High n' Dry Podcast

New Beginnings and Violent Nights

• Ryan Baron North and James Crosslin • Episode 1

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"Violent Night," we're not just reviewing a movie here – we're taking a sleigh ride through David Harbour's Santa portrayal, dissecting the film's tonal rollercoaster, and challenging the notion of holiday tropes and character redemption.

High n' Dry has returned, so get ready to question everything you thought you knew about simple cinematic pleasure as we debate whether a movie must ignite deep thought to spark joy. "Violent Night" serves as our test subject, juxtaposed with the effortless humor of classics like 'Beavis and Butt-Head Do America'. We're getting philosophical about fiery money scenes and what they say about our values.

And why stop at just watching Santa when you could reimagine stepping into the red suit yourself? We don't just critique – we fantasize about rewriting ourselves into the "Violent Night" narrative, contemplating the ludicrous logistics of Santa's sleigh and the overlooked elfin workforce. Raise a glass to those unsung heroes working through the festivities, our tipsy take on "Violent Night" might have you rethinking the meaning of Christmas. Pour yourself some Redwood Empire whiskey, relax, and let's make merry with a side of movie mayhem.

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Ryan:

Hey everybody, welcome to high and dry podcast, the only podcast keeping alive the fandom of Dark Angel Jessica Alba. I'm close to Ryan Baron, north with me, as always. James Croslin, james, how's it going? They can adjust the gal by now, oh.

James:

Yeah, jessica Alba. It launched her career of being the hottest woman in television for like 15 years.

Ryan:

What she? What happened to this?

James:

album? I Don't know, I have no idea. I don't think she's a particularly good actress, so I think that that probably started to weigh her down, as as Hollywood was like near 30 now. She was like there were like alright, can you act? And she's like not really. Goodbye Show. Learn to act, damn it.

Ryan:

It was who's the other, the one that sort of time forgot Jennifer love Hewitt. She also vanished in that same sort of time period, right there.

James:

She was on a. She was on a show where she was a medium. She was like a ghost Was it, it medium. No, was it just medium? I thought it was something much dumber. Hold on, jennifer, love I.

Ryan:

Are ghosts. I don't remember it was ghost something. It was Something. I was a ghost whisper.

James:

I think it might be ghost whisper Hilarious. It was a such a bad show. Anyway, I don't think we're here to talk about.

Ryan:

We're here to talk about Dark Angel, so for those of you joining, there were.

James:

There were a hundred and seven episodes of ghost whisper.

Ryan:

Well, someone liked it, so I'm glad they're getting these references. So, hey, for those of you who join us for the first time, welcome. For those of you who've been here before, welcome back. We've been in on sort of a break for a little while now. Merry Christmas, happy holidays to everyone out there. On our first episode of the new wave that is high and dry, where a podcast talks about philosophy, pop culture, all those sorts of fun things, and we're kind of changing it up a little bit now we're gonna be looking today at the film vicious night, our Santa Claus film. We decided we're gonna do something a little Christmasy for all you guys.

James:

It's a violent night I.

Ryan:

Don't know why I think it that mixed up we've been. We've done three of these shows in a row now and I think I'm just still a little need-braided. So I got to get the title rights of violent night. We're gonna be doing violent night, our Santa film this today, and we're gonna break it down a little bit. We're gonna get into some sober thoughts, we're gonna then go into some enlightened thoughts and then we're gonna do a few what-ifs. But how we're gonna get into those enlightened thoughts is that we're gonna get a little drunk and we're gonna get a little high. So, james, what are you smoking this week?

James:

I'm smoking a very heavy indica called Cush Mountain, because I need to be desensitized from all of this violence or viciousness, as you.

Ryan:

Yep, the family's gathering around the fire to watch all this viciousness. Lovely, lovely, and I'll be joining you with a Redwood Empire. It's my, it's my weekend poor, you know a little special occasions. It's our first episode back here, sort of the first episode back. We did a few bit. This will be our first one to air, so I felt we got some in the tank.

Ryan:

Yeah, we got some in the tank now, but yeah, I'm gonna drink my special little Redwood Empire. It's a hundred horsepower, it's gonna get the job done. Can you give me where I need to be so? The first one goes to violent night Cheers.

James:

Cheers. I'm supposed to do it, aren't I? Oh yeah, that smooth tastes like the mountains.

Ryan:

Love low, speaking of mountains. So it is Christmas. I got these new whiskey glasses that have Mount Everest in the crystal Right at the bottom, right there and you put them in the freezer and it instantly cools your whiskey as it hits. It's very good.

James:

Very good yeah, taking a little bit of adventure on every drunken escapade, that's right, it's like I'm standing on the pole of Everest.

Ryan:

So what's our, what's our second shot? To what are we doing this?

James:

Yeah, I mean, I think we definitely have to Do a toast to Jessica Alba. Yes yes, the star of you know the hits like good luck, chuck, and the love guru. Ah yes, little Fockers, oh boy, spy kids for.

Ryan:

It wasn't her fault at all. It was a series of writers and bad decisions. Are you telling me that?

James:

are you telling me the entourage movie wasn't her pinnacle and a beloved franchise that continues to to Merge the pop culture with with drama.

Ryan:

All I all. The only thing that Fucking entourage makes me think is how upset I was to find out that Jeremy Piven will have to open our Alligation cyclopedia to really see break it down what he did. But didn't we learn that he was a bit of a dick bag?

James:

I Don't know, but he always plays a dick bag. I wouldn't be surprised if he's just hoping it was an act he might. He might just be a bad actor and be a dick bag, and so it's very easy, that's very good thing, I've, never I've never seen him do anything else.

Ryan:

No well. I mean he was in. Well, here's to Jessica. For those of you who are curious, who like to imbibe with whiskey, the Redwood Empire kicks like a mule, but it's got a wonderful cherry flavor. Really, really enjoy.

James:

My, that's awesome. I like whiskey from time to time. My weed has really fire flavor. It tastes like smoke and ashes.

Ryan:

I think something is around with your bite.

James:

Yeah, I need to clean it out. But Kush Mountain is usually really good, tastes like floral. It's got real sedative effects, so this one I'm going to be really chill.

Ryan:

Okay, all right. Yeah, I don't remember how I was on the Redwood Empire last time, but we're going to find out. I think that's an indicator of its own. So here's the third one. Here's to coming back as high and dry, working with friends, and happy holidays everybody.

James:

Yeah, and also innovating, much like the movie Entourage.

Ryan:

Featuring Jessica Alba and Jeremy Piven. We all have to consult our allegation cyclopedia. Yeah.

James:

I wonder what. I wonder what allegations Jessica Alba has against her.

Ryan:

Oh well, a lot, a lot, without a doubt. I know she's listening right now, very upset.

James:

Thank you.

Ryan:

This is by far her least favorite episode of high and dry that.

James:

Jessica Alba's ever listened to. All of the allegations are just that she makes bad decisions about movie.

Ryan:

Yeah, pretty much, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, Piven faced several allegations of sexual assault and misconduct which surfaced between 2017 and 2018. Multiple women God damn it Piven. Ah, classic Fucking Piven. All right, you piece of shit. Well, it's time to get into it. So tonight we're talking about Violent Night. We're doing our little holiday episode there. We're going to break it down in three ways for you. Our sober thoughts are enlightened thoughts and a what if? Scenario. So let's start with those sober thoughts before that Redwood Empire makes it to my bloodstream. James, what were your thoughts on the film Violent Night?

James:

I thought this film was. I thought it was good. I think the question mark, I think that my I left this movie feeling mostly positive about it. I think that it was. I think it could have been better. I think a lot of movies could be better, obviously yeah, but for what it was it was enjoyable. There are a few things that definitely got me. I don't want to throw up all my lines really quick, but a few of them that got me was like when it oscillated between, like the goriness and the silliness, when she, when she, when he, when he pulls his, his special hammer out of the sleigh and she goes skull crusher, the girl exactly says skull crusher.

James:

That really worked for me. That was pretty good. Okay, yeah, so. So I like the oscillation. I thought sometimes it was clumsy, but more often than not it left me with this, with a very, you know happy feeling. How about you?

Ryan:

Well, so for me, first, I want to say that there's an episode coming where we will be discussing Rebel Moon, directed by Zack Snyder, and after that episode a lot of people are going to say, oh, they just trash movies. No, we just trash bad movies, point in case. Let's talk about Violet Knight. I had a lot of good to say. There's a lot of good to say about this movie. I think there was a lot of great things to say about it. I thought that David Harbour I've become a fan of David Harbour. I just love seeing actors sort of appear when they're middle aged. You know just, he's a walking reminder that you don't have to let your dreams die. You can do this after you've gotten, you know, a little up there. But I love everything he does. He just brings a great energy to everything. What I enjoyed particularly about this movie was I liked the liberties they took with Santa. I enjoyed that he was a Viking, that he was an ex-Viking.

James:

Spoilers, I guess. But if you, don't know that we're going to talk about the fucking movie.

Ryan:

What am I supposed to do? Yeah, I loved the liberties they took with Santa. I loved a lot of the messages that went forward. It could have just been that I had been drinking all day. At that point I was touched. I enjoyed it and I loved the music. I thought they picked great songs for the scenes of Gatuit's violence.

James:

I yeah, I didn't notice them. I might need to re-watch. I'd be willing to re-watch this movie, to check out some of the, to pay attention to that point because I kind of missed it.

Ryan:

Really yeah. So especially when he's sort of dusted off the cobwebs of the things holding him back and he just goes ham with the sledgehammer he finds and wipes out like a SWAT team. Essentially they picked a great song for it. I was really getting into it. I was enjoying the hell out of it.

James:

Well, I didn't notice the music, but sometimes that's a good thing If it's just like, if it fits so well, you're not like that didn't work or something like that. If sometimes most of the things we talk about when we say this is a good movie are things that are unnoticed, it's little things that are done that you don't really pick up on. That make a movie good. Good transitions where they where motion is maintained, keeping the story in plot and dialogue moving, those are things that you don't really notice much and same with score. It's like an amplifier for what's occurring on screen and it's great that you noticed it and we're able to bring that to the table. I didn't notice it all, I was just. For me it just flowed really well.

Ryan:

And so for me personally, I sort of view the world and my writing and everything like that just through a lens of the song that accompanies it. So it's just a more natural way for me to sort of think. So I will always notice what they chose to play at the time, and for this one I enjoyed the hell out of it, I really did Even as not particularly a huge fan of Christmas James. I enjoyed these Christmas James.

James:

So what we still? So I turned it on its head, right yeah.

Ryan:

Well, while we have a couple of minutes left of our sober thoughts, I feel mine are vast. I quickly running away from it. It's that record empire. Is there anything that you didn't really appreciate, anything that you didn't care for?

James:

I thought that sometimes the movie forgot that it was campy. It really it should have. In some places it took itself too seriously again, we also had a lot of unearned character redemption. Like the dad, I hated the dad oh yeah, and he just, he got everything back.

Ryan:

He got everything back. Christmas magic For doing nothing.

James:

For doing nothing.

Ryan:

For actually being a bad dude For committing robbery.

James:

For actually being a real piece of shit. Yeah, and the boy Bertrand, and Bertrand, bertrand, bertrand, bertrand, bertrand. And his mom. That was good. They're terrible, and at the end of the movie they're just like oh, everything's great, again it's like no. Those people tried to get their black in-law relative woman murdered. Are you telling me that that's just a coincidence, that these people immediately you should take the black woman. It was very obvious to me and they're terrible fucking people. No, they're all terrible.

James:

Santa should have then sledgehammered them, and all in the heads, and it would have been a better end.

Ryan:

Well, to a point on that. So I do enjoy the genre. Well, there's only about two that I could think about from my head, but I enjoy the genre of a normal, regular person who appreciates life and hasn't been completely poisoned by greed and money, marrying into a family like this and it becomes a comedy horror. The other one I could think of was when this young woman she marries into a very rich toy family they made their entire money. They were essentially like an evil hasbro, I guess and she marries it.

Ryan:

I'm going to have to find that, I'll find it eventually. I don't have that Joe Rogan guy we were talking about, but in that movie spoiler alert, by the way, if you haven't seen this movie, I can't think of the title of at the end, her entire new in-law family explodes Like they, each one individually, explodes from this ghost's curse, and so I like to see that sort of come up and that, yeah, you're right, you're right, that didn't happen in Violent Night. They didn't get their come up. No one really seemed to accept the poor kid who circumstance turned him into an evil mercenary who hates Christmas.

James:

Also the guy who's an idiot and who's like a male model, like he doesn't seem particularly evil, he just seems like an idiot and he got murdered. He got his comeuppance.

Ryan:

Yeah, yeah, and he was a little fast too. I guess that was instant.

James:

Yeah. So that's where I felt the movie Miss the Mark. I miss the mark in a few places. I don't feel like that guy should have gotten his wife and daughter back. That daughter's wish was granted, but essentially she's going to be living in a broken home because her parents are back together instead of like moving forward and learning how to cope.

Ryan:

And be better people in general.

James:

Yeah.

Ryan:

And the movie I was thinking of was Ready or Not. It was Ready or Not.

James:

I see, yeah, I do like horrors where a normal person marries into a crazy, like a rich family that has no morals. That also happens in Fall of the House of Usher, which I haven't seen the last episode, so don't ruin it for me?

Ryan:

Okay, I will not, but if you like that, check out Ready or Not, check it out. I'm telling you you're going to enjoy that. You're going to enjoy that a lot, okay, well, so it's time to move into our second portion.

Ryan:

Check out Ready or Not. Second portion now it's time to get into our enlightened state, where we've had a few now I could definitely feel a bubbling on through my head. It's time for our final hit and shot. It's time to talk about what we understand better about this violent night. I would say this one right here this little final guy, I'd like it to go to David Harper. He makes everything that I see him in much better. I am a big fan of David Harper, so cheers, cheers.

James:

Cheers David Harper. I got to say I hated him in season three of Stranger Things, Like he ruined that season for me. But I think that's. I think it's really important to say that David Harper is great at comedy and he should be used for comedy and let loose on comedy a lot more often. The best parts of this movie were the comedic bit. He was good at violence. He was good at being intimidating. He's a giant man with like a perpetual dick face and he's very funny. In addition to that, the parts that failed for me were where they were like I don't know what I'm doing, kid, Like it was a diehard reference right, the even say diehard in the movie.

Ryan:

Well, at one point he pulls out a diehard blu-ray from his sack and I'm like oh, that was pretty good, that was a good. Oh yeah, we know what we're doing. This is Santa with diehard. There it is for you.

James:

So they should have been funnier. Though it should have been funnier, I feel like. I feel like there were some really funny bits, like when he took, when he they did the 360 of him like a martial artist with twirling the hammer around. I thought that was I busted out laughing so hard I had to pause it because I was laughing so much. That shit was so funny. That's good.

Ryan:

Yeah, no, there was a lot of enjoyable. So what is your? What's your initial enlightened thought now that it's all starting to hit you? You soaked in the movie, you soaked in the cannabis. What's coming to you?

James:

My initial thoughts of this movie are more this movie didn't make me think, which which I don't know if that's a bad thing to say or not, but it didn't. I felt like it didn't really make me think that much in a good way. So I think when we talk about movies we're kind of like this movie didn't make me think it was empty, you know, or this movie didn't challenge me in any way and therefore it's not a good movie, as we fall into that kind of trap. But there are movies that don't make you think that are all so good Beavis.

Ryan:

About Hadoo America yeah.

James:

Yeah, that movie is Beavis About Hadoo America. I've watched it as an adult and that movie holds up. It is so funny.

Ryan:

It is so funny.

James:

And it doesn't say the things that says are not like, against any kind of like of modern attitudes. No, you never hit that. What it does is it lampoons like the reality of those situations and I think that this movie similarly makes you not really think that much. But also the motion, the pacing, all of it's really enjoyable and I think my biggest high thought is that it comes down to how movies are made today. It's like modern filmmaking, especially with action, filmmaking that engages audience, keeps motion, doesn't make you think but still leaves you with an enjoyable feeling and I think, that this did it more times than not.

Ryan:

Yeah, it was times where it didn't do.

James:

It was where it was slow and there was an action and they weren't letting them go. Comedic.

Ryan:

Yeah, that's, that's definitely a good point, and I don't know why we mentioned it. I mean, like, look guys, you're sitting, you're listening to a drunken high podcast. All right, we're going to be in it, we're going to be in it. We started talking about Beavis and Butter in the middle of it, but I guess one of the things that this movie reminds us of other games.

James:

They're good movies. That's the thing, yeah, yeah.

Ryan:

I mean, obviously, beavis and Butter in New America was, you know, masterpiece of our generation. And well, that now Mike Juggs judges Gen X, so of the previous generation, and it's one of the only good things they did after Fight Club. And sorry, gen X. I would say there was a few moments in there where I mean, like Trudy, the little girl in the movie, she keeps talking about how to Santa, to sort of get him back to who he was, to use his dark side to do good, and I was wondering like, well, what's the statement there? Is this, is this movie for soldiers? What are they trying to say?

James:

I think. I think what they're trying to say is violence should be stoked in men for for for them fulfilling their role as protectors.

Ryan:

Is that what it was? Is that what it's supposed to be? I think so. I think so, well, I mean, but Trudy was doing some dark shit and I did love. I did love that part where the issue is talking about home alone and they showed us how fucking brutal those traps that Kevin McAllister would actually be Right. Oh yeah, no, go fall wildly down some stairs on this nails, right, you don't just get a poke in the butt and run out the door yelling. No, you see some shit.

James:

Things get nasty and it was funny.

Ryan:

Yeah, and they still made it funny. They still made it funny. So, but yeah, trudy was doing some violence too. Some very sinister violence, and it's interesting.

James:

That's interesting.

Ryan:

So I don't know, I don't know what the message they were trying to convey there was.

James:

What about the? What about the burning the money Like I didn't understand. Yeah.

Ryan:

And that didn't even turn out to be what did it?

James:

I know, right, and it's like burning money doesn't make you like a good person, like, at least give us a share or something, while you're doing a show that money is absolutely worthless to you.

Ryan:

Yeah, that was, and you hear me he's like we got to get him closer to the fire and they never got close to just tender.

James:

There's hey. You took the money out of hey.

Ryan:

That would have gone up like just fucking flash paper. And oh, and that makes it even worse, because we know that the money was there, because grandma was paid to distribute it throughout Middle Eastern terrorist groups, right and oil magnets and she gets to be like yay Christmas. Yeah, so what the hell? And I don't imagine being brought up in this environment like she's great right now by some fluke of just the right amount of good parenting and neglect that she's good right now.

James:

But that she knows to do violence for good.

Ryan:

But eventually, you know it's going to go the other way and I don't. I don't imagine Trudy's going to be a good person. You know 10 years. Oh, if we see violent, like violent night to you know, and grandma was. Finally, like you know, I like the cut of your jib.

Ryan:

Trudy, you're going to become the next to me and Trudy's going to be like a red hood, yeah, yeah, and I'm spinning one of those curved daggers on the tip of her finger every time she's in a boardroom meeting, you know, and she's like just fucking guts, a dude who doesn't agree with the direction of the company, and then Santa has to use violence.

James:

You think she's going to be like a Lucy Lou and kill Bill?

Ryan:

Yeah, yeah, I see that you know, because she has that sort of reserved side to her and it'll just be a scene in violent night to where she fillets a dude from his anus.

James:

You know I'm being nice, I'm being considered as me being nice.

Ryan:

I didn't say ass, just fucking fillets this dude in a boardroom. So yeah, I see that and you know she'll kill rich, rich people via ingenious traps.

James:

And, yes, this one from Santa Claus.

Ryan:

And you, just as you're being grabbed, what You're crazy? You're fucking crazy. So I see that for violent night to which, if I'm not mistaken, just when I had briefly glanced at this to talk about it today, I think they are green lighting. Oh yeah, so yeah, as of August 9 of this year well, I guess it's going to be last year when you guys hear this. So violent night to gets a promising update from David Harbor.

Ryan:

And they're talking about introducing iconic elements like the elves and Mrs Claus into violent night, to things that were just sort of mentioned in the first one.

James:

So they have to ruin everything that we do well, we have, oh yeah. Why do we have to expand on the lower? That's what I really loved about this movie. I love sitting back and pondering the lower. Oh, what in the world? Who could be? Who could Mrs Claus be? How are they?

Ryan:

dealing with marital troubles, like what was good? Yeah, like just let me wonder, let me wonder. And he wasn't Saint Nicholas. Until later we learned that he was Nicomond the Red and the Viking era and stuff like that.

James:

And they didn't go deep into that mystery. I'm afraid of the big mystery.

Ryan:

Yeah, you know, it's even wilder. So this movie, much smaller budget, much, you know, it's just going to be fun. Better writing than Zack Snyder's new Rebel Moon.

James:

Oh, oh. Can we compare a scene really quick? Can I make a quick comparison?

Ryan:

Okay, please.

James:

So in this movie this is what I call good filmmaking is that in this movie, the way we learn he's a Viking is that in his times of trauma he's getting like flashbacks to his previous life. And you see, you see it just kind of close up on his face where he's wearing this, you can tell it's kind of a Viking helmet, he's got blood, he's got this thousand yard stare right. And that's how they start conveying this to us that in his previous life he did violence and he is. It was, it's something that used to be a part of him. It had deeply affected him and and we gain it with visuals over time, and then, when it's time for him to for for when these images have given us a tantalizing idea of what it could possibly mean, and only then does he reveal a small portion with, with, with these other things that have coalesced in the background. Yeah, yeah.

James:

When you meet the guy, he just says used to be a Viking and at some point I became Santa Claus, and I don't understand. I never really understood what's going on. I use a hammer. I got this power that lets me go up a chimney. If I touch my nose, the reindeer, you know they're out there somewhere. All right, let's go on to the next spot.

Ryan:

That's the difference between a good movie and a bad movie For sure.

Ryan:

Yeah, no, if it was so like I'm going to try my best, go ahead. If it was written by those guys and if it was done by Zack Snyder, in Violent Nighty passes out, we see an image of him as a Viking. The audience is like whoa, what's that about? Let's go it up. If we flipped it and it was then a project done by Zack Snyder, he would have passed out and he says I make him on the red. Once, a fierce Viking known for my daring exploits, processing, found my destiny transformed in a way I've never imagined my journey from a life of conquest, and it would have gone on for 20 fucking minutes and then he dies, and then we follow a different character.

Ryan:

Oh my God. And I will also like to say that I, you know, in our Rebel Moon, in this not bash on Rebel Moon podcast, in our Rebel Moon, in our Rebel Moon episode I mentioned the visuals were kind of cool but they were kind of stale. You know, we saw it all in the 300. I've seen all those visuals before in the 300. And again in the Amazon scene during the Snyder cut of Justice League. So I've seen them before. I preferred Santa Violet Knights visuals. They were very like John Wickian. I almost wanted to. They were updated. They were fresh.

James:

They were John Wick and they absolutely were John Wick and they were like close ups. They were close ups and mid shots where a lot of a lot of the Rebel Moon was long shots to show the landscape. I'm sorry, huge wide shots, sorry. So there were huge wide shots to show the landscape and stuff and it made everything just kinda everything was in like the same tone, it was samey, samey, but these ones were like close ups on people and action and movement and definitely the Hinchmen went to the fucking John Wick School of Hinchmenry where they took their guns and run face first into a sledgehammer.

James:

One guy didn't even load his gun before the fight. They had him loading his gun as he fucking. Oh, I gotta load my gun before he gets to me. I haven't shot a single bullet.

Ryan:

But the way they did it was fun. It was fast too. Like, literally, you count some of the slow-mo, the slow-down sequences in Rebel Moon and you could one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, as the single hit is passing by and the whole shot is just dedicated to back muscles and I didn't care for it. Yeah, so, by the way, you don't care for Rebel Moon.

James:

So you know we say this isn't to Rebel Moon cast and stuff, but like I feel like it's gonna be affecting how we think about movies going forward. Like Zack Snyder did an amazing job laying out what not to do with a movie, like how to do a movie wrong that we're gonna be using it as a comparison point a lot. Yeah it's gonna happen a lot now.

Ryan:

And I think I just read an interview from him I think it was Vanity Fair where he stated that I was trying to show people what not to do.

James:

Is it true? Is that true? No, you did that. That would be amazing. That would be amazing.

Ryan:

But yeah, I was trying to show people what not to do. I was getting so fucking sick of seeing shit on TV that you shouldn't do, oh my.

James:

God, it's a manual that would mind fuck me so hard, yeah, also really quick. John Leguzamo was not good at this. He was not a good actor in this.

Ryan:

I was.

James:

He was not terrifying.

Ryan:

I was confused by the whole thing. I was confused by it. I did.

James:

He's lost his edge. He's no longer a killer clown, he's an old man.

Ryan:

Well, I don't know. I wasn't able to really form one because there were parts where I enjoyed it. I did love one. I did like one of his lines where one of his henchmen was like about to say can he really be the real Santa Claus? And he responds by saying look, I know you're an idiot, don't say it out loud.

James:

I thought that was very funny, yeah, so I did enjoy that.

Ryan:

I did enjoy that, so not all bad on his part. But that being said so, it's time to move into our third portion.

James:

The one henchman who was like also he might be the real Santa Claus when they were telling the kill team. I thought that was also very funny. What the fuck did she just say?

Ryan:

He might be the real Santa Claus. That was pretty good too. So we're moving on to the third part here. It's now for our what if? Scenario, where we are going to insert whatever we wanted this film, whether it's we're going to put in weed and alcohol, whether we're going to put ourselves in or whether we're going to just put ourselves behind the director's chair. What if, james, you're in control? What are you going to adjust? What are you going to change? What are you going to do here? What happens if you're sitting there? Instead, you became Santa Claus.

James:

If I became Santa Claus, well, and you get die-hearted I think I would be less confused. So, so weirdly, in this movie, this Santa Claus knows how to drive a snowmobile but doesn't know how to use a gun, which is objectively a much older invention.

Ryan:

Like he, oh, yeah, yeah, and he keeps calling them gizmos.

James:

You're right, yeah, it's like that that invention's like 400 years old and a snowmobile is like 50 years old.

Ryan:

Well, but it is. However, it's within his purview of snow and winter wonderlands Of snow?

James:

That is true he has. He doesn't know how the powers work. I get it, Got it.

Ryan:

Yeah.

James:

I think in this situation, god I would. I would have to be, I'd be smoking the whole time, obviously. Oh what the fuck's going on? Whoa this rich people get shot, whoa, what, what. But at the end I would definitely tell Santa Claus to be like. These people are fucking monsters and they caused way more death than these, than the collective group. You just sledgehammer.

Ryan:

So he would be a high elf that came along with him.

James:

Yeah, I'd be like man. These people are way worse. Did you check the list to see if they're nice or not? You didn't even check, did you? You checked for all those guys?

Ryan:

You didn't check for the family. Yeah, that's a good point, though they never open up the list on anyone but Trudy and the bad guys Like the. Yeah, the distinct.

James:

That's a good point, that's so important Cause that that wouldn't be great, would it?

Ryan:

No, that would be a really bad list. Yeah, for me I would insert myself. So you're like this little high elf that fell into the toy sack before.

James:

Santa left. What the fuck about these guys? What about these rich pieces of shit?

Ryan:

I would want to show up like as the action's going down. I'd want to show up as Krampus.

James:

You'd insert Krampus into this movie.

Ryan:

I would insert myself as Krampus and I would just bust out my branch of birch and just start beating the fuck out of his family.

James:

Yeah, I would just start.

Ryan:

Yeah, it would be nonstop punishment. And so like I would want the scene where, you know, like there's a few times where he's a little wounded beyond repair and but then one he decides to call in Krampus, and Krampus comes down and just fucking reigns Christmas justice, wipes through the SWAT team, all that kind of stuff, beating them with chains and shit, dragging them to hell, and then Santa's like okay, cool, thanks for helping us. They all believe in me now, but Krampus is too late, he's been unleashed and he just starts beating ass through the rest of that mansion. Yeah, so Charity watches like grandma get dragged to hell you know her dad and mom had just made up and like, oh, I'm not finished with you yet and I just start beating the fuck out of her father. Yeah, and that's how I would insert myself into this film. Would be definitely the avenging angel of Christmas cheer.

James:

You could also be the avenging angel of all of those fucking servants who were just doing their jobs.

Ryan:

Oh, my God.

James:

Who got murdered for no reason, like just a bunch of poor workers to this fucking God awful family on Christmas day or whatever, instead of being with their families.

Ryan:

Oh my God, yeah they're stuck and they're already miserable.

James:

and these filmmakers like? I guess we'll put you out of here, mr Krampus.

Ryan:

That reminds me of Al. Another which I'm just realizing now is another reference to Die Hard. The other black man you see is named Al, who was the patrol cop that helped him in the first Die Hard, but he got shot immediately. Well, the first thing he says to them is like I wish I didn't have to work on Christmas Eve and they're all just like but you do, thanks, al, bye, and you're just like OK, cool, right on Al.

James:

Thanks for hustling Al. Thanks for grinding on their holiday.

Ryan:

And then he just gets his brains blown out. And yeah, that was it.

James:

Yeah, and I would also is that is that trying to say don't give up your lives to work on your holidays for your rich piece of shit?

Ryan:

boss. Is that the message I mean? That could be a way of saying don't be Al, quit your job, get out of it. Maybe, maybe. But yeah, I would also say that I end my crampus reign of terror when Trudy thinks it's all over and by lifting birch root and putting into my sack of other children.

James:

Yard buddy, I'm getting kidnapped by a crampus right now. This fucking is bullshit.

Ryan:

Yeah and just yeah, and then just vanish into the shadows with him in my new sack. Yes, I would do that. Yeah, that would be my, my addition, for sure.

James:

That's perfect yeah. I really, I really don't know what I could change about this movie.

Ryan:

I just want to say it was a good movie.

James:

It was really except for the love thing, god, that was so that there. That's why this is like not a perfect movie is that it just made some poor decisions when it came to plant and pay off. Some plants didn't pay off. There are some paths that had no plant and that's where that's where it fell flat. But overall, pretty good movie.

Ryan:

Yeah, no, and I have to. I have to agree with you entirely. I'm like I said, I'm not a I'm not a big Christmas movie fan and this, but so take it for what you will, but it definitely moved up towards the top three of my favorite Christmas movies, behind my Christmas Carol, of course.

James:

Do you have any? Do you have any quotes that you really like? Because I actually do have some quotes that I like from the movie. Well, please, that I don't know if they were in the trailer. Well, I actually didn't watch a trailer for this movie because I didn't want to know. I've started to not like trailers so I avoid them. But, but they, but we've got to give them their loves. The girl, the girl, their love. What is this Love so cool? That's good. Of course there was the shove it up their anus.

Ryan:

Yeah, a lot of lines.

James:

Yep, the. These were like. All these three lines were like right in a row and I assume they made the trailer and there's a Santa's going to eat through these guys like a plate of cookies. All very great lines.

Ryan:

Yeah, no, my favorite one is definitely that one Like look, I know you're an idiot Don't be an idiot out loud. I can't. I can't tell you how many times I like he and that's probably why I didn't mind Liguizamo and that just because that line I felt that every day I have ever gone into work, ever when it comes to just dealing with things, so I definitely appreciated that. So, yeah, so some great lines in this great film overall.

Ryan:

A few kind of just weird things. But I mean, it's a fucking Christmas movie about Santa with a sledgehammer.

James:

One of the scenes with the sledgehammer, like they did it. They did a thing where they followed a twirling sledgehammer through the air, but it was just kind of like. It was just kind of like a flat shot of the twirling sledgehammer. I was like at that, at that, at that one, I was like that was a little. I didn't feel like the rest of the movie matched that. That's why I think I don't think that was wrong, but I think the other parts were a little. I think there are certain parts that were a little too serious and if they, if those parts have been less serious, then then follow, then following the hammer through the air, just just spinning right in center screen. Right, that's very funny, and I would have even said if they had made the rest of the movie just a little more like silly and surreal instead of like, instead of like sometimes serious. I think we, I think we could have let that hammer spin for two, maybe three seconds Then had it in a guy and then, and that that's what I was looking for.

James:

It's just a little more and then it would have been a perfect movie.

Ryan:

Well, had they have done that, though, it would have started to look like Rebel Moon, and I don't think that's what they're going for.

James:

The grenade that took just too long to explode. That also would have been good if it was, if it was funnier, if the whole movie was funnier, if it was like more comedic, I think those bits would have landed better for me. I wanted them to land, but it just wasn't. It wasn't overall silly enough.

Ryan:

It needed more Well well with that, it took like 10 seconds. Well, he's got to stop and watch it. Well, with that being said so there is violent night. Thank you everyone so much for listening to this. We're high and dry podcast. Please join us. We got in coming up. I'm sure you've guessed by now. We have our Rebel Moon episode coming up next.

James:

After that what you think about it.

Ryan:

Yeah, yes, the spoilers, we didn't much care for it. Yes, after that. So Rebel Moon. After that, we're going to be doing the original dunes, and what was the last one we already did? What was the alien? Of course we're. We're going to take on Ash. We're going to get him in the showers and really tell him what we think about him. So there you have it, folks. Thanks for listening. Bye.

James:

Merry Christmas Bye.

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Ryan Baron North

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