High n' Dry Podcast

Surviving "The Thing": High n' Dry Episode #72

• Ryan Baron North and James Crosslin • Episode 72

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Join us, Ryan Baron North and James Crosslin, as we toast to the indelible Michael Landon and fight to survive the terror of John Carpenter's "The Thing." Grab your favorite tipple or toke, and get cozy as we weave through a tapestry of family values and survival instincts, with a nod to our friends in Glasgow for hitching a ride on this global podcast journey.

Strap on your snow boots and parkas; we're dissecting the grit and sheer willpower of Wilford Brimley's character amidst the Antarctic unknown, and tipping our hats to his off-screen diabetes management—a true testament to life imitating art. But it's not all frostbite and insulin; we're peeling back the layers of Keith David's mesmerizing performance and debating the timeless question, "What would Kurt Russell do?" as we examine the often baffling decisions made by the characters when confronted with an intergalactic foe.

Finally, let's probe the philosophical mind-benders and epistemological conundrums "The Thing" lays bare, from the solipsism of Russell's character to the laughable '80s tech predictions and the bone-chilling biology of an alien organism primed for planetary domination. Ready to confront the inescapable? Laugh in the face of cosmic dread with our darkly humorous outlook on fighting the good fight—or perhaps throwing in the towel when the universe sends shape-shifting extraterrestrials our way. Tune in to the High and Dry Podcast, where the lines between sci-fi thrills and existential thought experiments blur, all while getting wasted.

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Ryan Baron North:

Hey everybody, welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast keeping alive the fandom of Little House and the Prairie. And Michael Landon, welcome. Thanks for joining us. I'm Ryan Baird North with me, as always. James Crosslin, james, what's happening?

James Crosslin:

Not much, just really excited to talk about Little House and the Prairie today. Yeah, it's a good one.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, I'm more excited about talking about Michael Landon, just in general. Just in general, I feel he hasn't come up enough lately especially in the podcast.

James Crosslin:

Well, he's been dead for a while, I think.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, well, anytime I think of anybody who's passed on, I think of Coco, and I worry that, because I haven't talked about him, he's being dragged further into the afterlife, and so I got to keep his memory alive via my podcast.

James Crosslin:

Well, he did do a lot of great. Like all of his shows were ones that my family watched religiously. Well, I don't know about Highway to Heaven, but Bonanza and Little House on the Prairie 100% my family loved those shows.

Ryan Baron North:

Nice. Well, we just bought him a little extra time in the Coco Underworld. So there you go, michael Landon, enjoy. So you, who are just joining us for the first time, never heard this before, were you? We talk pop culture, entertainment, philosophy, all that fun stuff. We're going to dive into the thing, the film, the thing from 1982, but we're going to do it while drunk and or high. So that being the case, james, what are you smoking today?

James Crosslin:

So I, for even after we texted each other about doing this, I totally forgot that we were doing it, and so I already smoked on a little under a half a gram today, but I'm still going to go hard. Today I've got one I've never tried to do tried, called Oakstradam OG, I assume it's grown in like Oakland and it's all supposed to be like an Amsterdam. I guess I have no idea what the fuck. It's a really stupid name, but I'm going to try it.

Ryan Baron North:

Cool. Well, I'm excited for you. I'm going to be joining you with Makers Mark Whiskey, don't have the bottle with me. I put my shit in the decanter, the glassware going on over here behind the scenes.

James Crosslin:

So that way you can tell, you can tell anybody.

Ryan Baron North:

It's any type of whiskey in there, you could lie.

James Crosslin:

They just accept it because it's in a decanter.

Ryan Baron North:

That's right, I'm class and even brought, so I have a countered up earlier. I have eight different sets of my whiskey glasses. Today I'm going with the executive, so that's nice. But yeah, so Makers Mark, I think that's 40 horsepower if I remember correctly. But the tried and true, let's try it. Sometimes it's on sale, and that's when I pick it up. It was and I did. So this first one is going out to the movie today the Thing by John Carpenter, cheers.

James Crosslin:

Cheers. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to smoke this Cheers.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh yeah, I did know that we had this coming up, but it was lunchtime, I drank anyway.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, got it. You got it to get through the day Nowadays.

Ryan Baron North:

It's a mess, it really is.

James Crosslin:

It's like an alien's out here pretending to be dogs and people and shit. It's too much.

Ryan Baron North:

So the second one, now that we're officially back on the air, this will be our second run around. That goes live next week. Well, no, that's going to be Rebel Moons next week, but he's listening now. It doesn't matter. So this second one goes out to our newest listeners. These ones are in Glasgow. I don't know how we keep hopping to other countries, but we're making it happen.

James Crosslin:

I think they're going to be mad that you called it Glasgow. That's what it says it's Glasgow.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh, fuck that, it's whatever I say.

James Crosslin:

We can't understand you. We can't understand you when you talk anyway.

Ryan Baron North:

Get fucked Cheers. Here's to Glasgow Cheers man, I don't know what's going on Like I'm drinking more than ever, but I need to practice my no face making when taking a glass of wine. No face making when taking my ounce and a half.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, you don't, you don't like you, you know you're being very real, which is that which is where you go.

Ryan Baron North:

It's very real. Well, so, for this third one, well, what's it to? For this third one, I'll practice my no reaction, I don't know.

James Crosslin:

Well, this last one, that is to me not making a reaction when I take a drink.

Ryan Baron North:

If you're watching this on YouTube, you actually get to see if I pull it off. So here we go. Cheers.

James Crosslin:

I'll not have a reaction either.

Ryan Baron North:

Cheers, I felt the top lip move up a little bit, but I don't think it was that bad. I'll review the tape later. Yeah, I'll review the tape later.

James Crosslin:

Yeah Right, put a comment.

Ryan Baron North:

Just leave us a comment and tell, tell Ryan if he didn't make a face Like so I do the little, I sip all the time, but I'm not just sitting at the house busting shots, so you know, oh well. Anyway, now that we've so we've gotten our hits, we've gotten our shots it's time to get into this show. So we're going to be talking about John Carpenter's the thing and we're going to break it down. Right now we're going to go into our sober thoughts, then we're going to move into our enlightened thoughts, once the drugs and alcohol have had a chance to work their way into their system, and then, finally, we're going to do some what ifs. We're going to throw us into the thing and we're going to see what we could do that Kurt Russell was incapable of. So, james, sober thoughts the thing, what are you feeling?

James Crosslin:

Sober thoughts on the thing. I think that it's a it's kind of it's kind of a play on the locked room, you know, kind of it's almost like a stage play.

Ryan Baron North:

The.

James Crosslin:

Thing where the core of its tension and the driving force of the plot are actually interactions between people. You have a looming threat, but it's a lot of. This movie is just people talk and not trusting each other and trying to come up with solutions when they're presented with problems, and that's a very like stage play thing. There could be a the thing stage play, and I bet it'd be kind, I bet it'd be pretty good.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, I'm actually I'm working on that as we speak.

James Crosslin:

But I'd say that you know, in the presentation I felt like they did a really good job of. You know they did a lot of tight shots. You know it's I'd say it's comparable to alien in a lot of ways, where they make, they force you to be inside in this enclosed space. You know they have people walking, they have, they have these you know, deep shots of hallways and people coming towards you or leaving. You know the focus of the camera frequently and it's really tight. They have people coming through doorways a lot because just to show that every room is kind of small, they don't have a lot of space and they're all stuck here. I feel that it's a really good job driving the tension and the while the the props are limited by the time they were made. You know the technology just wasn't there.

James Crosslin:

They're very unique, you know and yeah, they're memorable, and I think that's one of the more important things when you're doing, when you're looking at a monster movie, is is it memorable rather than is it like photorealistic or something? Yes, and, and the same guy who did the props for this also did the props for total recall, and I had watched total recall recently. We're going to do an episode on it. I'd watched it for the first time, really as an adult and straight through, and I instantly noticed that it was the same person. I looked it up, I was like who did the who did the props?

James Crosslin:

Because they're so, they're so familiar and both of those films have, like really unique, recognizable props that are dating but so memorable.

Ryan Baron North:

Yes, see, I I thought right away that we were. I was looking at Kronenberg stuff, which wasn't the case, the dude who did the fly and all that kind of stuff. But but now that you think, I think about it, the styles are pretty distinct. But the thing he had such a way of I was like using tubing he found in his garage to make it disgusting and I thought it was especially, you know, limited. By the time I thought it was a fantastic job and that in. But as far as my sober thoughts. So I've always been a fan of the thing. I've seen it a lot. So Reese Merritt we've had on the show a few times. He actually came with me one time when they were doing a re-screening in Las Vegas. So I've even seen the thing in theaters and I've always enjoyed it. For me it's right next to, it's next to Alien, which we did an episode on Alien.

James Crosslin:

All the way next to Alien right next to it. Wow, yeah, and that's high praise.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, we had high praise for Alien, for sure. So, yeah, if you guys could go back and listen to the episode we did on Alien. We didn't much care for Alien 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

James Crosslin:

I'd have to watch them again, but I watched two pretty recently and maybe I don't know, maybe I was just off on how I was feeling or not approaching it very well, but I thought it was a fucking joke.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, but something to think. Though I appreciate the distinct personalities that are there, it seems to me like fucking Wilfred Brimley is the only one who actually has a job there. The rest of them just kind of drink or roller skate, so I don't know what to say about that Kurt Russell.

James Crosslin:

Kurt Russell's the pilot.

Ryan Baron North:

He's a pilot right, he does a helicopter pilot. Yeah, yeah.

James Crosslin:

So he does end up flying the helicopter, yeah. So actually I think the other guy, what's his name? Fuchs or something.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, fuchs, fuchs.

James Crosslin:

He didn't he take the samples of the ice and like I think I mean they did have some people do some science shit yeah it's very vaguely touched on, but at the same time you know that's a good thing.

Ryan Baron North:

You know you have a story to get to, what's the chase and how do we cut to it. And they did that.

James Crosslin:

In Rebel Moon, we would have just watched them do their jobs yes, for like an hour.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, and God bless Rebel Moon. You know there are farmers and every scene was just a to B. How do we get back to farming? Let's talk about crop moisture levels, let's. Let's get to where we need to be. By the way, I used to be a fascist and everyone's like oh, okay.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, hold on, let me talk for an hour about that In Rebel Moon. God damn it. So, oh well, so yeah, so those are my my thoughts on it. I enjoy it. I love the atmosphere. I thought the atmosphere is great. I like the personalities that are represented in it. I did feel like Wilford Brimley was the only one with a job, or at least he took his job seriously, which is impressive, because he's combating diabetes the whole time and he doesn't let that, you know, interfere.

James Crosslin:

I don't I'm just looking as they let him go to.

Ryan Baron North:

Antarctica.

James Crosslin:

Very true.

Ryan Baron North:

I don't think we get insulin down there, brimley, are you sure? He said no, I actually distill my own. So other than that though, yeah, I was I'm waiting to see what my enlightened thoughts are. Did you have any final sober thoughts?

James Crosslin:

Oh no, those are long gone.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh, they've left the building All right? Well then, in that case, I think it's time to move on to the second portion of this. Let me shuffle around my glassware. I'm going to need another shot before we get into our enlightened thoughts. Is Wilford Brimley still doing okay?

James Crosslin:

I don't know. No, definitely not. He's, he's 100% dead. Well, shit.

Ryan Baron North:

I just spared him from another cocoa style rip into this underworld too.

James Crosslin:

That's true. He died August 1, 2020. So he was like trapped at home.

Ryan Baron North:

Okay, well, that sucks. Well, this one's to Wilford Brimley. Cheers, Cheers to Wilford Brimley. That was the one, that was the one, so I forgot the key to it. So, for those of you listening and wondering how you too could drink like a well functioning alcoholic and not let it affect your face, you have to take it on the tongue slow, that's, that's what you got to. Let it roll down. You can't just choke it. You got to roll it down Really, save for the flavor of your maker's mark that was on sale at cost cutters, that's it.

James Crosslin:

That was, that was erotic.

Ryan Baron North:

All right. Now that we're all aroused and a little further down the road and Wilford Brimley's been spared from cocoa hell, let's get into our enlightened thoughts. So it's a James with drugs flowing. What are your enlightened thoughts on this?

James Crosslin:

My enlightened thoughts are thank God for Keith David. What a great actor. And I thought he was great. He's. David, is like one of my favorite actors, who pops up and stuff. Oh yeah, I absolutely love his lives. Right, he was lils. Hold on, let me look. I can't remember the name. I don't know their names.

Ryan Baron North:

I thought you watched it once.

James Crosslin:

His name is Giles.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, giles, that's right, that's right, I would have known that in the silver side. I would have known that in the silver portion, but we're beyond that now.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, we're way past that, but he was really great. I gotta say Kurt Russell was a good actor in this movie, but he played an absolutely insane man.

Ryan Baron North:

Yes.

James Crosslin:

He plays. I feel like he's so typecast as an impulsive hothead who makes like terrible decisions.

Ryan Baron North:

He escaped from New York like two years just to wind up in Antarctica. Like I mean, I'd be pissed off too.

James Crosslin:

And then he gets a job as a truck driver after this. The bomb didn't kill him.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, so, and he goes off and he's in San Francisco, which I would love to do an episode on that now that you bring it up, but please continue.

James Crosslin:

But he, I think that this is just a continuation or maybe a defining, you know film where he becomes an impulsive, just a hothead, and like the, when he fucking tells Keith David, you know, when he takes the gun and is like I think someone more even temperate should hold on to this. I was like I, I audibly went, he like he.

Ryan Baron North:

I remember the exact line.

James Crosslin:

He flew the fucking helicopter when they were like it's two days to supply this helicopter. He's like I'm going out there Like what are we looking for? I don't know. And then but. But even like the opening of this, movie.

Ryan Baron North:

He murdered their only chess video game.

James Crosslin:

That's what I was going to say. It's the opening of the movie is he loses a game of chess and destroys a piece of machinery.

Ryan Baron North:

That's just even tempered right there, yeah.

James Crosslin:

I was. I was like what the fuck are you talking about?

Ryan Baron North:

See, I think even temperedness is relative. He was intelligent enough and socially conscious enough to understand that any other man on this installation, had they have lost the chess game, would have blown up the facility.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, that's. That's just how Antarctica makes you yes.

Ryan Baron North:

But to that point I will say I kind of and it's interesting that you bring it up, and I think it's important to note that we don't know how we'll be until we're sitting there, and there's definitely a part of me right now, without getting too much into you know what was it going on in my real, non high and dry life? Right now I'm, you know, I'm finding myself in a place I don't want to fucking be.

Ryan Baron North:

I have a you know, a developing drinking problem, all those sorts of things, and I feel just like him, like I have tons of experience, like in my career, you know, and I'm just so fucking over it and I could totally kill that fucking chess game right now. At the same time, I would never let a single one of the motherfuckers I work with have the gun before me.

James Crosslin:

I believe you.

Ryan Baron North:

So I get it. I get where he's coming from. I understand.

James Crosslin:

I think that I think that this movie is actually incredibly deep philosophically and Kurt Russell represents a solipsism. You know where?

Ryan Baron North:

I was going to say that.

James Crosslin:

But please go on. But for those who, who you know, aren't familiar with the term solipsism, is this solipsism? Is this idea where you are the only source of truth? Only your experiences and your ideas can be trusted. You're the only thing with agency in the universe. This is all just a construction of of our minds and an expression of our minds to ourselves. And Kurt Russell, thinking that he's the, that he's even tempered, is like such a such a solipsist view. It's like dude, you, you, apparently, you can only see from your perspective.

Ryan Baron North:

Yes, yes, I well, I definitely see that. Well, I'll see that and I'll raise you the epistemological viewpoint of this particular movie.

James Crosslin:

Let's go.

Ryan Baron North:

So let's talk about. You know nature and the limits of our knowledge. No matter, no matter how long you shove Wilford Brimley into a storage facility and you don't always you give him that magical 1982 computer program that was somehow able to take a sample and determine that the exact amount of time before the world is taken over 27,000 hours.

James Crosslin:

This is what I saw.

Ryan Baron North:

What I want to know is why did they, why did they have that particular computer program? They have chess, they have chess master, and how long it takes for an alien entity to swallow the earth.

James Crosslin:

Those are the only two computers on board on that stage. Every computer single purpose, and those are the only two.

Ryan Baron North:

So if I was a Kurt Russell and Giles sitting there and I'm putting that together and I'm Kurt Russell, I'm like they gave us chess master. And how long would it take an alien entity to swallow the earth on a deluxe floppy disk? Why did they send us down here, Right, Like I feel like we were set up. I feel like we were set up, man. Those would be my last question.

James Crosslin:

I always questioned this computer and why it was here.

Ryan Baron North:

I mean, this is 1982. It took us five guys to bring that computer inside None of us asked why we needed it.

James Crosslin:

So, yeah. Who knows?

Ryan Baron North:

So I did appreciate the magical computer program they have but to bring it back to my point, the whole, the entire time is just the concept. Of our knowledge can never truly capture the full picture of what's going on.

James Crosslin:

Right. And I think that's really displayed by the script, and I think the writer had an epistemological crisis.

Ryan Baron North:

He was having some issues. His life had just handed him the divorce contract and he's seeing shit on there that was making him question everything.

James Crosslin:

And he just wished he had a program. He was like what are the implications that that one single cell is all it takes for this thing to survive? What are the implications of that?

Ryan Baron North:

Whatever, people aren't going, to ask too many questions and he just went. There's a computer program for that, but I think it definitely puts it gives you an idea of what the general public thought computers were capable of at that time. Right, and what just well, and just what researchers had that wasn't on their Macintosh, you know. Yeah, it really definitely showed us the fantasy of computers at that time.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, I agree, and I think that you know the general public wasn't as educated as they are now and I know I know it's we say like education's on a dip actually now. But I mean I feel like during our period we got a pretty good education. We especially, like it, touched on the higher concept, higher academic, you know courses than than conservatives would like. They say it's like a waste of time, but you and I know how, like the structure of a cell, how cells work in a body, like what's the?

James Crosslin:

size, the size of a cell, like what you know. All of these things are things that clearly weren't understood well during this time, because it just gets poo pooed that that each of the this organisms, individual cells is is in its own, an entire organism that will seek to survive and can replicate.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, and with a general, just a very general elementary knowledge of a cell. That is fucking wild.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, that means that means the earth is definitely like at, at whenever. Whenever this thing gets to where anything else is alive and can and can really kick things off, the earth is done. It's just it's going to happen when the ice caps melt. It's going to happen then it's going to. It's going to happen at some point in history that this thing is going to come in contact with life. That spreads it.

Ryan Baron North:

And that's just it. Wilfred Brimley did not need the computer program to understand that it was unnecessary. That was that was just for the sake of the audience, yeah, yeah, no, and that's a wild thing. And so my last enlightened thought and the thing I think I think I appreciate excuse me, I appreciate most about the film is definitely the look at the whole survival, our instinct to survive, yeah.

James Crosslin:

Pushed into contact with a community, yeah, that that's looking, you know, at its destruction and trying to toe the line between being part of this group and then looking out for, you know, number one, yeah, that's a great way to sum it up, because and that's like a, that's like a, that's like a locker room stage play right Exactly when people are stuck in a place together, and it's all about this showing how people can have different philosophical ideals and how they can value different things more, and how trust is a tenuous balance. It builds tension so well, and people have known that for a long time, and it's been on the stage for a long time, Without a doubt, and I think that will.

Ryan Baron North:

that'll definitely lend a lot to our what if, because we're, you know, for our what if portion that's going to come up here in about five minutes we're locking ourselves in this room and then we get to answer for ourselves. You know, how would we react when it really, straight up, comes down to personal survival versus the survival of your group. And I wonder myself if there was a better way for these guys, if they could get over themselves. Was there a better way? And I don't know. I honestly I feel like this is the perfect chance to jump into our what ifs and just start working through it.

James Crosslin:

Sure. What are your thoughts?

Ryan Baron North:

Well, all right. So if everyone, welcome to the third portion of this podcast. It's time to get into the what ifs. So you know you're driving to work right now. It's a Wednesday morning. You're reaching for that bottle under the seat you keep hearing us take shots.

James Crosslin:

So we do not condone, yeah, yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

Look after numero one. Yeah, you stuck down.

James Crosslin:

Listen, you're even tempered, all right.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, yeah, I'm even tempered. I can drink behind the wheel, but your average person cannot, so I can't condone it. Look, I'm one of those special types who becomes more safe as he drinks, because he knows if it's stay.

James Crosslin:

That was. That was an episode of WKRP. I don't know if you've ever watched that show, but it was like a really fucking funny show. That was like a. That was like a really good sitcom and they had a character on the show who they did a reaction timing test and as he got more drunk he got faster and it was a. It was a, it was a whole thing and it was. It was a very funny episode, one of the few, that is fun I remember that show.

Ryan Baron North:

That is funny.

James Crosslin:

People, people in the past were funny sometimes. I'll give them that.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, yeah, I'll always remember this time. It was, it wasn't me, it was this one guy and another guy who you got to get home from the party somehow, and halfway through the drive, you know, they realized that all right, we've, we've gone too far, it's time to hide in plain sight. And they pulled into a taco bell and just rode the wave through the drive through a taco bell and got the best damn chalupas they've ever had in their lives.

James Crosslin:

But anyway, take an Uber. Take an Uber to the Taco Bell.

Ryan Baron North:

Well, the guy that I'm referring to, he was riding shotgun, so whatever. So it's time to get into that third part, it's time for our what ifs, it's time to insert ourselves into the thing, which, by the way, I did also want to say. I have one final, one, final heightened thought. So the thing not a lot of people know was not the original. It was based on the thing from another world, which was.

Ryan Baron North:

It happened in the 50s and, like the thing from 1982, the thing from another world did some things with horror as well. They obviously it was still some time away from body horror that would be a little too intense for our, you know, post World War Two people. But what they did was, throughout every scene of the thing from another world, they would have characters opening a door. They'd be doing these same sorts of survival versus community arguments and they'd argue while opening a door. They would talk to each other opening a door, passing through it, and then, finally, when the thing arrives, they open the door and the thing is just standing on the other side of the door and it fucking freaked everyone out. They were still reinventing and inventing the jump scare, and the thing from another world did it, and so they touched on that, and now we're in 1982 where Wilford Brimley and Kurt Russell and Keith David are taking in, taking the helm. That was my last enlightened thought right there.

James Crosslin:

So another thing I have to credit this movie with is that I don't I don't know if you caught, if you flagged this when we were taught, when I was thinking about, like, what makes a good film and what makes a bad film, something that's a little dated about this is the scene when the flamethrower, when Kurt Russell's got the flamethrower and the dude's head comes off and the flamethrowers like not starting up. Yeah, it goes on for like 30 seconds and that's something that we would not accept in film today. That was well. That was well. We will be hilarious.

Ryan Baron North:

I would argue right away with you, sir, that we would rebel. Moon by Scott Snyder showed that audiences whatever, he lost his first name, as far as I have to put now that piece of shit. But rebel moon showed us that you could just fucking do whatever and as long as you created a horde of fans, it don't fucking matter.

James Crosslin:

So yeah, and and again. Another thing in that movie which I thought was very funny was the explosions, like when all the rooms, like we're having, like when they were setting fire and explosions in each room, every single room, and it was very funny well, there's my first what if?

Ryan Baron North:

my first what if would be like hey, level-headed guys, stop fucking blowing up all the rooms, you understand, we'll die.

James Crosslin:

I, I, I don't know what they were thinking most of the time, and also that that scene with the explosions made me think of. Did you watch Garth Marengi's Dark Place right?

Ryan Baron North:

oh yes, yeah, I did. Yeah, I'm a Matt Berry fan, so yeah yeah, so the where they talk about.

James Crosslin:

You know just lengthening scenes out, you know when they're talking about slo-mo in that one, but they're like, they're like sometimes our episodes were up to eight minutes short. Everything was a candidate for slo-mo. And it's like in this movie, like what they do with the explosions and what they do with the flamethrower, just like extended, extended. We don't have to not lie here. It's just people talking. You gotta put some shit in between.

Ryan Baron North:

Look all all that John Carpenter was doing in 1982 was walking so that Zack Snyder could run and have a single swing of a hammer. Take 135 seconds. That's that's all that was happening right there. That's all that was happening.

James Crosslin:

God bless, god bless.

Ryan Baron North:

Carpenter.

James Crosslin:

I've got a lot more thoughts, but we can move on.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, 35 minutes 35 yes, it's time for our what. If so, james, you've been plopped in. You are an Antarctic recent researcher with no discernible knowledge of Antarctic research, except for a distinct style, a distinct personality and a desire to live what happens oh well, okay.

James Crosslin:

So I know for sure that there's no way that we're going to live like just just this thing walking around like it. If it's, if it's like building human parts and stuff and human skin, the human skin like naturally sheds so there's just cells of this thing falling around and being kicked up in the air, oh yeah, so like I feel like I feel like as a modern human I know that this is kind of like. This is a problem. I have a zombie movies too is. Is that zombie? If the zombie blood is like has a virus in it or something? If people are running around with a baseball bat or a machete or something, you're throwing the fucking virus all up all up in the air and in your fucking face and shit.

James Crosslin:

There's no way to avoid it.

James Crosslin:

I will, which is weird, because that means that the original night of the living dead makes sense more than like 28 days later, because the original zombies were here, because they ran out of room and hell yeah, yeah so like yeah, don't go crazy guys, don't try it like if you're not a scientist, don't mix science into your fantasy yeah, like yeah, it is very important because if you want your piece to be timeless, yeah, it's important that you don't get too technical about about the, about the, the rules of your plane.

Ryan Baron North:

You want to make your rules simple and understandable and essentially infallible, but when you reference, like real science, that are understanding changes all the time, it's impossible yeah, well, I mean, you and I both know when have we ever struck someone as hard as we can in the head with a bat and not been missed it?

James Crosslin:

it just doesn't happen yeah, yeah, I have to change my my horror movie animal mask every single time because there's evidence all over it yeah, and I?

Ryan Baron North:

I have to redo my sunscreen every time. I won't step outside to beat someone with a bat without sunscreen. Uv rays are the death of skin, so it could burn you through.

James Crosslin:

It could burn you through the clouds.

Ryan Baron North:

Everybody knows that so well, so alright. So you're what? If so, you're there now. You know you're gonna die. That's, that's essentially what is going. I try to gas into the shower keep David's there.

James Crosslin:

Oh yeah, he's, he's, he's a hunk man. Keep David. That deep voice is so like just inherently sultry. He's got such in it. He's got such an amazing voice. It really does like and I don't mean it like sexually, but every time he talks it's like wow, that's a great voice.

Ryan Baron North:

I feel safe such an amazing does.

James Crosslin:

I feel. I feel whatever Keith David wants me to feel, because he's also good. He's a good actor. He's, like, so good at using his voice to convey emotion and his voice is so unique and powerful. He's really good at it yeah mm-hmm. So yeah, maybe I'd go fuck David, or you, david would fuck me. Let's be honest, let's be honest, but no, I'd, I'd be like, well, I, we should probably have a working chess machine for our final hours. Okay, all right, solid, solid.

Ryan Baron North:

Okay, so all right, so I'm in there. Now I'm in this Antarctic research facility. They keep destroying the barriers between me and the cold weather. I start to think that you guys are just as much as dangerous as anyone else. But I also don't want to die by that thing, because that looks terrible. That looks like a horrible death, especially just the hand one. When the thing gets the hand on his face and it starts fusing that way. That's a slow fucking death. You could live a long time without your jaw, yeah the fingers went like in, they went under the skin.

James Crosslin:

The fingers went like under the skin to melt Hell no, yeah.

Ryan Baron North:

so for me that's priority one. I will kill myself before the thing kills me. Yeah, keith, david's already in the showers with you.

James Crosslin:

I don't like we keep talking about the showers, but I'm not a shower sex person. I would, for I would not about what you want.

Ryan Baron North:

It's about with Keith David once, I don't know, maybe you're just like yeah. Okay, I think that I feel like he's a giving, a giving lover. So, yeah, alright, so the showers are still available to me.

James Crosslin:

He was the most even headed person in that entire movie. He's the one who gets yelled at that. I think someone more even headed should have this. He's the most even headed person in the movie. He doesn't flip out, he's like very much like listen, we should all talk about this. I don't think you should be in control, you fucking crazy bastard, and I don't know. It's wild that the black man got yelled at. You're too much of a hothead after doing fucking nothing to deserve that.

Ryan Baron North:

So I will say, trying to think of the best way, I would say he did sort of present himself immediately. The character at least presented himself immediately as I will take care of myself. Yeah, and you know, if you're leading people I can sort of understand. Well, I could say this as a person who's going to take care of myself. So it's in this what if scenario is a person who's gonna take care of myself first. I don't want Keith David to have that gun.

James Crosslin:

Well, I do want to point out that the person who was like I'm gonna take care of this, god, everybody killed.

Ryan Baron North:

Yes, he did. Yes, he did. That's a good point.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, kurt Russell did fail at saving everybody, so he did, and it was because he did really stupid, careless things which we knew about the character in the first scene.

Ryan Baron North:

But he was just so damn likable. It was Snake Pliskin.

James Crosslin:

So my first.

Ryan Baron North:

My first move would be to kill Kurt Russell and kill Keith David.

James Crosslin:

And then no one is willing to argue with you.

Ryan Baron North:

Exactly.

James Crosslin:

And then that'll make everything better.

Ryan Baron North:

Yes, I'm killing everybody. It's decided. Everyone's getting slain through it.

James Crosslin:

Listen, it's no worse than the outcome of the thing. It's no worse. No, it might. It might even be better.

Ryan Baron North:

My opinion just dies very quick. It might be better. So yeah, I'm going to like all right, everyone on the other side of the room we're doing this blood test and then I just send them all straight to fucking hell. No, no, I'm using the flamethrower and I'm committing more crimes here, baby no.

James Crosslin:

I'm just.

Ryan Baron North:

I am just scorching that side of the pool room.

James Crosslin:

Jesus Christ.

Ryan Baron North:

And yeah, every living thing I see is getting turned into a Vietnam war cry, war crime. And then I will sit in the corner until the helicopter arrives.

James Crosslin:

And then you'll infect the whole world. Correct Because you, because you stepped in it, because your boot has stepped in the fucking things. Blood, maybe, that's all it takes.

Ryan Baron North:

Every you forget. Everywhere I go, like, like I'll be sitting there, like I have to take a piss and I will gently wash the hallway with the flamethrower as I work my way as I work my way to the bathroom.

James Crosslin:

You flamethrower the bottom of your shoes.

Ryan Baron North:

Oh yeah, it'd be constant. I would be constantly finger on the trigger, I would, oh, and there would even be a scene where, after I just scorched everyone on the other side of the pool room, I'm like fuck, I forgot Wilfred is out in the shed, let me go torch him.

James Crosslin:

Would have been the right move.

Ryan Baron North:

And yeah, that's, that's what it would be. I would get my hands on the weapons first. I do not trust. I do not trust this community to hold itself together. They're all libertarian and weird, and the ones who aren't, I can't trust them not to become libertarian.

James Crosslin:

So easily, easily swayed by the libertarian argument.

Ryan Baron North:

So you're all going to die.

James Crosslin:

What if? What if we didn't owe each other anything?

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah and like no, I'm not letting you be swayed by libertarianism. You're on fire, and you're on fire and Wilfred's still out in the shed.

James Crosslin:

So he's on fire.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, that's, that's what it would be, and then for the next two months, as I'm sitting in the dark, I would just randomly scorch parts of the floor and hope I made it out. So yeah.

James Crosslin:

Well, I no matter what. The entire earth is doomed, just correct. It just depends on the time scale.

Ryan Baron North:

Yeah, no. At the end of the day, eventually, those ice caps are going to melt. Yeah, until our rich orval lords decided to do something about that, the thing will one day be our reality. Don't bother with kids, people. Don't bother with kids. Don't bother with grandkids.

James Crosslin:

It's a wrap, it's over, it's all, don't bother. Don't bother building connections with other people.

Ryan Baron North:

No no, no structures. They're probably libertarian. There's no point.

James Crosslin:

If they're not libertarian now, they will be soon.

Ryan Baron North:

It's spreading. It's spreading. They get to feel smart because they're in the middle in their opinion. So yeah, it's spreading.

James Crosslin:

I'm not. I'm not loyal to anybody or anything, so you can't. So I can know I can't be held accountable.

Ryan Baron North:

And then he gets flamethrowered. Yeah, so don't bother. Don't bother guys. Our future is the 1982 John Carpenter's the Thing. Don't bother with fucking anything.

James Crosslin:

Yeah, overall good movie.

Ryan Baron North:

Solid movie. So there you have it, folks. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed what you heard, like subscribe to all that bullshit. Here's to the thing.

James Crosslin:

Gotta point out Kurt Russell killed a lot of just regular dudes, oh yeah, oh, yeah he weren't infected.

Ryan Baron North:

God damn it. Snake Plisken, he did, and he just popped him from the hip From the hip, yeah, yeah. Quite a few, just just guys, just guys. So there you have it, folks. Thank you John Carpenter, thank you Kurt Russell, thank you Keith David, thank you Wilford Brimley and thank you listeners. And thank you Glass Gal. Goodnight Bye.

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