on the camera. It's so fucking bizarre.

James Crosslin:

His performance dictated the rest of his personality, for the rest of his public persona.

Ryan Baron North:

It was so weird when he was posing with his shirt open. Yeah, like, why are you? What a strange choice by the director, even Steven.

James Crosslin:

Spielberg knows what he's doing. People love that. It's an iconic scene. Well, it was so, so weird, so weird. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Steven Spielberg does a great job of like injecting levity and iconic moments, like things that are like a little surreal but like, in a way, that's not not. It's not challenging. Right, it's surreal but not challenging. It's not asking you to think about it or do any work. He's just really good at picking out like people go whoa, I wasn't expecting that.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, I was very confused and I you know, I haven't seen behind the scenes of Jurassic Park and I would love to see an interview where Spielberg is going. So, yeah, that's exactly what I was trying to do. I was, I was trying to shake your expectations. I was trying to essentially do a little blip in the, in the film.

James Crosslin:

He wasn't trying to shake any expectations, but he's great at surprise. Like it was a surprising scene, you were like whoa, what is going on, jeff? Yeah?

Ryan Baron North:

why are you posing?

James Crosslin:

Your chest is all the way out. It's because you know that's a good question. Why is he posing? He is a person who's very concerned about image all the time yeah, no and yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

so I feel that might be an enlightened thought. But just other sober thoughts on the film. I mean it was a huge, huge just. It was a discussion on the state of corporatism and capitalism. Yeah, and, of course, and the way we're the way we're headed and there was definitely like a lot of fear of science being interwoven into, at least without the proper precautions, Right yeah.

James Crosslin:

And I think it was. The blending of corporations and science is bad.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, and so there was a lot they were clearly trying to say, and you know, while attempting to make a blockbuster film, yeah, I do. I do wish they had been a little more focused on the Michael Crichton right, if I'm remembering.

James Crosslin:

Yes, the novel.

Ryan Baron North:

The Jurassic Park. The novel was a horror novel? Yes, and so I was.

James Crosslin:

This might be a high thought, but this is a horror movie. We'll talk about it later. I'm going to make an argument, but you had your sober thoughts, I'm I sober thought. So this is the greatest movie of all time. Steven Spielberg yes, steven Spielberg Excuse me, I bought the rights to this movie before it was written.

James Crosslin:

I mean, I mean, he bought the rights to the book before the book was published. He made a deal with Michael Crichton before the book was even published that he was going to make this movie. Yes, and so they did work jointly in this, in taking the script and turning it into a movie and planning shots and stuff. So he had a big Michael Crichton had a big hand in it. A few other things. This was the his movie that came out after he actually filmed this movie. Next, after Hook, which was one of, like, his financial failures yeah, quote, unquote. It was like he considered it a failure. It was like it was panned by critics and stuff. And the studio made him do Jurassic Park before Schindler's List because they were like no, no, no, you're going to do our moneymaker before you do your art film about the Holocaust and he was pretty pissed about it, yeah, I mean.

Ryan Baron North:

I mean we're here to make money, I suppose. So maybe Jurassic.

James Crosslin:

Park was a comment. Yes, yeah, definitely. Steven Spielberg is really good at making comments like that.

Ryan Baron North:

No, and he's like Jeff Goldblum is me trying to produce Schindler's List and the Velociraptors?

James Crosslin:

are the Nazis.

Ryan Baron North:

Are the fucking Nazis and the T-Rex is my goddamn agent and producer and the studio, and Jurassic Park is the studio.

James Crosslin:

Yeah. It's like Steve what the fuck are you talking about? I think we're definitely in high thoughts now.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, that being the case, let's load up our final go here. My final say of Maker's Mark without coconut, because if folks at home think I am done drinking, you do not know me at all.

James Crosslin:

Eat more before you drink more.

Ryan Baron North:

No.

James Crosslin:

Cheers.

Ryan Baron North:

So here's to Steven Spielberg trying to sum up the Nazis, holocaust and capitalism attacking his movies with Jurassic Park.

James Crosslin:

Cheers.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh, I forgot that was coming at me. I thought that was going to be a normal taste of bourbon.

James Crosslin:

I haven't referenced my notes at all. I had so many notes on this movie. I haven't said anything from my notes.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, please jump to the high.

James Crosslin:

I just think this is the best movie ever. Okay, so I referenced earlier that I wanted to make an argument that this movie is a horror movie. Yes, you know you mentioned that the book that it's based off of is horror and I've had I had to have this conversation with like multiple people recently. It's really weird that we decided to do this podcast and talk about this movie. I've had to have this conversation. I think that Jurassic Park is a horror movie. It has so many horror beats in it that it's almost undeniable that the second half of the movie is horror. You know they have suspense. They have. He took a lot of shots that he used in, like jaws of, like hidden, hidden things, and the fear and suspense, timed with music, that that brings that horror feeling, the horror feeling that at any time something could happen to you and hurt you. It's got. It's got fucking mutilated limbs.

Ryan Baron North:

Do this ripped pieces.

James Crosslin:

You see. You see a lawyer get picked up in the mouth of a trans source and his lifeless body shaking around. That's terrifying. They're hunted, and I think that a lot of people say, oh well, this is like an action movie. Right, it's not gory enough to be a horror, but I don't think that gore is what makes horror right.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, I agree with you entirely.

James Crosslin:

And I think that I think it's kind of did something like a From Dust to Dawn, where the first half of the movie is like a core, almost like a corporate espionage slash slash adventure movie. You've got Nedry doing like a corporate espionage arc where he's like meeting with an agent from another company and stealing stuff, and you've got a little action venture where there's some scientists who are like oh wow, look at all these cool things, and then just, and then just it turns as soon as Nedry knocks on stuff Like this is now a horror movie and it's going to be a horror movie for the rest of the movie.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, you just reminded me of another gold bloomy and scene of like sort of oddness, and that was Newman, when he's doing the deal in the beginning there, yes, he won't stop giggling, dodson. Dodson we got Dodson over here.

James Crosslin:

See, nobody cares.

Ryan Baron North:

Like it was just his like watching it again for the first time and he's like doing the over the top, giggling when he received the money and for a second. I was like is he not a good actor? I don't remember him not being a good actor, but then he continues the dialogue and he was fantastic. Yes, he was actually really good and so he's great to this movie.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, here, here, I have a note on that. So Nedry expresses glee at the engineering of the canister at the beginning and Sadler and Grant are gleeful about the dig they made and about when they meet the dinosaurs. Ian gleefully explains his cast theory. There's a lot of glee that's like over the top in this movie. Yeah, because what it's doing is it's setting a contrast for the horror. It's this way over the top glee. And then when the horror comes, they are also way over the top on the other end, where Sadler, like when she's running through the tunnels away from the velociraptor, like I compare that scene and like the over the top expressions of terror and like the feeling of dread that it gives to alien. When you see Ripley, when she first looks at the xenomorph and then shrinks like back up against the wall and there's just this bright light on her and all she she's doing, a twisted face of terror, and to me it's like a one for one on that and it really tells me that this is a horror movie. Yeah, I don't know.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, I, you know, I do remember being afraid of it as a child. When I was younger and I guess, before I dive into this point, you bringing up that Michael Crichton's idea was bought pre publication and just thinking, if you know, steven Spielberg knocked on my hotel room and said that hey, I hear you're working on something. It's going to be a movie, but it is going to be mine, you understand. And so me having to get in the headspace of a shirtless Jeff Goldblum in my work and going, oh I, that's a trip in and of itself.

Ryan Baron North:

But I also think I would have liked to have seen, because I mean, obviously we were just talking about how this series eventually plays out and they just go full bore into dumb action. Yeah, I mean, we have Chris Pratt on a fucking motorcycle riding with the Raptors. It was, it was the dumbest shit I've seen, probably in my life, and I wish, instead of going to the extreme on that side, I wish they had gone to the extreme on the horror side, and what we saw instead was just a super terrifying experience. But that's the problem, it wouldn't have been as marketable. You can't make an action figure out of Chris Pratt's shit in his drawers.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, Well, well, I would watch it. That's when I'd watch it. Like Chris Pratt shits himself on this one. I'd go see it. That's why, but but I'd say that the most I would say that the most profitable and most mainstream horror movies out there are not gruesome and most people wouldn't say they're like incredibly scary. You know it's. You know what. You know what the kitchen scene reminds me of. It reminds me of the shining, the way you're kind of like in when he chases them into the hedge maze and you're kind of you've got the geography of these shots of like. Where are they hiding? Where is what turn are they making? You know these shots of the victim in the foreground, with the enemy, the thing that's hunting it in the background, kind of looking around. That's the way you see Jack in the background of those shots. And I think that I think that to me there's no argument that this movie is horror. In the second half it takes a turn.

Ryan Baron North:

Without a doubt, just by the definition of horror, but what I'm not talking about introducing the gore to it. What I would like to see and amateur writers who are getting are trying to figure out your next hashtag for Twitter to collect an agent. You can't steal this, but what I would like to see is a hereditary times, but with dinosaurs.

James Crosslin:

Well, hereditary is. Would you say that hereditary is of huge financial success. I don't know how much money it made. I know that it's considered one of the best horror movies in recent years and I agree.

Ryan Baron North:

But the gore is few and far between on hereditary and it's just the constant creeping which I think you could do.

James Crosslin:

It is real. It is real. There are headless corpses walking around and bowing and shit. It's pretty gory.

Ryan Baron North:

But just not until that one moment and then it's over. It's just a quick second, even when spoiler the little girl catches her face on the telephone pole when you've already been watching this movie for an hour. At this point that's the first lick of violence. I mean Arguably. I'd say a pack of velociraptors would have been more violent than some girl getting clipped by a telephone pole.

James Crosslin:

Well, but Jurassic Park also probably made like five times in money. Oh, easily.

Ryan Baron North:

We're not about to have hereditary the ride. You just have a trace and poor actor who's just trying to make it sign their own head off.

James Crosslin:

Just trying to look the most horrified they've ever looked at their lives, oh shit.

Ryan Baron North:

You take your kids. It's gonna be a great time.

James Crosslin:

I caught a souvenir.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, you're not gonna have hereditary the ride, but that like I mean, had they have given me the directorial helm?

James Crosslin:

You would have made a real, a real gruesome horror. And you're right, hereditary did have a very marketability in that there wasn't just guts and and like onscreen violence displayed, it was like the onscreen. The violence onscreen that was shown was like all harm, harmful to the person themselves, like the mom. Tony Collette, right as our name.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh, yeah, yeah, and she's a revelation.

James Crosslin:

Yes, and she. All of her violence was self violence in that movie, like slamming her head when she was flying across the ceiling and shit.

Ryan Baron North:

Which arguably less violent than being eaten by a velociraptor?

James Crosslin:

Yeah, that's true. You see a dude's head grabbed by a velociraptor in this one, which is so, which is more, almost more violent than what's in hereditary.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, and I would also argue, the Jurassic Park I feel, after watching it again, I feel has a history of sadism in their violence, because it's never just a one and done chomp. Like Newman, he, his eyes are poisoned and he gets like it's kind of nasty and he's like struggling in the dirt, which I'd also like to ask. What were they trying to say? What did Newman do that was so wrong? Versus, which is Jurassic Park, did because he's got grandkids.

James Crosslin:

I Think that I think that he stole from the wrong people. Don't, don't touch the corporations money.

Ryan Baron North:

You know that that was the studio Injecting their message back to Spielberg, who just wanted to do his art piece.

James Crosslin:

I Think it was Michael Crichton, probably that the product is probably in the book, so the part is probably in the book. I don't know about Nedry's Ark in that one, but I'd say that I'd say that there's a lot of shitty people in this, in this movie, who did, who did deserve to die, but not all of them. One thing I never understood about this was at the at the beginning, when, like the velociraptor eats the worker, like it said, it was locked in place like it wasn't like negligence on any of the workers parts. Yeah, that lock, that lock failed in some way For that dinosaur to attack that guy.

James Crosslin:

I just wanted to say that that that wasn't those workers false, they weren't negligent. Yeah, so this lock manufacturer didn't velociraptor test these locks?

Ryan Baron North:

Well, and that that was the same problem you and I had when we first watched the new Jurassic Park, the first one with Chris Pratt, where the Template millennial gets just fucking savaged.

James Crosslin:

Yeah it workers get punished a lot this.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, it was you who had said and what you had said is actually stuck with me a long time on that scene, when you and I were first Discussing it made however many years ago, maybe a decade now you and you had said that you were either trying to make a statement or you're bad at your job. And which one was it? What is the statement here? How me? Because the statement's ugly. And if you want to deny the statement, that means you're bad at your job. So which way you want to go? And that's a good point? Yeah, no, you made a solid point all those years ago and yeah, for sure. So, yeah, I think.

James Crosslin:

I think. I think this really tells you're totally right. I think this tells you the mindset at the time that no one really questioned this, that the, that the villain who fucks it all up or whatever is a, is a laborer who, if they wrote to, if he, if Nedry, really wrote two million lines of code, like I'm a programmer, two million lines is like an absurd amount of lines of program. Like like Nedry either writing he's either writing a lot of really good stuff, which the fact that Jurassic Park is doing anything at all and one dude did the programming on it, that's wild.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, that there wasn't a team. Yeah, there, there wasn't a team.

James Crosslin:

It was a Nedry.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, it was one guy just getting fucking beaten down for this fucking so. So this guy could get richer, and they're like, and they're like they're like look at the dude's desk, it's a mess.

James Crosslin:

It's like, yeah, it's cuz. He fucking sleeps there because he's right, because he's working 24 seven to keep your park running and and fucking Hammond is like. I will not discuss your financial problems again.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, and just oh, yeah, no, and. And so I was. I was a hundred percent on his fucking side, yeah, and then his death was super sadistic again. Yeah, yeah, the same as that poor millennial girl who you're dumping on like everything and then she gets like eaten by three things at once. It was, yeah, it was so terrible it was so terrible. Yeah, I was mad to this day.

James Crosslin:

I was totally right with that. You're making a statement, your bad job.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, or you're bad at your job. Which one is it? Because if you're making a statement, there's an entire generation of people who have some words for you, and if you're not, well then why the fuck are you directing this?

James Crosslin:

Well, Michael Michael Crichton's like a bit of a wacko, I mean. I'm just like, yeah, he's a bit of a wacko. I think he's a libertarian-ish type wacko, so I think that he both hates corporations and thieves or whatever you know. Sometimes libertarians really like that. Like you know, even though Hammond's like a real piece of shit, it's his private property and and the violation of his private property in advance, as he made, is also equally wrong.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, and it's wild because, like you know, it would have really helped Jurassic Park in the beginning. Right there, some outside requirements and interference, making sure like watching you, you know people wouldn't have died.

James Crosslin:

Hammond had. He was. He was hiring Grant and Sadler to like sign off in his park because of the numerous deaths that have occurred. That's like why he. That's the impetus of the movie is like there's been a lot of safety violations and complaints and shit. I gotta bring some people into. Okay, this I. In the book, hammond dies, hammond dies. In the book he's actually torn apart by campies. Copies, the, the little ones.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, the little guys yeah yeah, and it's like a rightly deserved yeah yeah, it's like a bit by bit Regrew some death for him.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, no, but in the movie you know he's now, he's fine, he's, he's got grandkids, he's an older guy, he doesn't deserve that. The millennial chick yeah, she should be Flayed, but any no, it's a great point.

James Crosslin:

I think you're totally right that that was corporatism in that it was. It was we weren't ready to say kill CEOs to broader America, robo, robo cop to famously did that and Wasn't a super financial success either. It was people were like this is gruesome, you can't kill a CEO like that, no matter how bad he is.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm glad that we started. We finally turned towards the light. So here's to that. Oh. So, that being said, it's time to launch into our third portion of this. It's time for the what-ifs. So, james, what if you were in Jurassic Park? What, what, what's different? How's this movie change?

James Crosslin:

Well, the first thing I would do is question why they use amphibian dance DNA instead of bird DNA. Like Raptor means bird, they literally say that. He says that in the first scenes of the movie, where he's like he says it many times. Raptor means bird of prey, and they're like we put amphibian DNA. That's a huge Missing point. That's like what the fuck.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, well, we talked about this in the thing episode, where it's like careful when you combine your science with the fiction.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, seriously I would. I would take a gun. No, no one took a gun. Even even if you're not the most comfortable with guns or whatever. I understand guns can be dangerous, but try to exhibit as much Reasonableness as you can. There's dinosaurs afoot.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, you should have a gun. Oh yeah, not. Any of the dinosaurs responded to the one guy with a gun, as though they were aware what a gun could do.

James Crosslin:

Possibly, you know, I think they would be because, remember, one of them had to get shot At the beginning they didn't they? They probably do know about guns.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, they might, yeah, well, and then he said they were very smart she's.

James Crosslin:

He was like when she looks at you the big one looks at you you can tell she's thinking.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, well then I wonder if things out if you had the gun. Would having that gun encourage you to be more aggressive, versus Fleeting the situations like they did and survived? Yeah, I think that's.

James Crosslin:

I think. I don't know if there's any studies having Been done about that, about how, like, having a gun makes you more aggressive, but I kind of feel like when you have a tool, it's that we've done studies about how, about About the way certain tools or the way someone's dressed or the way they're standing or whatever, makes them Act more aggressively and take riskier chances and things. So I would not be surprised that holding a gun and feeling powerful would make you more likely to treat things head on and more aggressively. It might for me, I don't know.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah also. I mean, you saw in your what if right now you have a weapon?

James Crosslin:

We're hunting raptors. Ow, hold on to your butts.

Ryan Baron North:

That was weird. There was so few instances of profanity.

James Crosslin:

There's my first bloody if you uh Hold on to your butts.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh yeah, my first bloody if there would be strings of fucking Jesus fucking.

James Crosslin:

Christ, holy shit, it's face. Got you by dinosaur, holy shit.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, so yeah, putting me into it would definitely increase the rating we would. We would already have one fewer Universal Studios ride.

James Crosslin:

When the storm, when the storm started coming in, I'd be like why are we all standing around? Shouldn't we like be gone? Why did you bring me here when a fucking hurricane was approaching those? Don't just like form out of nowhere. They're forecasted for weeks. Yeah, what the fuck.

Ryan Baron North:

And then Hammond was like. I wanted to increase the level of suspense. You understand, I have grandchildren coming.

James Crosslin:

I would look at like at Costa Rica and weather before I went. Well, I guess, I guess that'd be really difficult in the 90s, I guess. Now I just Google it, but in the 90s I wonder how you'd get information on the weather in Costa Rica. Call someone there, I'm gonna call someone.

Ryan Baron North:

I distinctly remember growing up and we tracked hurricanes for fun, like it was definitely on the weather channel.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, the weather channel is like the 2000s, though you know it's weird to think about about the year 1990.

Ryan Baron North:

The late 20th century yeah.

James Crosslin:

And that was like a pre-Internet Boom Society, where information really wasn't available at your fingertips. You had to like, go looking for it. Yeah, it's pretty wild.

Ryan Baron North:

We grew up in a pretty crazy time, oh, so maybe we could forgive that one, but I would call ahead.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, how are things looking, not great.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah not that Maybe I should stay home, yeah, all three weeks out, then I'll show up. Yeah, shit.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, I would say I wouldn't. If I was there, I wouldn't sniff the eggs like a pervert, like Grant did.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, that was wild.

James Crosslin:

He's sniffing the eggs. He's like, yeah, that is.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, what is the key element or key decision that would define your time on Jurassic Park, that you did differently, that I did differently.

James Crosslin:

I would instruct the kids to crawl through the fence at those holes that were definitely large enough for a child.

Ryan Baron North:

Clearly visible yeah.

James Crosslin:

Clearly large enough for a child to crawl through, and I think that that probably would have given us the edge. Peter wouldn't be limping and shit, or whatever. His name, timmy wouldn't, be limping and shit and he'd take down one of the raptors by stabbing in the eye with kitchenware or something I don't know.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, that was such a heavy. There was such a heavy handed message in there of hey man, it's time to have kids.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, the, the, the un, un. Well, what's the? What's the word I'm looking for? Oh shit, I had a word for this. Well, he was. He didn't want kids, but he was prepared to be a father, like. When the time arose, he was like, he was totally prepared, he stepped up and he was a father figure to those kids. He protected them and made sure they were safe, except for the electric fence. Yeah, that was like oh well, it's like they were in the writer's room going.

Ryan Baron North:

We need to insert these cookie cutter scenes of tension.

James Crosslin:

Yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

And that that's all the fence was for sure.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, I don't. They could have just done like a more chain link style fence, but they didn't want to obscure the faces of their actors and stuff.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, yeah. Well, so if I was inserted into this, well first, if I was directing this thing, we're trying hereditary and Jurassic Park and dinosaurs. That's. That's what we're trying, yeah.

James Crosslin:

They've. They've tried it nowadays, but they didn't do the animatronic portion which you need the animatronic with the CGI overlay. They just skip that animatronic part now.

Ryan Baron North:

They do. No, and just the slow building tension, I mean, because of lots of raptors, terrifying, and that's all we need. So if we just slowly creep him up, forget about it. The movie's fucking made, yeah, but then if I was there, I would stop leaving all of the places of safety that were available to them for one, yeah.

James Crosslin:

And would you leave? Would you leave the other people in the park to die?

Ryan Baron North:

No, no, so we got to figure that part out. So yeah, I mean I'm with you there. We're definitely bringing a gun, for sure.

James Crosslin:

Where are the guns? Very first question All the gauntlets, all the fences are shutting down. Why would he shut the fences down? Where are the guns?

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, I need to be honest, right.

James Crosslin:

Tell me right now where the guns are.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, and you know I wouldn't be having this whole. You know well, like he gets like really weird about the hunting part of it. Like I get, you're a hunter, but like dude, come on, we get your shit together, All right, Jesus Christ, yeah, no, so I would have a gun on me and look, at the end of the day, asteroid or not, there is a reason why we are the dominant species on this fucking planet and we might lose a couple of us. But I see Velociraptor, I kill Velociraptor. Moving on that whole. Oh, they're coming from the sides, shit. Well, I'm going to back up.

James Crosslin:

But I'd say that, you know, in the movie they say that Velociraptors are, you know, almost they're like the most intelligent dinosaur and they could, if they hadn't all died, that they could have been the dominant form of life on the planet. So sure they're very intelligent or whatever, but a lot of intelligence, as we know, is part it's passed down, so Velociraptors would have had some kind of oral tradition of like teaching each other you know what was important in life and how to be better at things. But these Velociraptors were born out of eggs to no parents, right?

Ryan Baron North:

Yes, yeah, yeah, I don't exactly understand Antibian DNA. Yeah, not even the normal raptor DNA.

James Crosslin:

So I mean I don't see them hunt. When Grant says that they hunt and packs and like one will attack you from the side, I don't know where he's getting that from. How the fuck could you learn that from a fucking fossil? That's stupid to imply that and then they have it pay off in the end or whatever. But that would those pack hunting tactics and stuff. How instinctual are those? Yeah, those are taught behaviors.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, no. So for me there, I mean so my famous Jeff Globlum scene where I like break the theme of the horror. You know that scene where the raptors face, like moves into camera while you're hiding behind the counter, you know, and so it's like face to face with the raptor. Yeah, when the raptor would, you know, do his little thing right and and he does his little growl and like that's cute, you wanted to say that into my microphone. And then the raptor would, like bird style, look down at the revolver that I'm aimed at his fucking chin, and then that, and I'd cover my ear real fast.

James Crosslin:

And then fucking brains out.

Ryan Baron North:

And yeah, so yeah, I would avoid it going. Prattian, yeah, but I mean, his ship was ridiculous. The Raptors with the fucking motorcycle. That was so goddamn dumb.

James Crosslin:

It was very dumb.

Ryan Baron North:

That was the dumbest shit.

James Crosslin:

The problem is like did you see 65, I think, is the name of the movie. It's supposed to be like 65 million years ago and it's what's his face gets sent back and Adam, no, no, no.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh, adam Drive, I actually did want to see that. I wanted to see that. No, don't see it, garbage. I mean you can see it.

James Crosslin:

Go check it out. It's horror. You know it's a horror movie, but I think that I think that I can see how your idea could go wrong because of that movie.

Ryan Baron North:

Okay.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, I think that you're right to go the hereditary track with it, where it's like, yeah, a lot of a long, long first act, and then things, and then things start ramping up right.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, and then the violence.

James Crosslin:

It's kind of what we had. Just that's what we had here, that's what we had. Jurassic Park is an hour, the first act is an hour and then, and then shit turns.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, yeah, oh, oh, oh my, I have one more. What, if all, right, so you insert me into this, right I would. I would be the guy in the first fucking scene, strongly, strongly advising that my boy stops threatening the chubby kid Like dude. This is really bad optics. You're like doing, you're saying some serial killer shit at this kid. I don't, I know he insulted the dinos. I understand, I know you're weird about this stuff, but you're freaking everybody out.

James Crosslin:

I made a note, I said. I said maybe we have a society of move too far away from scaring children for fun, because this was 1993, different time back.

Ryan Baron North:

They scared children.

James Crosslin:

You can scare their shit out of children. I would be like, maybe that was better.

Ryan Baron North:

Maybe, maybe, well, I don't know, I would enjoy.

James Crosslin:

I'm an adult who would love scaring a random child, but society says no.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, what year was this? What year was?

James Crosslin:

this, it was 1993.

Ryan Baron North:

1993., Okay, so that kid was a little older than us, which sounds like an exer.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, it sounds like a time for that, when scaring random children was okay. It sounds like I remember that from my youth, where scaring children was okay. I got scared by random people all the time.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh yeah, well, I mean honestly. So if that kid's anything like me being brought up at that time where some adults can just essentially do whatever they want and parents you can fear, I was working that shit out until my late twenties, yeah, you know I.

James Crosslin:

So I don't know we got to keep these youths busy. They're coming up with these crazy NFTs and shit. Keep them busy with their trauma so they don't have time to fuck around. Yeah, keep them busy with their trauma.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, yeah no, I mean like shit. I mean 2016 hit and I was just just starting to actually solve the problems that I can accumulate it in my childhood. So thanks.

James Crosslin:

I love, yeah, yeah, I love this movie.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, you got a final one.

James Crosslin:

Final one, if I don't know, I probably would have. It's like every one of these movies where I watch and we get to what the one if portion is like oh, I'd die very quickly or fuck someone. I'd die and fuck and or die, and I don't know. I guess that's just me, man, I guess.

Ryan Baron North:

I mean Jeff Goldblum running anywhere.

James Crosslin:

It's true, I don't know.

Ryan Baron North:

It was got his chest out.

James Crosslin:

I think that in that scene I would have left the, the, the dinosaur behavior actions, to the expert and I would have stayed in the fucking car.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah.

James Crosslin:

Instead of instead of breaking my own flare and running around Ian Malcolm was such a idiot in that scene.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, I stayed in the car. Well, for my final. What if I you had brought up a good point earlier about the Jeff Goldblum chest scene. Chest scene where he's someone who cares. You know, he's an intelligent guy, obviously. I mean, he was the only one who was picking up on the bullshit right away, but he cared very much about people's perception of him. And that's when, when you said that I'm like I don't think I'm drunk enough for that particular enlightened thought, but I'm definitely Jeff Goldblum.

James Crosslin:

Yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

I'm, I'm, I'd be super concerned about my appearance through this whole fucking thing. Yeah, so yeah, there's the other. What if it? So the final one is he's like no, he's laid out. He's laid up with his shirt out and then it flash cuts to the other side of the room where I'm just like kind of doing the same thing.

James Crosslin:

You've ripped your shirt, you got. You're like I think this pose is better. Yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

And so, yeah, him and I would just flex on each other. Yeah, I'm also very smart. Yeah, I'm also very intelligent. But yeah, check that out.

James Crosslin:

To have two of you. They'd be so confused.

Ryan Baron North:

The viewers. What is going on? And I'm like this is 1993, bro, you don't know what a macro is just yet. You're just kind of going off of intuition. Yeah, yeah, I know what a calorie is and how to actually utilize that. So, yeah, that'd be if you're a strange film and then it's still a redditary horror yeah. It'd be a strange film. So well, there you have it, folks. There's our what if?

James Crosslin:

Yeah, and I've got random. Do we have a? Do we have a name for this horseshit section at the end where we just throw out all the stuff that we didn't get a chance to say Is there? Is there a name for it? Fod vomit? Yeah, let's do it Okay.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, quick second for your thought vomit. What do you got?

James Crosslin:

My thought vomit. I want to eat that Chilean sea bass. It was one of my, it was one of my notes. Nobody ate their food which is short-sighted, because they will need that energy soon.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, there was the ice cream scene.

James Crosslin:

That was. That was much later, and I also wrote I want that ice cream. Can you explain chaos? And I thought I thought it was a fucking great quote.

Ryan Baron North:

Can you explain?

James Crosslin:

chaos. And then I had the answer. See, here I am now by myself, talking to myself that's, that's chaos.

Ryan Baron North:

That was honestly. I thought that was a good scene. I I enjoyed it.

James Crosslin:

That was a really good one.

Ryan Baron North:

That was a good one. Yeah, love it. Let's see.

James Crosslin:

What else do I have? I love how shitty the bathroom is, that all the interior walls fall away immediately.

Ryan Baron North:

Instantly yeah.

James Crosslin:

I love. I love relating that to the spared no expense how everything turns out to be bullshit about the spared no expense. I was like who the fuck is someone Riley, like, he's like that the voice you're hearing is this person's spared no expense. I don't know the fuck that is.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, I meant to. Actually that was one of my thoughts. I meant to Google him and I never did. If I ever do, I did.

James Crosslin:

Google him, he isn't. He was an actor and I don't know how big he was, to whatever generation Hammond is, but I'm but I was like he wasn't doing anything in 1993. I don't think I would have heard of him then either. I've heard of. I've heard of famous actors from older eras. I'm not an idiot.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, yeah.

James Crosslin:

But I've never heard of this guy, you know.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, no, that's Brad Pitt. We spared no expense. Yeah, my final. What if? Yeah, brad Pitt would have been the one Get ready to die everybody.

James Crosslin:

Thanks, Brad. So little girls stares of horror are. She kills it whenever she has to express horror. She does a great job. She did yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

No, she did Good point. Good point, good point.

James Crosslin:

I love the pelicans at the end because, to quote the movie role models, dinosaurs aren't extinct, because birds are dinosaurs and they're everywhere. And that was the pelicans at the end. They're like flying next to the helicopter. I was like dinosaurs. Continue on today.

Ryan Baron North:

Yep, no, solid. Hey, I like it. So there you have it, folks. Thank you all so much for the always no, no, no.

James Crosslin:

I got one more. One thing that I meant to do with high thoughts was an unexpected there's an unexpected arc between both the people and the dinosaurs that children make life harder. The dinosaurs weren't expected to have any children and they ended up yeah, no one was expecting the dinosaurs, including themselves, to have children, and Grant wasn't expecting to have to deal with children, and they both happened in this movie. Unexpected children make life harder.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, that's almost counterintuitive to the have children theme that they're. Well that's interesting.

James Crosslin:

It's hidden in there.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, well, what are they trying to say? What was the? Again it comes down to like what are you trying to say? Were you trying to say something, or are you bad at your job? I want to know what the children make life more interesting.

James Crosslin:

Do you want to have kids or do you not? He doesn't. He doesn't end up having kids.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh, you're. You mean in the, in the community In Jurassic Park?

James Crosslin:

3. Yeah, in Jurassic Park 3, he is, he comes back. He doesn't have kids. Well, I don't know, Sadler does have a kid with someone else because he still wasn't able to commit to having a child. Sadler did have kids, but really I forget someone I have forgotten, oh, my Lord, this film Wow, interesting, interesting. Interesting. Yeah, he never. He never made a move.

Ryan Baron North:

Wow, he's. And she didn't get with Jeff Goldblum. What?

James Crosslin:

an idiot. No, I wouldn't be able to stand 10 minutes with Jeff Goldblum, but I. But you said you're like Jeff Goldblum, so maybe I could, maybe do it.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah Well, maybe I'm just. Maybe I'm just like I'm projecting on a Jeff Goldblum because I see him as me. I'm like of course everyone wants to have kids with me. That's all I'm doing. Yeah, and thoughts, though, just while on Sam Neill and before we finally let our captive audience go. Some potential good movies for high and dry in the future event horizon.

James Crosslin:

Oh yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, and the the Lovecraft one he did, do you?

James Crosslin:

remember that was the horizon.

Ryan Baron North:

No, no, no. He did a few and he also did like in the mouth of madness. He did a straight up snatch from an HP Lovecraft work and, like no one, saw it? Yeah, it's in the mouth of madness in 1994. It was the next year. No one saw it, but it is. It is a trip.

James Crosslin:

So I'm telling you, Sam Neill has a thread of horror Like, and it's just. It strengthens my argument he's a horror actor and he's good at it.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, he did possession, he did event horizon, he did in the mouth of madness, he did those, and they were all super, trippy, super trippy.

James Crosslin:

He was the main vampire in Daybreakers.

Ryan Baron North:

Wow, yeah so.

James Crosslin:

Sam Neill is awesome. I love Sam Neill as an actor. Yeah, he was awesome in Peaky Blinders. He was, he was. He played such a great piece of shit. He was a piece of shit. He was so good at it. He was so good.

Ryan Baron North:

I don't know what the accent was.

James Crosslin:

I don't know if that accent is a real accent, but man.

Ryan Baron North:

He was a piece of shit, I'm sure, like an Irish thing.

James Crosslin:

I don't know. I don't know what the fuck he was doing. It was, he was a choice.

Ryan Baron North:

I was in New, Zealand. Yeah, it was a choice. It was a choice. Well, I mean he had I liked him.

James Crosslin:

Well, he had fucking.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, captive audience, like you all are.

James Crosslin:

So I all right, there you go. Maybe in the future we'll do more.

Ryan Baron North:

Sam Neill, this has been high and dry podcast. Thank you so much for listening. You didn't say the magic word Bye. Bye.

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